Some Black-and-White Frame Story
[A nurse wheels Vicomte Raoul de Chagny into the decrepit old opera house for an auction. We know she’s an official nurse because she has a gigantic stork-like white nurse hat. A woman, who is clearly either Madame or Meg Giry because she is played by Miranda Richardson, recognizes Raoul, but does not go to him.]
AUCTIONEER: Let’s see—Lot 665, one creepy-a** ugly monkey found in the Opera vaults. Any takers?
SOME MADAME GIRY: Me, me!
RAOUL: Mmmmf.
RAOUL’S NURSE: Him, him!
AUCTIONEER: Sold! To the ancient gentleman with the Flying Nun. Moving on to… Lot 666, the Broken Chandelier OF DOOM—
ASSISTANT: And exposition.
AUCTIONEER: —OF DOOM AND EXPOSITION!
SOME GUY IN THE BACK: Why in the hell would anyone want to buy a giant broken chandelier?
AUCTIONEER: It’s a piece of history that figures in a deep and tragic mystery! Also, we wired it with electric bulbs. Look, it goes from cold to bombast in five seconds!
[Apparently the chandelier is also a time machine, because we are blasted back into 1870, a halcyon time marked by its love of garish opulence and naked gold women. LOUDLY.]

(from "Phantom of the Opera in 15 Minutes",
© 2005 Cleolinda Jones. All rights reserved. cleolinda.livejournal.com) Okay, back on topic then....
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