RCMC #115: Demon llama!...A llama, he's supposed to be dead!

[penguinsoda]

Meh.

We ended up not going to the movies or anything. I'm hungry but its so hot in here that my only food option of chicken noodle soup just don't sound very appealing.

I'm depressed and hungry and haven't managed to get anything accomplished.


I want to write. I'm trying to do campnanowrimo but I've fallen waaaaay behind on word count. Just another failure to add to my endless list of things I failed to do. I'm such a miserable person. I have few friends because I'm such a miserable person no one wants to be around me plus being broke all the time means never being able to afford to go out with any friends who would be willing to be around me anyways....leading me to more misery. bleh. All i ever do is whine and complain and i can't seem to stop myself.

Ah Blue.....

In everyones life there are things we can control and things we can't. The things that we feel we have no control over are the things that can seem to cause us the most grief. Not having enough money, not being able to do anything about not having enough money, not having enough time, not being able to get done what we know we should do.... so many things that stare us down and intimidate us and make us doubt ourselves....

But while we can't control every aspect of our lives, we can control how we let those things control us. We each do have the power inside of ourselves, if we trust ourself, to take a stand and not let issues and problems grab us and shake us down to our foundation. We can stand up, look them in the eye and flat tell them... you know, I can't change the way some parts of my life have played out, but I sure as heck can not let it define who I am or how I interact with the rest of the world.

One of my favorite books is a book called "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. There was a very dark time of my life, when I was about as far down as a person could possible be emotionally... standing on the edge of a razor blade sure that I was going to slip and slice myself in half... surrounded by dragons waiting to devour me... waiting for the darkness to accept me as one... then I read this book. It became my bible and along with journaling... probably saved my sanity.

One part of the book that I have adopted as my mantra, was something that she said he had on her wall. "Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found." No matter what is thrown at us, over and over again... deep inside of each of us is the core of who we really are, that will survive no matter what. Its that indestructible part you have to reach down and grab and pull to the surface.

Each of us need to "be the mountain." Another part of my mantra I work on each and every day. The mountain is.... it rains on the mountain, the wind blows... animals come and go and people too... but no matter what happens around it... the mountain just... is. No matter what life tosses your way, take the things you can't control and control them. Face down the dragons and face down the fear... because if you face it down it holds no control over you. And each day... each and every moment of every day... you have to stand on top of that mountain and tell yourself that you CAN and you WILL...not matter what your goal of the moment might be.... even if its just to do one thing... one small thing... you CAN and you WILL do that one thing... then the next day you CAN and WILL do one more... and one more... until one by one, you face down each and every one of those dragons and rebuild your life to what you want it to be... as far as you can with what you CAN control.

See, I've thought about nanowrimo before Blue, but that sort of thing feels like there are expectations to meet and something that is written shouldn't be measured by word count. A great story can be less than 100 pages long as long as it has the proper substance. Not everything needs to be a 700 page opus along the lines of the Harry Potter books. It's what you make of it, not what other's expectations are towards your writing.

Like, I have an idea that I'm barely scratching the surface on, a fictional novel about knights of the round table that time travel in order to destroy and ruin evil dictators before they take over the world. I'd call it Knight Time. That sort of story only lives in the parameters of my mind, not what others decide.

Sounds like a great story. I tend to drift toward Sci Fi myself.

[Spy]

Hey Kevin!!


Miss you around here.

hi stacy! I miss you guys too! what's been going on?

[amanda.collishaw]

Gahhh why is life so darn stressful?

[penguinsoda]

Kevin?? Is that really Kevin I see??? Whoa... welcome back! We've missed you!

[Spy]

Ah Blue.....

In everyones life there are things we can control and things we can't. The things that we feel we have no control over are the things that can seem to cause us the most grief. Not having enough money, not being able to do anything about not having enough money, not having enough time, not being able to get done what we know we should do.... so many things that stare us down and intimidate us and make us doubt ourselves....

But while we can't control every aspect of our lives, we can control how we let those things control us. We each do have the power inside of ourselves, if we trust ourself, to take a stand and not let issues and problems grab us and shake us down to our foundation. We can stand up, look them in the eye and flat tell them... you know, I can't change the way some parts of my life have played out, but I sure as heck can not let it define who I am or how I interact with the rest of the world.

One of my favorite books is a book called "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. There was a very dark time of my life, when I was about as far down as a person could possible be emotionally... standing on the edge of a razor blade sure that I was going to slip and slice myself in half... surrounded by dragons waiting to devour me... waiting for the darkness to accept me as one... then I read this book. It became my bible and along with journaling... probably saved my sanity.

One part of the book that I have adopted as my mantra, was something that she said he had on her wall. "Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found." No matter what is thrown at us, over and over again... deep inside of each of us is the core of who we really are, that will survive no matter what. Its that indestructible part you have to reach down and grab and pull to the surface.

Each of us need to "be the mountain." Another part of my mantra I work on each and every day. The mountain is.... it rains on the mountain, the wind blows... animals come and go and people too... but no matter what happens around it... the mountain just... is. No matter what life tosses your way, take the things you can't control and control them. Face down the dragons and face down the fear... because if you face it down it holds no control over you. And each day... each and every moment of every day... you have to stand on top of that mountain and tell yourself that you CAN and you WILL...not matter what your goal of the moment might be.... even if its just to do one thing... one small thing... you CAN and you WILL do that one thing... then the next day you CAN and WILL do one more... and one more... until one by one, you face down each and every one of those dragons and rebuild your life to what you want it to be... as far as you can with what you CAN control.



Sounds like a great story. I tend to drift toward Sci Fi myself.

