As I was marking important dates on the new calendar I realized, Im going to be 37 next month. My son will be 16 in April. Oh my gawd, where did the time go?
While I know that in todays time, 37 is not old, I still had an momentary break down. I always figured by this time in life I would have a few kids, a husband, a home that I own. I am so far from that.
I have 1 child who is everything to me but is growing up. After 3 miscarriages with no explainations why I have given up on having anymore. Couldnt afford the tests to find out more if I wanted to. I have a wonderful boyfriend but we are still renting a hole in the wall.
Im thankful for what I do have in my life. I do know there are those who have way less. I have a child, a job, food, clothes and place to live. I have a my sisters close by and a man who loves me.
Now, how do I learn to really appreciate all that and let go of the things I did not get? The more children, the home? And most importantly, how do I begin to prepare for when my son leaves? For years it was just him and I, we are close still, but in just a few short years he'll be ready to go out on his own. The thought of it freaks me out. Can you have "empty nest syndrome" before it even happens? I know its a parents job to teach a child so they can move on to live their own lives but how do you let go?
Does anyone else think about all this? How did/do you deal with it? Am I weird that Im stressing about all this now? Sometimes I think maybe I need a shrink. Who knows. Any suggestions out there?