Well, it's a whole new year again! Time to make more useless resolutions we don't really intend to keep, watch frightening floral abominations stalk the streets of Southern California, and sing that silly song about forgetting all our old acquaintances or something-or-other.
You know, speaking of old acquaintances being forgotten, that reminds me of the curious evening I spent at Disneyland not too long ago. Now this story didn't happen yesterday, nor quite the day before, but more like December 13th, and it's taken me this long to post about it.
It all started when Jessica, Madame Momba, and I decided to spend a completely-normal-in-every-way evening at the park. Things happened as they usually do, right up to the point where Jessica decided to go perform her traditional bothering of Queen Grimhilde in Fantasyland.
But things didn't quite go as we expected them to . . .
Who woulda thought the Queen was a brawler?
See what I mean about old acquaintances being forgotten? With Jessica floorin' it to Toon Town without us, Madame Momba and I figured now was as good a time as any to expand our social circle. Most precipitously, Queen Grimhilde felt likewise. However, Grim simply couldn't go on a wicked night out without her sister in darkness, so she borrowed Madame Momba's phone and gave her BFF a ring:
They were simply overjoyed to see each other:
With Queen Grimhilde and Maleficent in your party of four, you can't help but want to experience Disneyland from a — shall we say — alternative angle. Thus, we decided to form a temporary alliance, and we called ourselves TEAM DIVA! (in allcaps with an exclamation mark because that's the way you have to say it out loud).
And to celebrate TEAM DIVA!'s first mission, we decided to re-enact seven of the most complained-about acts one can perform in the entire resort. Thus began Mission 1:
The Seven Deadly Sins of Disneyland!
(Finally, a story starring Queen Grim and the number seven without any of those disgusting little men in it)
Deadly Sin #1: Cutting Someone Else In Line
Deadly Sin #2: Wielding A Stroller Like A Bulldozer
Deadly Sin #3: Throwing Our Trash On The Ground
Deadly Sin #4: Taking Pictures Of Ourselves In Funny Hats Without Paying For Them
Deadly Sin #5: Taking Flash Photography In A Dark Ride
(Bonus points for screaming "Yoho yoho, a pirate's life for me" over and over without knowing the rest of the song)
Deadly Sin #6: Taking A Picture Of Our Ride Photo Without Paying For It
And Deadly Sin #7: Sitting On Someone Else's Shoulders & Blocking The View For Everyone Else Behind Us
After inflicting sufficient amounts of psychological damage on the princesses in the parade + a hard evening full of non-stop sinful behavior, our mission was accomplished! And what better way to have a victory candescence for ourselves than to go to Disneyland Hell and work off some of the time we'd racked up there? And by "work," I mean sit on our diva fannies and chill until we felt like doing something else. And by "chill," I mean burn with the intensity of a thousand white hot suns. See how we glow with our accomplishment?
After breaking out of eternal Disneyland damnation, we decided to stop and check out the new Winter Castle show. Maleficent was not impressed.
After voicing our opinions in a distinct and self-confident way, and after the ensuing riots and mass stampedes had settled down, we were unfortunately asked to leave the park. However, since there were only five minutes left till closing time anyway, WE REGRETTED NOTHING!!! Just another productive day at our favorite park in the world.
And that's all, folks! Thanks for watching!
Special thanks to Madame Momba for her photography skills and her patience with having someone shout repeatedly, "TAKE THE PICTURE, JUST TAKE THE FRICKING PICTURE, OH MY GAWD, IT'S ON RECORD AGAIN, THAT'S IT, EVERYTHING'S RUINED," etc.