You’ve Got To Be Kidding is parody. Allow yourself a chuckle or two and enjoy today’s edition. You might just help a friend or family member solve a serious medical condition.
Is the thrill gone? Are you finding it harder and harder to get up for that next trip to Disneyland? Is the prospect of putting up with parking, crowds, and construction walls causing one of the most vibrant experiences of your life to wither and die?
Or, perhaps, it isn’t you. Is your wife becoming reluctant to ride Small World for the third time? Does your husband actually ask about the cost of an annual pass before having it renewed? Is your daughter willing to stand in line no more than one hour to meet a princess? Does your son seemed uninvolved when everyone else is discussing the latest changes to your favorite Main Street window? Is there no one willing to join you in a little game of “Peak Through the Scrim to See Where the Dirt Has Moved Today?”
Then you or someone you love may be suffering from Disney Excitement Dysfunction. DED is a real disease which many people experience without realizing they are, indeed, suffering.
But now there is hope. After years of testing, soft openings, and approvals, the wizards at Medical Kingdom Solutions have the answer. New Disneyall!
Disneyall is a prescription medicine (the happiest prescription on earth) that allows users to overcome the debilitating effects of DED. Taken once daily before bed time, Disneyall will transform even the most morose former Disney fan back into the giddy, fun-loving, Disney geek who once obsessed over every changed tree, railing, nut and bolt within the park.
You no longer need to be DED to the World, the Land, or any other Disney park. It’s a great, big, beautiful tomorrow. And you can ensure that you enjoy all the tomorrow Disney has to offer with new Disneyall.
Warning: Talk to your doctor to see if Disneyall is right for you. Check with your doctor to ensure you are healthy enough to experience Disney parks. In the event your doctor is unsure, we can provide a list of Disneyall approved doctors, many handily located in the Anaheim and Orlando areas.
Side effects may include dry mouth, shakiness, headaches, restless leg walking, confusion, ceaselessly humming the Swisskapolka, Dole Whip cravings, corn dog cravings, churro cravings, difficulty keeping cash on hand, an unhealthy attachment to the Dapper Dans, a permanent rose-colored tint, turkey legs, aggressiveness, unapproved cosplay, agitation, refusing to remove any sets of ears, unusual changes in mood or behavior, or an unexplained desire to stand in lines.
Disneyall may lower your ability to fight good mods. Watch for uncontrolled muscle movement as these may become permanent, including grinning, laughing, or running upon seeing rope drops.
Do not drink alcohol in excess when using Disneyall. In particular, do not use Disneyall any time you are anywhere near Trader Sam’s. In addition, avoid all boysenberry related products.
Driving, eating, or engaging in other activities while not fully awake without remembering the event the next day have been reported. This has included starting impromptu “Let it Go” singalongs, leading groups through the park while wearing plaid vests, and showing people the back side of water.
Disneyall may increase the risk of heart pain as you pine for another visit to the park. Dizziness and fainting may occur upon seeing Disney related advertising. In very rare instances, Disneyall users grow pencil-thin mustaches and try to climb the firehouse pole.
Seek immediate medical assistance if you experience a desire to ride Storybook Land Canal Boats lasting more than four hours.