You’ve Got To Be Kidding is parody. Let yourself have a little fun for a moment.

Let’s face it.  Many of us have been to Disney parks a number of times and, while the cavalcade of excitement never diminishes, sometimes we find ourselves looking for something to do that is just a little bit different.  Toward that end, following is a list of alternative activities you and your friends might try.  Some are games, some are diversions, and some are comic japes.  But all are designed to put the spice of variety into your next Disney visit.

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Yee Haw! Yee Haw! Cowboy Life for me!

While riding Pirates of the Caribbean, make up your own words and sing them loudly.  See if anyone can tell the difference.

Instead of hidden Mickeys, search for hidden Walts.

Play “Spot the Tattoo”.  Make bingo cards which contain various tattoo characteristics such as color, design elements, and location.  Remember while playing to be careful where you stare.

Document every minute of your trip on Facebook.  Caption every picture “…and then I did this.”  See how many friends you can eliminate.

Have your entire party rush up to a cast member and ask which land has the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.  Before the cast member can answer, someone from your party should point to the nearest Disney mountain and scream “There it is!”  As everyone runs off, someone should turn to the cast member and say “Thank you so very much.  We always have the best time here at Sea World.”  You win if the cast member sighs.  You lose if the cast member breaks down crying.

Hold a heated debate about who the best MiceChat columnist is.  If you reach the conclusion that it is Andy Castro, start over.  (This one is in affectionate gratitude for everything Andy has done over the past 8 years.)

Wrap your arm in plaster or fiberglass.  Enter backstage areas and, when asked to leave, act put out and say, “But I thought this area was for cast members.”  Provide your own rimshot.

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That Obscure Area?

Find an obscure and boring wall.  Intensely stare at a point somewhere near the top of that wall and mutter phrases such as “I can’t believe it” and “When did they change that?”  See how many people you can get to stare with you.  Double points if you can get a Disney fan to come up and say “Yeah, they did that last week.”  Ultimate points if the fan then goes on to say “And I really don’t like it.”

Wander through stores and, every time you see a Frozen-themed item, turn to a stranger and say “Seriously, let it go.”  Laugh really hard at your own joke.

Dole whip + underwear = instant relief from the heat.

While waiting in line say “Did anyone else hear what happened on this ride?”  When others push for details just give them a cat-eating-the-canary grin and say, “Sorry, my settlement doesn’t allow me to discuss it.”

Enter the park wearing old timey country clothes.  Walk up to guests, lightly touch them on the shoulder, and whisper “Psst, have you heard of Knott’s Berry Farm?”

Stand in an open area and point at things with a single finger.

Laugh uproariously every time you hear someone say “These are not the [blanks] you are looking for.”  Suddenly stop and say, “I don’t get it.”

Volunteer for every survey in which you are asked to participate.  Lie.

Have everyone in your group spread out across the pathway and walk very slowly, stopping at the most inopportune times.  (As you probably already know, this is an incredibly popular activity.)

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Play! Play! Play to drink!

Play the Pixar Play Parade Drinking Game.  Arrive early, purchase sufficient wine to complete the game, and get a seat near the Blue Sky Cellar – somewhere close to the action.  Round one starts when the crowd begins to gather.  Players take a drink each time one of the following occurs:  a cast member tells a guest to move behind the line, a verbal barrage occurs when someone steps on someone else’s blanket, or someone insists their kids should be allowed to push to the front even though they arrived just before the parade is supposed to start.  For those players who survive the first round, round two begins at the start of the parade.  Players take a drink every time someone blocks everyone’s view by using a tablet to take a picture, a father puts his kid on his shoulders (again, blocking everyone’s view), or someone walking behind the crowd stops to watch the parade (blocking your view, specifically).  For the real hardcore, kick the game up a notch by taking a drink every time you see someone in the crowd throw their fingers in the air to count down “5, 4, 3, 2, 1.”  (Note:  When playing this version, be sure you have purchased a lot of wine.)

Wear Mickey ears with aluminum foil prominently sticking out from under them.  When anyone asks, glance both ways to make sure no one is listening, lean close in a conspiratorial manner, and whisper “They stole Space Mountain from me.  They’re not getting anything else.”

Get to know the first names of the security personnel who escort you from the park.

 Please feel free to add to this list!

Mike Jacka
Mike lives in Phoenix, Arizona and has two claims to fame. The first is that he was born the day Disneyland opened. So, yes, he is old. The second is that he is the funniest internal auditor in the profession of internal auditing. Yes, a very low bar. Yes, this is akin to being the sanest person in the asylum. So why not combine those two great achievements? Why not combine that love for Disneyland with a slightly offbeat sense of humor? I guess we'll all find out.