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  1. #1

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    One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    Rosie has a piggie bank and she has been collecting change all year (she got the piggie for Christmas last year)- and at last count she had around $8.

    The piggie bank sits in my room, that Rose and I share. The key is in my jewelry box.

    Yesterday Rose lost a tooth- and I was "borrowing" a quarter from her piggie (I had no change) for her tooth under her pillow (which I will replace with double)- and I realized that all of her quarters were gone, most of her dimes were gone, as well as her nickels. Pretty much only the pennies were left. On top of that, the "lock" was broken, someone had obviously not known where the key was, and had broken the plastic in the process of stealing her money.

    I went in to talk to Braden and Davis and Ian and they all denied knowledge- but I know, I know in my heart, and for many concrete reasons as well- that Davis took her money.

    He has been in a jealous fit because my mom bought Rose school clothes, he claims Rose is spoiled and he is neglected. He also had a large amount of change that he spent part of at a garage sale, that he claims to have gotten elsewhere. Braden and Ian also know where the key is, and likely would not have needed to break in to get the money. Davis does not know about the key- and so that is yet another thing that points to him. Braden and Ian - this is not their style- but it screams Davis.

    I took the piggie to work with me, and counted the money. Only $3.34 remains, at least $5 gone. Davis insisted it was not him, and said how horrible it would be to take money from Rose...yet, everything points to him...everything. His attitude, his hostility towards her, the money he had recently, and the fact that he lies as easily as he breathes.

    I feel sick-but I am done with being walked all over. I called and left him a message- informing him that he will come clean and he will replace the money (with interest) or I will be reporting the theft to his probation officer, his social worker and anyone else who has outside authority over him.

    How dare anyone be so depraved as to steal the money from a little girls piggie bank- is this how he thinks he will gain trust? This will make me what? Want to run out and spend money on him? I can't even pay my BILLS- I am hardly spending money on Rose and she has been collecting change for 10 months!

    Last night he gave us all this song and dance about how he was going to change his behavior, and start getting it right- now this.....I don't know when he did it, but I have no doubts that he did.

    I don't know what else to do- other than make it clear that I will take him down for stealing- for stealing ANYTHING.......

    I am so angry and sick right now I can barely see straight.......he was grounded for ditching school, but so far he doesn't even try to get it right- the reign of terror and lies continue with him, and frankly I am fed up.

  2. #2

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    Another note- I wish I could find some fitting consequence- something creative that will stick with him- but I am finding that process difficult to say the least- honestly I don't know what the hell I can do anymore-

  3. #3

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    Sorry to hear

    I have major issues w/my son 11 and daughter 7 too!

    I'm at my wits end and feel like everything I do is just a waste of time but I have to keep being positive and keep doing the same daily routines. Then pray that one day it will sink into his head that he can't do these things to his sister!
    ~~~~~~

