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  1. #1

    • Minion
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    Relationship Advice needed!

    Hello all!

    Well, without any warning, my boyfriend broke up with me on Wednesday. We didn't have any communication until Friday night when I asked him to talk to me. It took until last night for him to respond and agree to it.

    I pretty much have him convinced that we can make this work (there really are no problems, he is just depressed and grabbing at straws) but he is standing on his rule he holds dear, "No second chances". I tried calling it a continuation of what he had with respect for the past and betterment in the future, but he wasn't too thrilled about it still.

    I know he cares for me still simply by his actions around me last night and he told me. the only thing holding him back is that he has tried again in past relationships and according to him, "things only got worse". He has readily admitted i am nothing like any of his past girlfriends and believed up until 2 days before he broke up with me that what we had was special.

    Tonight he is going to bring me my stuff from his apartment. Should I bring up our discussion and try again, or what? How do you think I should go about this?


  2. #2

    • Mrs. J. Depp
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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    Aw man I just came off a break up so I am feeling your pain. I have to agree though, pushing at it right now might only make it worse instead of better. What I suggest you do, since I believe you are a strong woman, is to just give this "second chance" stuff a rest. Take a break from seeing or talking to one another. It sounds like he has some things he needs to work through. Time usually heals and will make the heart fonder. If this is meant for a second chance, you two will find your way back to one another in time. Hang in there!


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  3. #3

    • rainy day girl
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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    Listen to what he says. If he says he wants to break up, he means he wants to break up. There's no way to make a relationship work if one person isn't fully invested in it. Men rarely say they don't want to be in a relationship if they really do want to be in one. I'm pretty sure he means it when he says he cares for you, but I care for a lot of my exes and don't want to be in relationships with any of them.

    Listen to his words and accept them. You owe it to yourself to move on, and don't settle for someone who isn't fully invested in you.
    Looking for the truth about giraffes? http://www.menacinggiraffes.blogspot.com/

  4. #4

    • Circle of Ancients
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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    I agree with sunnygirl. Guys very rarely mince words when it comes to things like this, and she is right ... if both people aren't fully invested in the relationship it's not going to work.

    Saying "I care about you" and "I care about you so much that I want to be WITH you" are two totally separate things.


  5. #5

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    • Skeevy Ray Vaughan
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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    If he is willing to break up with you now he'll do it again. While it hurts, do you really want this to happen again when you are fully invested in him completely? (Home, cars, kids etc.)

    If he's ready he'll come back, if he feels forced you are 100% doomed.

  6. #6

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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    I am so sorry.

    I have a friend who had this just happen to him. After five years of a (by all appearances) great relationship, his ex broke it off from one day to the next!! He is reeling! And he had just bought their APs the day before :0(

    I agree with all the advice above. You have to move on. Live in the now. The odds of this relationship rekindling are very low. Try to be happy for what you have learned and experienced from this relationship and remember that your BIG LOVE is still out there!!

  7. #7

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    • Kerplookee
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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    Quote Originally Posted by krystledm View Post
    Hello all!

    Well, without any warning, my boyfriend broke up with me on Wednesday. We didn't have any communication until Friday night when I asked him to talk to me. It took until last night for him to respond and agree to it.

    I pretty much have him convinced that we can make this work (there really are no problems, he is just depressed and grabbing at straws) but he is standing on his rule he holds dear, "No second chances". I tried calling it a continuation of what he had with respect for the past and betterment in the future, but he wasn't too thrilled about it still.

    I know he cares for me still simply by his actions around me last night and he told me. the only thing holding him back is that he has tried again in past relationships and according to him, "things only got worse". He has readily admitted i am nothing like any of his past girlfriends and believed up until 2 days before he broke up with me that what we had was special.

    Tonight he is going to bring me my stuff from his apartment. Should I bring up our discussion and try again, or what? How do you think I should go about this?
    Maybe its a cry for help and you can help this guy? Don't give up on him so fast. With open communication you two can solve anything.

    some things are worth fighting for. best of luck!
    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpee View Post
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  8. #8

    • Random Cupcake Thief
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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    Quote Originally Posted by krystledm View Post

    Tonight he is going to bring me my stuff from his apartment.
    It must be difficult right now. Did he bring your stuff back? How did everything go? I don't know you but I hope you are okay because these things can be devastating.

    From my own experience, when he brings you your stuff back, that's it. I don't want to be a downer but it happened to me, I fought and I ended up hurt again. Now that I look back on it, I wasted my time and thoughts on him when I should have been taking of myself.

    But...maybe we will read better news from you. Either way, I hope you are okay.
    I suffer from infantile thoughts of grandiosity




  9. #9

    • Waiting for my E-Ticket
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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    At least he had the decency to tell you he wanted to break up. With one of my ex's that "conversation" didn't come until after I caught him kissing my ex-roommate.

  10. #10

    • Random Cupcake Thief
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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    Quote Originally Posted by aimster View Post
    At least he had the decency to tell you he wanted to break up. With one of my ex's that "conversation" didn't come until after I caught him kissing my ex-roommate.
    Ouch!
    I suffer from infantile thoughts of grandiosity




  11. #11

    • Minion
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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    Ok, since you asked I'll fill in.

    He did bring my stuff over, and asked me to go get dinner with him, saying quickly, "It's not a date!". So I went. And it was great for the first half, then it got akward and weird. He was acting just like we were still together minus the touching part. I mean flirting, giving me the side glances, everything. I got home and talked to my mom and decided to go over and talk to him. I had an in because he kept some of out more personal things and I wanted to make sure they were never used again, you know.

    I got there and he was solemn again, (mood swings, hello!) and At first it was another attempt to get him back then half way though talking to him it clicked. I did nothing wrong to this poor boy standing before me, he is just sad lost and alone. He hates himself and as a result can't let himself be loved.

    I told him this, and I told him how amazing he actually was and complimented him and told him he needs to learn to accept praise, especially when it's the truth. I asked him to not date until he loved himself because what he did to me was unfair and I would hate to know he did it to another girl too. We hugged, I told him that is he ever learned to love himself, call me, I'm not going to wait for him, but I will always care, he is my first love and first real relationship, you know I will always love him, which sucks, but eh, he's a good guy.

    When I got home, my mom and I discussed it and we both think, from knowing his family history and intimate details that he has been in some very bad situations in the past and they are surfacing now.

    I'm here for him, but I'm not going to chase him anymore. He needs to learn to be happy alone or he will always hop from one relationship to another never actually being happy.

    I'm now floating between missing him and depressed, but thanks to xanax, I will make it though.

    thank You for your thoughts on the matter.


  12. #12

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    • Skeevy Ray Vaughan
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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    Painful stuff Krystal. Thanks for giving us an update, you handled it very well.

  13. #13

    • rainy day girl
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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    Krystle, sounds to me like you did the right thing - for both him and you.
    Looking for the truth about giraffes? http://www.menacinggiraffes.blogspot.com/

  14. #14

    • Waiting for my E-Ticket
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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    Just go easy on the Xanax.

  15. #15

    • Hello there
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    Re: Relationship Advice needed!

    I am glad it clicked for you and you found closure to your relationship with him.
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