http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/ MiceChat is a Disney theme parks news blog, and discussion forum. We love Disney, so visit MiceChat to see the latest Disney park information and news! en Sun, 22 Nov 2009 13:32:05 GMT vBulletin 60 http://micechat.com/forums/images/mc3/misc/rss.jpg http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/ http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/1052-startling-frightening-insight-into-mind-total-loon.html Sun, 05 Apr 2009 20:48:21 GMT Anybody who knows me knows that optimism is NOT my strong point. My worldview leans towards the fatalistic. I tend to fall into despair and fear when... Anybody who knows me knows that optimism is NOT my strong point. My worldview leans towards the fatalistic. I tend to fall into despair and fear when faced with a challenge. I do not know why this is, only that it is.

My life has gone through such dramatic changes over the last few years. Hell, just in the last 6 months, even. And almost all of those changes sent me into a spiral of panic, fear, and self doubt. No matter how many times I've proven to myself that I have what it takes to overcome whatever roadblocks stand between me and whatever I want, I always find myself doubting. Can I handle this? Can I get through this? How will I possibly come out of this? I do not know why this is, only that it is.

So here I am. I've survived quitting a perfectly good (if stressful) job. I've survived quitting therapy and anti-anxiety drugs. I've survived being unemployed for 4 months. I've survived marital problems. I've survived the disappointment of not achieving my goal of going to school and making more of myself. I've survived everything that's been thrown at me.

Did I survive it with grace? Absolutely not. I was paralyzed by fear and indecision. I became a nightmare to be around for my family and friends. And...somehow, once again, I climbed out of it on the other side, looked around, and realized that I made it through intact.

Life isn't easy. Some people are better equipped to cope with bumps in the road than others. I'm not one of those people. Even when I make up my mind to use optimism as a way to pull through it, I don't buy into it. I don't believe in myself, choosing instead to believe that luck has gotten me through times of crisis and trouble. This isn't something I like about myself, but I don't know how to change it and sometimes worry that it's too late to teach this old dog any new tricks.

I'm blessed to be surrounded by people who believe in me, even when I can't (or won't) belive in myself. Time and time again, I feel like I've let those people down, and that their belief in me is misplaced. I wonder if I'll ever be able to see myself the way they do? ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/1052-startling-frightening-insight-into-mind-total-loon.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/1022-knock-knock-whos-there-eff-off.html Fri, 13 Mar 2009 01:41:04 GMT To Hector, our new supervisor: eff off. You might be the biggest jerk I've ever met. I hate you, and you have no people skills. I know you are revered by many for your intelligence and smooth, shiny bald head, but I prefer to focus on your complete and utter douchiness. Thank you for coming to our department and bringing us into total chaos. Things used to run pretty smoothly, and now nobody can even find one simple effing file when it needs to be turned in. Thanks for nothing! Ever heard the phrase, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it"? Yeah, I didn't think you had. I look forward to watching you fail so thoroughly and completely, they send you back to your old position as collections supervisor in shame. Oh, and you're short. I hate little people.

To Charles, who can't get it throught your head that my name isn't Veronica, eff off. My name isn't Veronica. Although I may have mentioned it to you about 8 times, you still can't seem to get it. Are you slow or just forgetful? Well, either way, guess what, Rain Man? My name still isn't Veronica, and no matter how many times you call me that, it's not going to be.

To Dr. Djallalian, at the UCI ear nose and throat clinic: eff off. When you told me about this horrifically painful procedure that would traumatize me but restore the hearing in my right ear, I was terrified. I spent the last 3 weeks fluxuating between despair and complete and total terror of what you were going to do to me today. Wish you would have told me there was a chance it would start to correct itself, and saved me the trip. Now I have no pain, but guess what? I still can't hear, you useless quack. Why don't you take that tube camera you jammed up my nose, and shove it up your incompetent ***. Maybe you'll find your brain up there.

To Jessi's ex Chris: eff off. What kind of man wouldn't even bother to show up in court to fight for custody of his own children? Oh, you wouldn't know, you're no man at all, just a stupid boy. The best part of you is currently being raised by a kick-*** single mom and will probably never know what a useless tool their "father" (and I use the term loosely) really is. Your mother should have swallowed and saved the rest of us decent people the indignity of knowing that such a pathetic loser exists in the same space and time as us.

And MiceChat, thanks for losing this post the first time, and making me come back and relive my hate. :p ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/1022-knock-knock-whos-there-eff-off.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/1002-eff-off.html Thu, 26 Feb 2009 00:46:20 GMT I'd like to give a big, heartfelt eff off to just about everyone in the world right now. I'm in a rotten mood, and I'm feeling ready to kick puppies or pinch babies.

