Well, it’s been a little while since I’ve had anything to share, but part of the reason is that I’ve been hard at work on a little Christmas present for y’all. And here it is. Some holiday songs adapted for Disneyland fans everywhere.
(One suggestion: These are much better if you actually sing them out loud. So hide your embarrassment, show your Disney pride, and ignore the strange looks you get from the people riding along on the tram.)
Standing in Another Disney Line
Children cry, are you listening.
Right behind dads are bristling.
The sun beating down;
Moms in a meltdown.
Standing in another Disney line.
Gone away are the hours.
Everyone needs a shower.
We move up one space,
Then wait and we wait.
Standing in another Disney line.
Partway through we see a person line jump.
We begin to yell and scream and shout.
CMs come and talk to Mr. Line Jump.
We beg but they refuse to throw him out.
Later on, we’re so tired,
Feet and legs are on fire.
How long is this trip?
Our Fitbit has quit.
Standing in another Disney line.
In the middle we come to a fountain.
Perfect for when it’s this hot a day.
Then another problem starts a mountin’.
How come the bathroom is so far away?
When we’re close, ain’t it thrilling,
All that time we were killing.
We’re finally there.
We curse and we swear.
We were only in the Fastpass line.
The Safety Song
Do not get out of the vehicle.
Keep your hands inside the car.
Pull the strap from the side of the seat
and snap it in the console at the left.
Everybody knows don’t pull down on the safety bar,
I will lower it for you.
Tiny tots must be with an adult.
And seat belts must remain fastened.
We know that we must stay seated.
There’ll be no flash photography or food or drink.
And every carryon you’ve brought along.
It must be safely stowed beneath your seat.
And so we’re offering this safety spiel
To kids from one to ninety-two.
Although it’s been said many times many ways,
“Por favor mantengase alejado de las puertas!”
The Little Second Gate
Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum.
A brand new park to see, pa rum pum pum pum.
We’ve got a second gate, pa rum pum pum pum.
We think it’s really great, pa rum pum pum pum,
Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.
So I saw DCA, pa rum pum pum pum.
Boy was I bummed.
There was a space shot ride, pa rum pum pum pum.
A movie about wine, pa rum pum pum pum.
An orange peel with swings, pa rum pum pum pum.
And Whoopi’s golden dream, pa rum pum pum pum,
Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.
And that limousine, pa rum pum pum pum.
Boy was that dumb.
Crowds stayed away in droves, pa rum pum pum pum.
So heads began to roll, pa rum pum pum pum.
The whole place got retooled, pa rum pum pum pum.
I guess good sense can rule, pa rum pum pum pum,
Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.
Look at what they made, pa rum pum pum pum.
Out of that slum.
And one final song for the end of the year, a bittersweet reminder that, with all the new that is to come, we lose a bit of the past.
Auld Attractions
Should auld attractions be forgot
And never brought to mind?
There’ll be a nod to one or two
But most are lost in time.
Forget the clock and Viewliner,
Forget the Rocket Rods,
Forget the Keel Boats and Skyway,
And forget Wizard of Bras.
Now Captain EO met this fate,
Yet managed to return.
But once again he’s been replaced
With clips of things to come.
Forget the Circarama’s screen,
Forget the stubborn mules,
Forget flights to the Moon and Mars,
And the mighty molecules.
We know there’s great things just ahead,
We look forward to those days.
But there’s great memories from the past
That we won’t let slip away.
For auld attractions sing, my dear.
For auld attractions sing.
We swear we never will forget.
For the auld attractions sing.