  4. #4

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    My heart goes out to you, I know your pain all to well!!
    My son was ADHD,so severe that I thought I would go out of my mind.
    we did the meds, yeah they worked, when he decided he would take them. Then we had to take him off them as he said he wanted to kill him self. I was a sngle mom, trying to work, care for him and keep afloat and he would pull everything under the sun. Life was so bad but for 18 years I kept him out of trouble, how I made sure I knew where he was 24 /7 because if I did not he woud get into trouble. when we moved to wyoming he got in trouble 2 times for throwing snow balls, yep in wyoming thats called throwing missiles. so we went to court not once but twice. both times I refused to pay a fine for him and he had to clean bathrooms every day for 21 days at a comunity center.
    You would think he learned, but no he did it a third time and well the judge says, mam'e its only 125.00 to pay the fine, I said sir" why am I going to pay it when I am inocent? no you need to be responsible and make him do comunity service again as I am not going to let him off by paying his fine.
    He washed walls for 1 month at the same center.
    As he got older it got harder. when he was 16 he got hooked up with a woman who had 2 kids and were so screwed up as she was on drugs. I did not know he was going thru her back door and well you know. so for 2 years they both had an afair. what kind of woman would do that with a child? she was 34 years old!!!
    Any way when he was suposed to be out playing basketball he was over there you know what.
    As life moved on I found I had lost out on so much since watching him was a full time job. at 18 I gave him rent money and he and a friend moved in together. I thought he was a friend, what it was was that women!
    Ok, so I washed my hands of it and for 1 year I was free. Rachal and I lived well, I worked and we had peace. Then he came home ( he refused to speak to me for that year) Now he had a new girl friend and a new habbit. She was a hooker and a dope dealer, . we went thru this for 2 years, then he met the one, the one I call hell on earth.
    She was 16, looked 25 and claimed shewas pregnant with his child. The dates did not add up, but my son was happy she wanted him, they moved intogether and had a wonderful baby I saw being born,
    5 weeks later I was to have that boy and raise him and adopt him.
    Now I thought, they will go thre own ways, nope. She beat him, he beat her, jail was always there for both of them. Then they got married. Yep I made them and I will tell you why. I found out the child she was carring could go to her family if they were not married or she could place it else where. This was the second baby, I knew she would abouse it like the first one and so in there third month I paid for the wedding, all the babys needs and such and waited to be a new mom. Yep, you guessed it, she sold everything and left the baby with my son. well he can not wipe his own butt so I had to start over, buy it all and help him because he would not give this child to me. He used me to get what he wanted. If I refused he gave her the baby!, if I agreed I went broke each week.Life was like this for 15 months!!! so now 3 years of her, him and hell on earht with the babies suffering. I would not let her near the first born, she burned him, and he could have cared less for his son either. Both used the second son to attack me and to cause great pain. But one day it all ended. She took off, and for 5 months he had the baby, we took care of the baby so he could run and play. ( he lived with my mom for almost the entire 15 months! Then she came over one day and said she was homeless, could I keep baby one more month. I said yes, no problem but please sign this paper so I can get medical for him. She did, it said I give ***** the baby to care for and get medical for. She signed it and left. when my son came home I asked him, please sign this to. he got mad, stormed out and said no way. Then when he needed money he signed it, but said only for one month. I took him to the lawyer, he signed and left and my lawyer and I went to court and I got custody.
    He and she flew in a rage, ( they did not go to court as no one could find them) they said wait it was only for a month!!! well guerss what, I got him now both of you hit the road!!! I am tired of the baby going to drug houses, sleeping on flooors and you telling me I can have him when I give you money. I have not seen either one for 18 months and god forbid I see them again!
    My life was hell. I was robbed by them,my things pawned, money stolen, babys abused, my life was so sad I just ate my self silly. NOw we have peace, the boys are happy, and what ever happens to those parents is in there own hands. I spent 27 years taking care of my son, he lived with us mostof that time and refused to work, he would rather steal. I love him but I am glad I do not have todeal with him any longer.
    I know what ADHD can do, I know how life is with this child. I did all I could do, went bankrupt doing it and now I need rest.

  5. #5

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    Damn- and you seem to still be sane and happy- maybe there is hope.

    *sigh*

  6. #6

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    Karla I'm glad you are free of your pain and have your two wonderful boys now. You give me so much strength - thank you!

    My cousin sounds exactly like your son What scares me is that my son is so much like my cousin was when he was a young boy. I worry everyday that he'll grow up to make the wrong choices. I know I will do my very best to keep him from harm but once he's old enough he will be able to choose the path he wants.

    Only God knows what is ahead for all of us.... I pray to him daily that I can handle it!
    ~~~~~~

  7. #7

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    There is hope!! just always be on his butt, make him be accountable and life will get better. it seems hopless at times but I am so glad I had my faith. I did what I did for him, now I do what I do for his children. I had to learn to let go, to say son you need to live and do your own thing and become the man God called you to be. If you can not do it here and we have to suffer you need to venture out and do it on your own and we will be praying for ya. I can not longer be accountable for you, because you are a man and I am just a single mom trying to care for many. I had to get a restraining order from my home, my parents home( he robbed them to many times) and frim his kids. I dropped it from his kids, I felt he needed to see them, but alas he never did come even though he knew he could at any time.
    Hold tight, pray and seek strenght thru a good church. Believe me, it does help. I am sad he is gone, but my burdons are lighter since I am not always trying to get my things out of hock, and feeding him, or paying rent for him so he can have a place to live. I just was getting pooere and poorer.

