And the holidays begin....
by, 11-20-2007 at 11:28 AM
I love the holidays. Starting with Halloween everything different decorations go up for Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love each holiday for it's own thing,
Halloween is pure fun. No stress, no worries, just silly decorations and candy.
Thanksgiving is the harkening of fall. A wonderful meal, a time to remember and the last deep breathe before,
Christmas. What can I say? I love the decorations, I love to shop and try and find the perfect gift and I love that my kid is home for a good long time and we can hang out and do family activities.
Thanksgiving starts the stress. I'm hoping to do better with it this year. I tend to get overzealous at what needs to get done and unrealistic about what can get done.
This year is exceptionally tough, in among everything I need to continue to take care of myself and I'm not doing all that great with that. Everyday I'm not improving my health is another day lost. Work is continuing to be stressful. And then the major fallout with my mom.
While I feel relieved that I don't feel I need to keep up the pretense anymore. I still feel a sadness creeping up about the family I've never had/never will have. I've noticed it this week as Thanksgiving draws nearer, the headaches/neckaches are back and with them my favorite friends doubt/insecurity.
That's what the whole deal is for me. It's a reminder that I'm never have been or never will be good enough or loved the way I should be. And it spills over, I can't always believe anyone will care or that I'll make any kind of difference. It just perpetuates a viscious cycle of beating myself down.
I hope I can make this year different. I know I'm going to give it my best shot!