To Lisa, at Patterson Recovery (who we PAY to repossess our trailers and boats), eff off. Don't send me 14 emails in one day about why things weren't done 2 months before I even started working here. We pay you, bitch, not the other way around, so drop your snotty attitude and just start doing the work we're paying you to do.

To Dave, the nerdy guy with the wonky eye who sits across from me, eff off. Don't come to my desk and give me unsolicited advice on how to do a job I've been doing for 13 years, especially when there's no complaints about my performance. If I want advice on how to word something another way, I'll come to you. I can't even tell if you're talking to me, or to the guy over there, because you're looking at us both. At the same effing time.

To Gabriel, the douchey Don Juannabe who I worked with 5 years ago and have the sad misfortune of working with again, eff off. I didn't like you then and I don't like you now. Stop acting like we're friends. Stop asking me if I still talk to anybody from our old employer - I hated those miserable bastards almost as much as I hate you.

To Dan, the crazy germophobe who sits in the next aisle, eff off. I don't want to participate in your potluck, so stop asking me what I'm going to bring. And stop spraying that effing Lysol all over the place, it makes my airways slam shut. Keep it at your desk, chump.

I'm sure I'll come up with a few more, given time to stew in my hatred. ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/1002-eff-off.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/998-hmm.html Sat, 21 Feb 2009 01:07:38 GMT I feel like I have a jumble of stuff in my head, and I feel like I should get it out, but upon closer examination, these thoughts are merely... I feel like I have a jumble of stuff in my head, and I feel like I should get it out, but upon closer examination, these thoughts are merely fragments, and don't deserve much examination.

I love my husband. Being married has provided us with some amazing challenges, but I'm seeing how simple things are to get through now that we're together. Nothing is solely "my problem" or "his problem", anything that comes up from now on is our problem, and we've been tackling them that way with great results. This pleases me.

My new job is going pretty good, the biggest drawback is that I'm tired and ready for bed by 10 or so every night. It's paying me pretty well to do such easy work, so I can't complain too much.

I dunno, I thought there was more, but this is all I came up with. ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/998-hmm.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/958-hes-gone.html Mon, 26 Jan 2009 05:04:42 GMT ...or at least fading away. And I don't mind one bitty bit. Good riddance, and don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you. :wave: ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/958-hes-gone.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/780-casey-anthony-indicted-murder.html Wed, 15 Oct 2008 21:15:15 GMT Yesterday, after her 2 year old daughter Caylee Marie Anthony has been missing for almost 4 months, Casey Anthony was finally indicted on capital... Yesterday, after her 2 year old daughter Caylee Marie Anthony has been missing for almost 4 months, Casey Anthony was finally indicted on capital charges of murder in the first degree, as well as 6 other charges. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I am happy that this bitch is finally being brought to justice and held accountable for the disappearance and murder of her sweet baby daughter. On the other hand, it's been almost 4 months and there has still been no sign of this child's body. Her mother has consistently lied and refused to cooperate with authorities, and it appears she will do so until she is sentenced.

Obviously the evidence against her is compelling enough for a grand jury to agree to charge her with a capital offense even without a body, which is wonderful. However, it breaks my heart to think of this sweet angel somehwere out there, with no proper burial. I don't know why this case has grabbed me so hard. Maybe because I myself was a young, single mother. Maybe it's because Casey Anthony seems too pretty to have done such a despicable, heinous thing. Maybe it's because Caylee Anthony was such a cute baby. I just don't understand what could ever compel a mother to murder her child and then just abandon her body. No matter how young you are, no matter how many things you're missing out on, how could anyone do such an awful thing? It really boggles the mind.

Here's hoping the murder one charges stick, and here's hoping a jury will sentence this evil woman to death. She has shown no remorse whatsoever, other than a few crocodile tears shed (I believe) over getting caught. During the month her daughter was missing, before her mother called 911 and reported her missing, this chick was out partying it up at clubs, screwing around with men, and just acting like a general skank. Not exactly the actions of a caring, loving, concerned mother. :(

Tim Miller of Texas Equa Search (spelling?) has spent considerable amounts of money and time slogging through the swamps of Florida, searching for this baby's body so she can have a proper burial and a final resting place. He has said that they will not stop looking for Caylee, even though her very own grandparents are no longer cooperating with his efforts. This guy deserves some kind of an effing medal for all the work he has done over the years on behalf of these abused, murdered, throwaway children.

I could go on, but that's enough for now.

RIP Caylee Marie Anthony. I hope they find you soon. :( ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/780-casey-anthony-indicted-murder.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/767-awesome.html Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:12:31 GMT You know what? I'm pretty awesome. And I don't need a college education to be awesome. I'm intelligent, beautiful, funny, and charming as all get out. Those are what I like to call "real world tools".