  8. #8

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    my problem was my parents!
    they would say, how can you let him be out there, we will not and they took him in over and over. I would say, let him be accountable, let him go to work!! But no they would give him money to, and would pay his rents, feed him and he would rob us all. He has lived with my parents off an on since he was 20.and his wife lived with them for almost 4 years to! my paretns went broke, bankrupt and yet they would still back him up and he would threaten to kill us all every time he did not get his way. the next day he would be back, say he was sorry and they would let him back again. I was frustrated as I knew that as long as they did this and made me feel guilty I and they would never be free and he would never be a man.
    Yeah he could make babies, but a man works, and feeds his kids!!!
    So to make a long story short, I made him accountable. after I got the last child I told my parents, I will no longer come here until he is gone. You are suffering ( my parents are ill and now broke! ) he abused them and they still kept babying him;
    well that was it, I told them I was gone or he was. MOM came to terms she needed me, ( I care for my mom dad and my nephew)
    So I called the police, had him removed and a restraining order in place. we went to court 3 times, he claimed we stole his children, lied and said he had been working the whole time and had a huge home, and when he was told to produce check stubs, and rent reciepts he disapeared. He tried telling the welfare office his children were being stolen from me, and he could not see them, but I had him on film during the last visit and her to yep, I secretly video'd the whole visit with date and time stamp on it.
    So you see I covered my arse and today I am free from all that crap!
    Now the funny part is they both moved to another town and collected welfare for the baby, funny since they did not have him. well now they are in trouble there to.
    Chin up. Be diligent and not sway. they will test you but my parents were the enablers, I tried to make him accountable and in wyoming I did it. But when we moved home the grand parents would not and refused to let him grow on his own. They wiped his butt and so he never did for him self. I am sure he is doing that now some where.

  9. #9

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    Wow Karla, I really have respect for you. You are such a loving and giving person. Not just this post tells me that, but also another post where you told of what you do for your nephew. You are an amazing woman, and I hope you are proud!

    As an aside, a lot of progress has been made in treating ADHD since your son was a child. My brother has ADHD, and growing up I watched him be on a constant roller coaster of medication. From one hour to the next he would be sedated, wired, normal, and back to sedated. Although he has a staggering IQ, he almost failed high school. He never got into any trouble with the law, but was so socially "retarded" that he had no friends. It was awful.

    Seeing what happened with my brother really made me drag my feet when I started noticing signs of ADHD in my daughter. I finally realized that she needed help, and taking her to the dr. was the best choice I've ever made. The ADHD meds today are totally different from even 15 years ago with my brother! My daughter takes Concerta which works all day, through homework time, but still allows her to sleep well at night. Its been a godsend. Thankfully she's an A+ student and has never been in trouble at school. Much of her success is due to the way Concerta works.

    BTW, my brother started self-medicating for the ADHD, thankfully not with hard drugs, but with tea (caffeine helps him a lot)! He's made a complete turn around, spent 4 years in the Army where he was a star on the color guard, and is now a chef! I'm so proud of him!

    Nephy - I'm so sorry for all the rough times you're going through. I PM'ed you some advice on this topic, and that still stands. Please feel free to e-mail me if you'd like to discuss it more.

  10. #10

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    You should understand- I am not trying to protect him. I think the BEST thing that could happen would be readmittance to the residential treatment center he was at for 10 months. I see two options there-#1- they let him back in at my request, the trouble is that the county pays for it. Right now he has shown a great deal of disregard for the consequences or for the things he learned, so I doubt they will be gung ho to pay for it again. #2- he goes to youth corrections- they do a 45 day assessment and then most likely (according to his therapist at the center) would send him to residential treatment anyway, and court order the county to pay for it. Then he would likely live there for anywhere from a few months to 2 years.

    Right now the only thing that will make this even bearable is an honest confession, a return of any money he has not spent, and a guarantee of repayment as soon as possible. As well as a policy of honesty from here on, and a total end to all theft.

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    Hyperbole!! you are awsome!!!
    Yep I know the meds today are way better, my son refused to take any so we were alays fighting a losing battle. I put him on ritilin, he did so well, but then decided to sell it instead. I did what I could,made him accountable as long as I could and truly love that boy. I know if my parents would have left it to me he would have been made to work, and to grow up in a different way. they used guilt on me, " if you loved him you would understand and you would help him.so I would get him another apartment,then he would get kicked out and be back to moms. Then if you loved him you would get him another place, yep I furnished so many places I got tired. Yet my own place was missing furniture. I made sure he and his ex had all they needed, but when she went to jail or he did they got rid of it all. then back on moms door step. they never lived on there own for more then 6 months when mom and dad took them back in. I did not. I did not think I could do it and be able to look at them.Yet every day I had to go to work and see them and clean after them and do there dishes, and laundry. yep mom said" if you love them do it! I did it and I was angry, angry as my parents made me do these things because " If I loved them like the Lord said to I must bend!
    well I bent so low I got belly sores. I suffered so badly that thos e two thought it was funny.l She would lear at me, make snide remarks and if I said anything mom would ask me to leave. After all I had to keep peace for her sanity to. well I swallowed for 4 years, so hard did iswallow my throat almost burst. I was sick, I got diebetes, high blood pressure, fat, angry, desperate and lonely. My baby boy had to go back andforth thru them, and he had it bad. Now my moms says, thank god you where stronger then dad and me. That you did what you did so we can be free. She morns for him, but she is at peace now and so is dad.
    27 years of hell and I am free, now I pray his boys can grow in peace. I know both are hyper, I see that trait in them and pray about it a lot. the three year old runs in circles, and is constantly moving or wanting to hit his brother even when he is watching tv. I will deal with it, but again I can deal with it nd not have family interfere.
    Life is good again!!!!

