Time for a quick game of “Would You Rather”. Disney style.
Would you rather always see the world as a black-and-white Mickey Mouse cartoon or have everyone else in the world sound like Captain Rex from Star Tours?
Would you rather be responsible for Superstar Limo or Luigi’s Tires?
Would you rather stand in line behind a whiny baby or a whiny annual passholder?
Would you rather discover that you identify with Smee or marry someone you later discover identifies with Captain Hook?
Would you rather understand what it means to paint with all the colors of the wind or drink from the Rivers of America and actually see the colors of the wind?
Would you rather listen to “It’s a Small World” on continuous loop for 24 hours or date a music major who spends the whole evening explaining why the chordal structures, rhythmic underpinnings, and lack of counterpoints make the song so successful? What if it was “Baroque Hoedown”?
Would you rather sit through the unedited director’s cut of The Black Hole or throw yourself into an actual black hole?
Would you rather come excruciatingly close to getting a job in Imagineering and then not get it or actually get a job with Disney that turns out to be in accounting where you are responsible for eliminating all of Imagineering’s brilliant ideas for “budget reasons”?
Would you rather have to admit that, to find out who he was, you had to google Ub Iwerks or Bob Gurr?
Would you rather be in a London taxi where the driver professes an everlasting affection for Mr. Toad or ride in a Los Angeles cab and have the driver proclaim “This here’s the wildest ride in the wilderness”?
Would you rather come up with reasons why The Lone Ranger was actually a film classic or be required to move all that unsold John Carter merchandise?
Would you rather be a screenplay writer who can’t get a job because your ideas are just not original enough or be hired to write Cars 5?
Would you rather be forced to live on Disneyland chimichangas for ten weeks or ride the tea cups for ten minutes with a group who just ate the entire contents of a chimichanga cart?
Would you rather spend your life trying to achieve the unattainable perfection that is embodied by every princess or just live in the closest thing to a castle, find the closest thing to a prince, and have a princess-themed wedding at the local Elk’s lodge?
Would you rather every new person you meet greet you with “To all who come to this happy place, welcome” or be told, every time you get in any vehicle, “Por favor, mantenganse alejado des las puertas”?
Would you rather fly away using an umbrella or jump into a chalk drawing? What if the umbrella took you to a high-pressure DVC sales pitch and the chalk drawing took you to the original version of DCA?
Would you rather your nickname was Stinky Pete or Paul Pressler.
Would you rather take a bite from a poisoned apple, fall asleep, and be awoken by a really ugly prince or wear a glass slipper to the ball and have one of them shatter as you run away, resulting in your foot swelling so badly that, when the prince arrives, the shoe no longer fits.
Would you rather 90% of your smartphone Fastpass requests not register or be forced to actually read the site’s terms and conditions.
Would you rather be out on the dance floor only to discover that your partner is a bear using coconuts to disguise himself as an orangutan or eat a plate of spaghetti and suddenly find yourself lip to lip with the dog on the other side of the table?
What’s your best Disney would-you-rather?