You’ve Got to be Kidding: An Important Announcement from the National Organization of Amusement Park Scouts

“You’ve Got To Be Kidding” is parody. Allow yourself the opportunity to have a little fun . . .

For almost 75 years the National Organization of Amusement Park Scouts has allowed children of all ages (from one to one hundred) to explore the wonderful world of amusement parks.  An integral part of amusement park scouting is the achievement of merit badges – symbols that the scout has personally committed to learning about and experiencing the full range of amusement park activities.  These badges are earned when a scout exhibits knowledge and skills reflecting all aspects of amusement park history, design, and administration, as well as the overall amusement park experience.

Over time it has become obvious to everyone involved that a serious gap existed in the merit badge program – the lack of badges specifically focused on Disney.  With Disneyland’s 60^th birthday just around the corner, we felt the time was right for our great scouting group to expand into one of the most famous parks of all time.  Therefore, we are proud to introduce the new Disneyland Resort badges for Amusement Park Scouts.

The Disney Safety Badge:  The scout will demonstrate an understanding of safety within Disneyland, including the role of safety as a visitor and the role safety plays in amusement park design.

• Provide evidence safe practices have been exhibited at all times within Disney park boundaries.  This includes refraining from running, wearing appropriate footwear, and avoiding any positive references to Paul Pressler while in the vicinity of hard-core Disney fans. 
• Identify at least three instances where attractions have been updated to enhance guests’ safety.  The scout will then outline how this made the attraction less fun, more painful, or just plain lame.

The Good AP Citizen Badge:  The scout must first purchase an annual pass.  Once purchased, the scout will feel an overpowering desire to act in an entitled and belligerent manner.  As evidence that these negative traits have been overcome, the scout must provide evidence of visiting the park for a minimum of eight hours without complaining about anything, visiting Innoventions for a minimum of one hour without mentioning Carousel of Progress or America Sings, and going one week without making fun of or correcting an obviously erroneous statement made by a less experienced park visitor.

The Disney Food and Drink Badge:  This is a really fun badge intended to show the scout has experienced the full range of food and drink at Disneyland. 

• Eat a churro, a corn dog, a Dole Whip, and a Mickey ice cream bar in quick succession.  Follow this with a ride on the Mad Tea Party at full spin without having a protein spill.
• Eat at every restaurant in Downtown Disney.  Write a review for each one without using the words “crowded”, “rude”, or “overpriced”.
• Have a  drink at the Cove Bar, Alfresco Tasting Terrace, Cathay Circle Lounge, Napa Rose Lounge, and Trader Sam’s.  Then ride Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and see if you can even find that stupid goat.  (Not required of scouts under 21.)
• Eat an entire loaf of sourdough bread, one free sample at a time.

The Imagineering Badge:  The scout will design three “C” ticket attractions based on existing Disney properties.  Consideration should be given to the overall expenses as well as logistics for placement within the park.  The scout will then provide a presentation on these proposals, including how they will be marketed as “E” ticket attractions.

The Re-Imagineering Badge:  This badge can only be completed after the scout has completed the Imagineering Badge.  It will show the scout’s ability to take existing attractions and make them more impactful.

• Tour Disney California Adventure and look for vestiges of the original design.  Marvel at how something that started out so wrong could be made so right.
• Design replacements for the spaces previously occupied by the Maliboomer, the Motor Boat Cruise, or the Skyway attractions.  Leak these designs to the internet and track the results until it can be proven that the majority of Disney fans believe them to be true.
• Design a replacement for the Mad Tea Party that actually fits the theme of Hollywood Land.
• Take any existing attraction and plus it.  Develop a proposal to convince accounting the cost is worth the investment.  Determine how to move forward when accounting turns down the proposal.

The Disney Heritage Badge:  This badge will demonstrate the scout’s commitment to maintaining the history of Disneyland and the Disneyland Resort.

• Using any Disneyland Pictorial Guide published prior to 1970, recreate as many scenes as possible.  Self-publish the results and watch the money roll in.
• Begin a movement to bring back an extinct attraction such as the PeopleMover, Country Bear Jamboree, Adventure Thru Inner Space, or Wizard of Bras.  Efforts should include development of a web page, a nationwide email campaign, and organization of picket lines outside the park.  (Note:  Superstar Limo will not be considered an appropriate choice.)
• As you ride Pirates of the Caribbean, It’s a Small World, the Enchanted Tiki Room, and the Haunted Mansion, sing along with every word.  Use all necessary efforts to refrain from even humming the songs afterwards.
• Identify all repurposed animatronic figures in Splash Mountain and Star Tours.  Explain why it was worth gutting the perfectly acceptable America Sings to save the cost of building new figures.
• Sit on the Main Street porch and identify all instances where someone is wearing clothing that would have been appropriate when the park opened.  Prepare an essay on why the good ol’ days aren’t quite as good as we think they were.

The Cast Member Badge:  The scout will show an understanding of cast member best practices by providing evidence of always pointing with two fingers, knowing what time the 4:30 parade starts, and never working enough hours to invalidate part-time employment status.

The Perfect Disneyland Day Badge:  Many people have their own definitions of a perfect Disneyland day.  However, if the scout can provide evidence of achieving each of the following, no one can deny that a perfect Disneyland day has, indeed, been achieved.

• Ride Indiana Jones Adventure, Big Thunder Mount Railroad, and Radiator Springs Racer in succession without any effects malfunctioning.
• Ride through the Grand Canyon diorama without anyone using flash photography.
• Get soaking wet/stay completely dry on Grizzly River Run.  (The choice of wet or dry is up the scout’s discretion but must be made prior to riding.)
• Watch a parade without anyone blocking your view by holding up a child or an IPad

The Ultimate Disneyland Badge:  The ultimate Disneyland experience includes visiting the most exclusive portions of the park.  The scout must ride the Lilly Belle, visit Walt’s Apartment, have a drink at Club 33, spend the night in the Disney Dream Suite, and play basketball in the top of the Matterhorn.  Evidence requires that pictures be posted as a trip report to the appropriate web site.

And the most important badge is reserved for those scouts who ride every attraction in both parks in one day:  The Gumball Rally Badge.

Photos of MiceChat Gumball Rally Team Spirit Award winners, The Wilderness Explorers. They’ve earned their new badge, wouldn’t you agree?.

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