I just got my greasy little hands on the unofficial list of teams for the Gumball Rally!!! Not only that, but my various spies in Disneyland has seen most of them practicing and gave me a complete report on their respective strategies.
TEAM WHERE IN THE (DISNEY) WORLD
This team has yet to complete the goal of riding all the attractions in one day. They spend too much time standing two inches from random bathroom fixtures trying to guess where they are.
TEAM PHOTO UPDATE
This team has come close a few times, but never made it the whole way. They are good, however, and photographing themselves on the rides with minimal flashage. They are easily distracted by funny cast members and religious people.
They have met at the parking structure a few times, but start to bemoan the fact that the over pixarization of Disneyland isn’t what they remember, or more correctly what they imagine they would remember if they were alive before Pixar, and then went home.
TEAM FASTPASS SUCKS
Come on, do you REALLY think they have a chance?
TEAM DISNEY WORLD
They have managed to ride very ride at the Magic Kingdom with enough time left over to eat dinner at the Electric Umbrella. Unfortunately, they live in Florida
THREAT: Minimal. Slightly more than TEAM FASTPASS SUCKS.
TEAM TOKYO DISNEY
They showed up but couldn’t stomach how bad Disney did on a theme park compared to The Oriental Land Company.
They did very well, and were all happy to discover that it took 4 hours 8 seconds to ride 15 attractions.
THREAT: Substantial .
OMG!!!11 they r teh hotsexor imholol!!!11 with teh linz and da fastpasexor dy r da #1BBQ!11
THREAT: WANT INFNO PPL PLZ!!!1
Very good team, but their fatal flaw is never being able to stay together or deciding on what to do next.
They start out fine, but end up puking on just about every ride they go on or surface they encounter.
TEAM TEENAGE APERS
Their youth, spunk, and experience are their strengths; their constant breaking of rules could be a big problem, as is their curfew.
TEAM LITTER BOX
Well… one of their teammates crapped in one of the rockets in the Astro Orbiter…. And the rest cheered them on.
TEAM STARLIGHT LOUNGE
They got disqualified for engaging in adult situations on the Haunted Mansion.
TEAM DEBATE LOUNGE
They were doing very well, until they found a dead duck. After that they just stood around and yelled about how Bush family oil has killed the duck and its whole family.
THREAT: As long as Bush is in office: Very High.
They start out strong, and then the members started to trail off leaving only one person. Then they just disappeared.
TEAM GAY DAYS
They didn’t really show up to compete, they just came to have a good time with a bunch of friendly people who wear completely innocent shirts, unless you are a perverted straight person or an over zealous Christian. So the shirt says, “I want to lie until my nose goes in your blowhole, Monstro.” What’s wrong with that?
Well there you have it. You may notice my team is not on the list, I don’t want to give anything away about my plans of course. (I’ll give you a hint. You have to figure out the Train station to Churro equitant to have any chance at all)