I really liked this... I think it's probably better than that book in itself. :P Though that is a fantastic quote that I will have to write down somewhere... except the only thing close to me right now is the slip from a fortune cookie and I don't think it's big enough. lol.

Gahhh why is life so darn stressful?

grass is always greener.. I'm on summer break and drowning in the doldrums.

Kevin?? Is that really Kevin I see??? Whoa... welcome back! We've missed you!

yes it is! :P it hasn't been that long, has it?

[amanda.collishaw]

grass is always greener.. I'm on summer break and drowning in the doldrums.

I found out my ex is going to be in town in December 27th and will be home til the end of January and wants to visit my family. For some reason, my mom said yes. So now, after saying I don't want him here and she said "Deal with it." I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do to avoid seeing him. I'm looking at flights to visit my friend in Dallas so I don't even have to be in the same state. So now I have to save up $450 for that. Gahh. I swear the guy is like a roach. You think he's gone then POOF! Just to mock you he shows up again.

[penguinsoda]

I really liked this... I think it's probably better than that book in itself. :P Though that is a fantastic quote that I will have to write down somewhere... except the only thing close to me right now is the slip from a fortune cookie and I don't think it's big enough. lol.

Write small... hey, if they can write a novel on a grain of rice...

grass is always greener.. I'm on summer break and drowning in the doldrums.


yes it is! :P it hasn't been that long, has it?

Yes but once school starts there will be no doldrums!!! Do you have your classes set yet?

And yes it has been a while. I just figured you were out enjoying your summer before starting at UCLA.

I found out my ex is going to be in town in December 27th and will be home til the end of January and wants to visit my family. For some reason, my mom said yes. So now, after saying I don't want him here and she said "Deal with it." I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do to avoid seeing him. I'm looking at flights to visit my friend in Dallas so I don't even have to be in the same state. So now I have to save up $450 for that. Gahh. I swear the guy is like a roach. You think he's gone then POOF! Just to mock you he shows up again.

Good grief Amanda... Here's hoping you manage to find any way possible to avoid him for his visit!!!!

[amanda.collishaw]

You're telling me Pengy lol. He doesn't get the hint. We've been broken up for like, 3 years now. Yet he still pops up. If I can't afford to get to Dallas, maybe I'll just take a Disney trip or something.

[Spy]

I found out my ex is going to be in town in December 27th and will be home til the end of January and wants to visit my family. For some reason, my mom said yes. So now, after saying I don't want him here and she said "Deal with it." I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do to avoid seeing him. I'm looking at flights to visit my friend in Dallas so I don't even have to be in the same state. So now I have to save up $450 for that. Gahh. I swear the guy is like a roach. You think he's gone then POOF! Just to mock you he shows up again.

haha that's weird. why does your family even want to see him, and vice versa?

Write small... hey, if they can write a novel on a grain of rice...

Yes but once school starts there will be no doldrums!!! Do you have your classes set yet?

And yes it has been a while. I just figured you were out enjoying your summer before starting at UCLA.

no way! they can??

yeah, I'm really excited to start! I got my classes about a month ago when I went to orientation. I'm taking Latin, American Writers, and Cities & Social Differences.

yeah I've been trying to get things done this summer! I've been hanging out with high school friends and family a lot. and I've been doing a lot of reading, and I'm trying to finish a novel before break's over. the one thing I HAVEN'T managed to do that I was planning is work on my guitar skills..... of which I have none. lol.

[amanda.collishaw]

haha that's weird. why does your family even want to see him, and vice versa?

We were together for 5 years, he sort of became part of the family. But given the cause for the break up, it really ticks me off that my family still welcomes him into the house like everything's peachy and I'm just nuts. His family life wasn't great so he loves being around my family that is very accepting and loving. They think that because it all happened years ago, I need to get over it and be friends with him. I'm not really one to hold onto petty things, but cheating on someone for at least 2 years with their best friend isn't something I'm going to forgive or forget.

[Spy]

We were together for 5 years, he sort of became part of the family. But given the cause for the break up, it really ticks me off that my family still welcomes him into the house like everything's peachy and I'm just nuts. His family life wasn't great so he loves being around my family that is very accepting and loving. They think that because it all happened years ago, I need to get over it and be friends with him. I'm not really one to hold onto petty things, but cheating on someone for at least 2 years with their best friend isn't something I'm going to forgive or forget.

WHAAAAAAAAT.

whaaaaat

whaaat
whatwha

*incoherent spluttering*

[penguinsoda]

You're telling me Pengy lol. He doesn't get the hint. We've been broken up for like, 3 years now. Yet he still pops up. If I can't afford to get to Dallas, maybe I'll just take a Disney trip or something.

Um... a Disney trip might be a good idea....

haha that's weird. why does your family even want to see him, and vice versa?


no way! they can??

yeah, I'm really excited to start! I got my classes about a month ago when I went to orientation. I'm taking Latin, American Writers, and Cities & Social Differences.

yeah I've been trying to get things done this summer! I've been hanging out with high school friends and family a lot. and I've been doing a lot of reading, and I'm trying to finish a novel before break's over. the one thing I HAVEN'T managed to do that I was planning is work on my guitar skills..... of which I have none. lol.

We'll I've heard something about writing something on a grain of rice....

Spending time with friends and family is important to do right now. You will be making a lot of new friends once you get to UCLA, but you will always have the friends you have now. You might not get to see them as often, but they will always be there.

[amanda.collishaw]

WHAAAAAAAAT.

whaaaaat

whaaat
whatwha

*incoherent spluttering*

Yeah. You tell me where in there I need to play nice. I guess I'm missing it.

[Rex Dopey24]

Hi penguinsoda, how are you?


can warm milk help you go to sleep?

[penguinsoda]

Seems like a good song for the evening....