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And the holidays begin....

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by , 11-20-2007 at 11:28 AM
I love the holidays. Starting with Halloween everything different decorations go up for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love each holiday for it's own thing,

Halloween is pure fun. No stress, no worries, just silly decorations and candy.
Thanksgiving is the harkening of fall. A wonderful meal, a time to remember and the last deep breathe before,
Christmas. What can I say? I love the decorations, I love to shop and try and find the perfect gift and I love that my kid is home for a good long time and we can hang out and do family activities.

Thanksgiving starts the stress. I'm hoping to do better with it this year. I tend to get overzealous at what needs to get done and unrealistic about what can get done.

This year is exceptionally tough, in among everything I need to continue to take care of myself and I'm not doing all that great with that. Everyday I'm not improving my health is another day lost. Work is continuing to be stressful. And then the major fallout with my mom.

While I feel relieved that I don't feel I need to keep up the pretense anymore. I still feel a sadness creeping up about the family I've never had/never will have. I've noticed it this week as Thanksgiving draws nearer, the headaches/neckaches are back and with them my favorite friends doubt/insecurity.

That's what the whole deal is for me. It's a reminder that I'm never have been or never will be good enough or loved the way I should be. And it spills over, I can't always believe anyone will care or that I'll make any kind of difference. It just perpetuates a viscious cycle of beating myself down.

I hope I can make this year different. I know I'm going to give it my best shot!

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  1. Grumpy4's Avatar
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    Patty this year will be better and different. Mostly because you are aware of things. You're stronger than you think and have overcome so much this last year. I've seen that strength in you.

    And you need to remember that you ARE loved and not just on the outside or to make you feel better. You really are. You have made a huge impact on many, definitely included. You've definitely made a difference in my life. There have been so many times that you have helped open my eyes to who I am, and who, and what, I have around me. I will forever be thankful for that. I couldn't be more proud to call you my friend. Mostly because I am so proud to call you my family.

    It's time to take notice of the happy things and the people around you that love you. Focus on you and focus on those that make you happy....that bring a smile to your face. I know you are one of the people that brings a smile to my face every day.

    I wish you all the best these holidays. And you know where I am if you need me.
  2. SusieP.'s Avatar
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    New rule for you: Only do what YOU want to do, and not what you think others want you to do. When you let go of your expectations for yourself, people around you will also relax and drop their expectations too, and then everyone is secretly relieved. Because traditions aren't worth as much when they are rooted in obligation, you know? I loved how you were making that family bread the other day, taking it back and making it your own. That is important.

    Do what you love. Celebrate everything.

    I love you, SisterP!
  3. IndianaJenn's Avatar
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    Patty - You are so incredible words can't even describe it. It hurts me that you are so hard on yourself. I wish you saw the beautiful, smart, funny, caring, loving person we all see.

    This is a fantastic time of year. Do what makes you happy.

    Sending you a big hug. I love you!

  4. dsnylndmom's Avatar
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    Patty, Susie's right, you need to do what's right for YOU. You need to focus on YOU this holiday season. Let go of the past, stresses and frustrations. Focus on your fun and lame movies make your famous rum balls and overdecorate your house. Do the things that make YOU happy and everything else will fall into place.

    Don't forget that you ARE loved, there are people that can't imagine not having you in their lives, of all ages, all over the country I adore you
  5. LuvsLilo's Avatar
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    Another "Listen to Susie" post from me too. She ir smert.

    I hart yu. You are awesome. One of the things I'm thankful for this year is that we have become much closer friends. Your awesomeness, friendship, and your support have helped me so much, especially recently.