  12. #12

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    Quote Originally Posted by Nephythys
    You should understand- I am not trying to protect him. I think the BEST thing that could happen would be readmittance to the residential treatment center he was at for 10 months. I see two options there-#1- they let him back in at my request, the trouble is that the county pays for it. Right now he has shown a great deal of disregard for the consequences or for the things he learned, so I doubt they will be gung ho to pay for it again. #2- he goes to youth corrections- they do a 45 day assessment and then most likely (according to his therapist at the center) would send him to residential treatment anyway, and court order the county to pay for it. Then he would likely live there for anywhere from a few months to 2 years.

    Right now the only thing that will make this even bearable is an honest confession, a return of any money he has not spent, and a guarantee of repayment as soon as possible.
    my son went to a treatment center, 2 times, once for 2 months and once for 3 days. He learned 2 things, to be better at minipulating from the other boys, and how to pick locks. I know its hard, I know what pain you are going thru. Is he ADHD?
    I am sorry you are going thru this. I feel your pain and I will be praying for you. I am sad you are having such a hard time. wish I was close so I could help but know my prayers are with you!

  13. #13

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    Quote Originally Posted by hakuna makarla
    my son went to a treatment center, 2 times, once for 2 months and once for 3 days. He learned 2 things, to be better at minipulating from the other boys, and how to pick locks. I know its hard, I know what pain you are going thru. Is he ADHD?
    I am sorry you are going thru this. I feel your pain and I will be praying for you. I am sad you are having such a hard time. wish I was close so I could help but know my prayers are with you!

    No, he is not ADHD- he has PTSD with childhood onset, along with oppositional disorder.

    He was there for 10 months- a long time for them to get to know him. But they are legion compared to me- I am just me, and that is one of the biggest problems. They had paid staff who could watch him 24/7 and enforce consequences with ease- I can not.

    he did spend 45 days at another place- did NO good at all.....I have hope for the other place. I think he came home too soon- we all rushed it because school was starting, and we never should have let him come home then. Plus the county pulled all support services- NO after care at all and they knew I could not pay for it- NOW we are in crisis and they say "why wasn't something put in for after care" Doh! Because YOU said you would not provide it!!

    I thought- for a moment- that he was sincere in his change. Then this- I suspect he is "afraid" of the consequences so he is lying about it- but the reality is what it is- and if he can't correct it (and he does know how, but may choose not to) then his probation officer will just have one more thing to take him to court for.

  14. #14

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    Quote Originally Posted by Nephythys
    Plus the county pulled all support services- NO after care at all and they knew I could not pay for it- NOW we are in crisis and they say "why wasn't something put in for after care" Doh! Because YOU said you would not provide it!!
    I hear this soooooooo much from my mom (who was a psych nurse until 4 months ago). The county looks at their bottom line rather than the welfare of the kids. Its so frustrating, not only to the parents, but to the caregivers as well. My mom actually left psych nursing because of these problems. She couldn't stand to see kids who had made great progress revert to old problems because of lack of after care.

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    Re: One more drama- I feel sick and don't know what to do-

    Quote Originally Posted by a_hyperbole
    I hear this soooooooo much from my mom (who was a psych nurse until 4 months ago). The county looks at their bottom line rather than the welfare of the kids. Its so frustrating, not only to the parents, but to the caregivers as well. My mom actually left psych nursing because of these problems. She couldn't stand to see kids who had made great progress revert to old problems because of lack of after care.

    Oh this was priceless- he was getting discharged and the county tells me to start looking at what my insurance will cover. Ummm, sure...so I make the calls and everywhere they recommend for family therapy to help him fit back in and to help us have him back, won't take my insurance. So at a meeting with the probation officer and the social worker- I ask about this- and the social worker says they won't pay for it, someone else has to do it. So the probation officer sets up an individual therapist but that was not set up until a month after he got home-

    Meanwhile all hell starts to break loose- and then the social workers supervisor comes in and says "why weren't services provided?"- because your underling cared more for money than making sure this kid had support when he came home! He went from a lot of structure to almost none- my life, with 4 kids, is NOT very structured- as much as I would like it to be....

    so here we are- Davis could care less about the therapist he has, and he doesn't call anyone else for support either......they keep dancing around providing some sort of therapy and help for the family- but they won't commit to anything!

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