That’s right, you heard me. I’m never going again. Disney had their chance to change for my whim, but now it’s too late. I present to you the top ten reasons I will never go to Disneyland again.
10. Crowds. How can Disney say they care about me or my family when the allow so many people into the parks? What if Main Street burst into flames one day after the fireworks? People would be burned, that’s what! I’ve never had a panic attack, but what if I got one during Fantasmic? I’ve complained to everyone I could find, cast member or otherwise, but nothing as been done.
9. Falling standards. You know what a quality ride was? The flying saucers, the house of tomorrow, the REAL Dumbo with the multi-colored straws. Nothing, I repeat, nothing built in Disneyland since my parents were kids is worth having.
8. Constant Vermin. I’ve seen mice, roaches, ants, bees, cats, ducks, fish, flies, dogs, illegal Mexicans, lady bugs, grass hoppers, caterpillars, swans, seagulls, and mice at Disneyland, Disney’s California Adventure, Downtown Disney, Mickey and Friends Parking area, and several “Good Neighbor” hotels. Gross gross gross.
7. Unsafe parking. Do they expect us to walk to our cars at the end of the day with only some guards and cameras? They should have personal scooters to transport us to our cars past armed security with AK-47s or 48s even.
6. Expensive Costs. $10 for parking? You gotta be kidding me. $8 for food? $10 for fast pass? $300 for a personalized tile? With all the money they make off of me from their sub par movies and DVDs I shouldn’t have to pay hardly anything to go to their park.
5. The Rape of Disney Classics. Adding piranhas to the Jungle Cruise? Adding Depp to Pirates of the Caribbean? Purple gay ghosts on Haunted Mansion? Let things happen the way Walt wanted… in a vacuum sealed tube. They are works of art like the Mona Lisa and other things that ruin the Catholic church.
4. Loss of Originality. Every ride has to be based off of a movie these days. Look back on the last 5 years, everything has been based off, not only a movie, but a non-Disney Movie at that… Star Tours, Indiana Jones, Malliboomer, come on!
3. They Never Pay Attention To My Ideas. I’ve submitted, by e-mail, literally hundreds of ways to make the park better. Everything from adding removable walkways across the Rivers of America to making a HUGE animatronics dragons that pop out of the sidewalk and breath fire. The only thing I’ve ever got in reply was a “your banned from VMK” e-mail.
2. The Pixarifacation of the Park. Pixar is not an will never be a part of Disney. They should just stop it already and make rides based off of Chicken Little and Valliant. If I see Woody or Buzz once more I’m gonna freak out.
1. Snooty Micechatters. That’s right, I see you all there at the hub every week, thinking your all that and a bag of chips, saying things like “Jump Mickey, Jump” making fun of me when I’m not around. Well you can all take a trip to H-E-double toothpick cuz I’m never going back.