My life is not turning out how I thought it would, and that's all right. It's going to turn out how it's supposed to, and everything between point A and point B is just filler. Life's too short for regrets and heartache over things you have no power to change.

I do have the power to change how I look at my situation. ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/767-awesome.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/763-giving-up.html Mon, 06 Oct 2008 18:29:05 GMT Here goes nothing: I won't be starting school this month after all. Chances are, I won't be starting in January either. I have a feeling it's time for me to put that one away and rejoin everybody else in reality. I'm giving up on this particular dream and I'm not going to waste even one more minute on it. It's time for me to grow up, find a suitable job, and just be an adult. ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/763-giving-up.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/753-weekend.html Thu, 02 Oct 2008 01:26:46 GMT I'm so excited for this weekend! I'm going to Disneyland! And I get to see some dear friends. Many who won't be here will be sorely missed, this is for sure. But I am pleased to be seeing those who will be around. :)) I'm even sending Paige to my mom's house so I can have grownup time. :evil: Should be interesting with no drinking. I haven't actually remembered a Gay Days weekend since I started going. ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/753-weekend.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/735-malaise.html Wed, 24 Sep 2008 18:50:54 GMT Thank God my vicious, violent depression is fading (I hope!) It seems to be settling into a general feeling of blah. I'm sleeping a lot (I'm taking Benadryl to help counteract the dizzy spells right now) and I have no motivation to do much of anything. I'm hoping to shake it off pretty soon. ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/735-malaise.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/726-rough.html Sun, 21 Sep 2008 20:11:59 GMT As of today I've been off my psych meds for 4 days. Amazing what a difference they made. I'm going through all the classic signs of withdrawal and whatnot, it's what happens when you're on Effexor for 3 years and then just stop taking it. I'm trying to maintain my positive thoughts, I know once this passes I'll feel better. But right now I'm a fcuking wreck. Very easily upset, I'm crying every 10 minutes over the lamest things. My mom doesn't know if she should put me on suicide watch or what to do. My husband might just kill himself before this whole thing is over. I know I'mnot quite myself right now, so I know that any life changing or important decisions will need to wait until I'm (somewhat) right in the head again. ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/726-rough.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/715-friends-like-these.html Thu, 18 Sep 2008 21:12:37 GMT The powers that be have blessed me with some remarkable friends, both near and far, both newer and older. These are people who won't let me stay down on the ground when I fall, people who constantly reassure and remind me that I am worth something. People who believe in me even when I'm afraid to believe in myself. People who care for and love me like I was their very own family. Each individual has brought something so precious to my life and my being.

So with friends like these, how could I possibly fail? ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/715-friends-like-these.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/698-when-will-i-done.html Mon, 15 Sep 2008 06:07:34 GMT I try very hard to be a good person. I've made a lot of changes in my life over the past few years, in the hopes of bettering myself overall. Thing is, every time I fix one thing, or get started, I find something else to fix or change.. And another thing. And so on and so forth.

So, when will I be done? When will I feel like a complete, good, and true person who is living up to her potential as a productive member of society? I'm not looking for instant results, but am I the only person in the world who feels so unfinished? I see so many ways I could be better. A better wife, a better mother, a better friend.

I feel like an old home purchased very cheaply, and then finding out everything's broken. I'm turning into one huge fixer-upper. :blink: ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/698-when-will-i-done.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/691-meh.html Fri, 12 Sep 2008 19:08:02 GMT I've been feeling rather meh since returning from vacation. Maybe now that I have no work to dread going to, my life is lacking? ;) Probably not. I'm just feeling overly sleeepy (went to bed before 7pm last night and just got up 10 minutes ago). My ankle hurts like seven sons of bitches right now, as do both of my knees. I look like I was in a war, not on vacation. ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/691-meh.html http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/681-screw-nature.html Wed, 10 Sep 2008 15:01:39 GMT Yep, you heard me. I despise mother nature and all of her evil, wicked, biting, stinging, scraping abominations. And especially for her damned uneven... Yep, you heard me. I despise mother nature and all of her evil, wicked, biting, stinging, scraping abominations. And especially for her damned uneven pavement. My ankle is so sprained it's not even funny. I feel like I might die. I hate the great outdoors, and they seem to be none too fond of me these days.

Give me sidewalks and streetlights and freeways and 7-11's every third block. Give me strip malls, glorious strip malls with Cheesecake Factory and P F Changs and Ikea and Barnes & Noble and Best Buys. Give me 24 hour supermarkets and pharmacies and places that sell blessed alcohol on Sunday. ]]> sunnygirl http://micechat.com/forums/blogs/sunnygirl/681-screw-nature.html