How come Disneyland isn’t exactly the way I think it should be? I mean COME ON! What happened? I know what happened, Eisner happened. Dang him! Dang him to Heck!
I miss the days of Walt with flying saucers, houses of tomorrow, very very young trees… I sometimes look at the photos of days when my grandpa went and just cry at the current state of Disneyland. Why can’t Disneyland go back to the grandeur that was apparent on opening day? When’s the last time YOU had your high heel sink in freshly poured asphalt? Not anytime I would remember I can tell you. No one wears high heels anymore for one thing, and where’s all the asphalt anyway? Asphalt is Walt’s own chosen turf.
It’s gotten to the point I don’t even want to go to Disneyland anymore. What do they have there anyway? Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Snake that Doesn’t Work Sometimes? Splash “our owl doesn’t say anything” Mountain? Space “everyone who rides this new version hates Dick Dale” Mountain? Thunder “kill all the donkeys and toss up a thrill ride” Mountain? The “no theme in the 45 min line” Matterhorn? The Haunted “how am I suppose to be scared with exit signs clearly visible” Mansion? Pirates of the “why don’t we just play tetherball with Walt’s head” Caribbean?
And don’t get me started on Disney’s Crapifornia Misadventure. There is NOTHING for ANYONE to do there EVER. No kids rides, no thrill rides, no family rides. All they have is a stupid hubcap and thirty thousand ice cream carts that don’t provide napkins. I miss the days when you could walk from your car to the front gates of Disneyland, now I have to sit in a tram? Tear down Crapisney’s Crapicrapnia’s Crapventcrap and put back our beloved parking lot, the parking lot that Walt parked his own car in.
My grand-pappy and grand-mama has told me all about the good day’s of Disney before it fell from grace. I’ve never been before and unless something changes soon I won’t be going until I move out and become head Imagineer. I will then restore everything to the way it SHOULD be. Kick out everything non-Disney like Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Buzz Lightyear, The Mark Twain, and Mr. Toad.
Alas, according to my plans it will be another 4 and ½ years before my plan can come to fruition. I urge all you who think it might be fun to go to Disneyland to reconsider for at least a decade until I can make it better for you.