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  1. #1

    • Santa Barbara, CA
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    Fave Jungle Cruise Joke

    What Jungle Cruise Joke shocked you? bored you? still makes you laugh?

    Here's a bad one...

    "There's an Anheiser Busch getting ready to Bud"

    Let's hope yours are better...
    "As usual he's taken over the coolest spot in the house"- Father re: Orville 1963

    [FONT=Arial Narrow]

  2. #2

    • Member
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    Mar 2005
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    The Belafonte
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    481
    heck im blankin out on the jokes, the only one i can really remember right now is something about trader sam bein the biggest dealer of beanie babies in the jungle or sumthen.

  3. #3

    • Disney Blood Sisters
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    Laguna Niguel, CA
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    174
    Trader sam's special: "2 heads for just one of yours"
    "Just remember the month of May followed by a nerd."

  4. #4

    • Rainicorn.
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    Long Island, NY
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    "Look, there's a dock over there, and a dock over there. It's like a pair-a-docks."
    Well, light travels from the sun. Then, bounces off of our planet, and back into our eyes so we can perceive color. My body can intercept that light and dance around on it!


    -- robotarmada.net --


  5. #5

    • the rum is always gone
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    Apr 2005
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    319
    My personal favorite:
    "Hi, my name is ________ and I'll be your stripper... er I mean skipper today."

    Takes the Cake:
    "and two the left is the world's second most feared animal, the bull elephant, and too the right, the first most feared animal, his mother in law."

  6. #6

    • ...
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    May 2005
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    Ventura County, CA
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    966
    My favorite has always been:

    If you enjoyed your ride today, my name is Mark and this is the Jungle Cruise. If you didn't enjoy yourself, my name is Karen and you've just been on Storybook Land.

    ...Or something to that effect. I heard some skippers use IASW and PoTC instead of Storybook Land.

  7. #7

    • OM NOM NOM
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    Feb 2005
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    South Coast Metro
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    "Watch your step. If you miss the step and hit your head - watch your language."

    "As my parents said to me when I turned 18, 'Get out, you're on your own.' "

    "Let's see if I can translate what they're saying. Nope."

    "These two boathands will help you out of the boat. Remember kids - stay in school."
    Make something Idiot-Proof, and someone will build a better Idiot.


  8. #8

    • Theme song guy
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    Feb 2005
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    Utah
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    "Coming up is Shwitzer Falls... named after the famous explorer Albert...Falls"

    "Coming up on the left is the rare Bull Elephant... and for those of you with short term memory problems coming up on the right is the rare Bull Elephant."
    It's like i'm talking to a monkey, a really really big stupid monkey named Kronk.

  9. #9

    • Banned User
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    San Diego
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    "On the left we have a bengel tiger that can leap 25 feet in the air. Our boat is only 15 feet from him, so he can easily jump onto the boat and kill everyone on board."

    "ahhh, isn't it cute how those Lions are protecting that dead zebra that they killed?"

    "Look at that rhino about to poke those guys on the totem pole! I'll help you out buddies: *Bang Bang!* Okay guys, you can come down now."

    "On the left you will see a horrible stereotype of native african culture!"

    "Oh no! those guys have spears and can kill everyone on this boat! Luckily I have years of tecnilogical advantage against them: *Bang! Bang*!"

  10. #10

    • Minion
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    Feb 2005
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    "If you listen quietly, you can hear the baby hippos call out to their mom"
    someone yells out "HEY MOM!"
    M-I-C-K-E-Y P-R-I-M-E

    Flickr
    Lend a hand at Disney Wiki

  11. #11

    • Ohhh baboo :(
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    10 miles from the DLR. AP Holder for 9 years.
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    hahaha these are great!!

    "Hi folks, welcome to the Jungle Cruise. I'll be your skipper, Bob. That's Bob with ONE "B"."

  12. #12

    • Senior Minion
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    "Now there's something you don't see every day. But I do. Every single day..."

  13. #13

    • Best Buds
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    Apr 2005
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    Mouse-achusetts
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    "I'll be your Skipper, Gilligan, MaryAnne, Ginger..."

    And a bit a Skipper did for us one time (my description will be bad, the bit was funny) where the natives were re-setting to their position and she said, "Now stop that! Hang your heads in shame and think about what you've done."
    ------------------
    DLR '84, 85, 96, 02, 05, 06x2, 07x2, 08x2, 09, 10, 11; WDW '92, 98, 00, 06, 08, 10; DLP '02; TDR '07

    Hey, check out my podcast!
    http://www.comedy4cast.com

  14. #14

    • Banned User
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    Sacramento, CA, USA
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    "Please be careful when exiting the jungle cruise. We wouldn't want to scratch up out dock"

    My favorite joke was one that I heard from a friend and is not in the script. Near the end of the cruise some teenagers went running by the JC screaming and yelling and sort of took the whole boats attention, to which the skipper replied, "AH! I remember my first beer"

  15. #15

    • Who threw That Pie?
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    May 2005
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    Santa Monica, California
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    Favorites

    1) Do you know what the difference between the crocodiles and alligators are? The crocodiles are made of plastic and the alligators are made with fiberglass.

    2) [Pointing to pillars] This was the Walt Disney Company's first attempt at a monorail system.

    3) Please exit the boat the same way you entered...pushing and shoving.

    4) Okay ladies and gentlemen the native usually attack from the right hand side of the boat. [Natives attack] Wait one minute here!!! What are you guys doing on the left side of the boat??? You know I told you to attack from the right and another thing what are you doing just standing looking stupid with those spears in your hand your supposed to throw them! Get back down and try that one again!

    5) Ok everyone, here are the Monkeys, wave to the Monkeys... [silence] Ah, well, you see, they would wave back, but their hands are glued to the rocks.

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