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Thread: Getting Older

  1. #1

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    Getting Older

    As I was marking important dates on the new calendar I realized, Im going to be 37 next month. My son will be 16 in April. Oh my gawd, where did the time go?

    While I know that in todays time, 37 is not old, I still had an momentary break down. I always figured by this time in life I would have a few kids, a husband, a home that I own. I am so far from that.

    I have 1 child who is everything to me but is growing up. After 3 miscarriages with no explainations why I have given up on having anymore. Couldnt afford the tests to find out more if I wanted to. I have a wonderful boyfriend but we are still renting a hole in the wall.

    Im thankful for what I do have in my life. I do know there are those who have way less. I have a child, a job, food, clothes and place to live. I have a my sisters close by and a man who loves me.

    Now, how do I learn to really appreciate all that and let go of the things I did not get? The more children, the home? And most importantly, how do I begin to prepare for when my son leaves? For years it was just him and I, we are close still, but in just a few short years he'll be ready to go out on his own. The thought of it freaks me out. Can you have "empty nest syndrome" before it even happens? I know its a parents job to teach a child so they can move on to live their own lives but how do you let go?

    Does anyone else think about all this? How did/do you deal with it? Am I weird that Im stressing about all this now? Sometimes I think maybe I need a shrink. Who knows. Any suggestions out there?
    Mellymouse




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  2. #2

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    Re: Getting Older

    I'm going to be 32 this year but I feel alot older sometimes. Funny thing is most people think I'm still in my early-mid 20's when they meet me. Heh!

  3. #3

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    Re: Getting Older

    Melly,
    Your right to count your blessings, but it's also OK to be a bit aprehensive about what the future holds...

    as far as wondering if it's normal to think/stress about this when your kid's 15....I'd say yes, my kids are 6 & 11 and that worries me already...
    your a mom sweetie,your job is to prepare your child for his future, but your allowed to worry too.

    as far as your dreams, well it seems to me that you got them.

    You have a wonderful man who loves you and you love.
    You have a great child that you have an amazing relationship with.
    You have a home (Ok so it's not your dream house, but it's a home)

    and you are aware of your blessings, in my opinion that is the best blessing of all.



    your a very lucky blessed woman.
    procrastibating

  4. #4

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    Re: Getting Older

    I completely agree with everything TB said.
    I've been going thru this, my son just left to go back to college tonight and I cry every time he leaves.
    You have to think of the good things: I'm proud that my son is very independent (even though I want him to need me), I'm happy that he is happy, well adjusted, has lots of friends and is creating his own future. Everything I ever wished for him.
    Now, I'm having to rediscover my life and my self. One thing to remind yourself, you're not to old to do anything. If you want more kids and cant' do it naturally, adopt. If one's enough start focusing on how your relationship changes - I spend alot of time planning family vacations. I took up hobbies I didn't have time for before.
    It's not easy, things change. I love my son, I love that our relationship is changing. I'll always be his Mom, but I can see where we get much more of a chance to be friends.

    If you need to talk, let me know! I certainly can understand what you're going thru!

  5. #5

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    Re: Getting Older

    It never stops you worry you wonder what if ??? I know my daughters are 25 and 19 ( this one is married with a son whos 15 months) They are both wonderful independent women , but they are still my babies. If I dont hear from them or if the other has talked to the other one daily I worry. Yep and empty nest syndrome is always abound. When they come home for a visit or after I had my grandson while my daughter was on her honeymoon and all or one of them leaves I fall apart. My thankful spot is that I have raised good healthy children and have a close relationship with them. But dangit I miss them and want them to come home soon . I want my grandson back to visit 10 minutes after he leaves.
    Myself hmmm... tough one I try to keep busy gardenning , remodling projects for the house work wonders, making little things for the baby is great its my little way of giving him some of me.

  6. #6

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    Re: Getting Older

    Quote Originally Posted by MellyMouse
    As I was marking important dates on the new calendar I realized, Im going to be 37 next month. My son will be 16 in April. Oh my gawd, where did the time go?

    Hey, 37 is young! And don't worry so much about getting older. I was kind of freaked when I turned 40 a few years ago, but I got over it quickly and now really enjoy being in my 40's. I feel so much calmer about a lot of things that used to really stress me out because I realize now that things almost always turn out just fine!
    While I know that in todays time, 37 is not old, I still had an momentary break down. I always figured by this time in life I would have a few kids, a husband, a home that I own. I am so far from that.


    A lot can change in the blink of an eye. For all you know, by this time next year you could be married , own a home , and have another child on the way. My hubby and I got married and had twins all in less than one year when we were 24. We didn't expect that at all. And even though at age 27, my husband was unemployed for most of my pregnancy with our son , he got a great job three days before our son was born, his employer paid all the medical bills and a year later we owned our first home. I always tell people "Don't be afraid to ask God for what you want because you might just get it, or you might get something better that you never even imagined!"


    I have 1 child who is everything to me but is growing up. After 3 miscarriages with no explainations why I have given up on having anymore. Couldnt afford the tests to find out more if I wanted to. I have a wonderful boyfriend but we are still renting a hole in the wall.

    That is really sad about the miscarriages. I am so sorry. But you still never know. Maybe you could get pregnant when you least expect it. Or maybe you are meant to be an adoptive mother some day. Also, you will likely being a grandparent some day and those children will be as special to you as your own child. As far as the hole in the wall, I know you live in an expensive area so maybe it's time to consider looking for jobs in a more affordable area where your chances of owning a home might be better. And recycle cans and bottles and use the money to buy lotto tickets...that's what I always do in the hopes of winning some money to help pay for my kids' college educations!
    Im thankful for what I do have in my life. I do know there are those who have way less. I have a child, a job, food, clothes and place to live. I have a my sisters close by and a man who loves me.

    You can always find people who are doing worse than you and people who are doing better than you. It doesn't make how you are feeling any less valid. Just remember , the bleak feeling is temporary. Sometimes it takes feeling this way to get you motivated to after what you really want!

    Now, how do I learn to really appreciate all that and let go of the things I did not get?



    By reminding yourself that life is short and our days are numbered ...live each day like it's your last .

    And most importantly, how do I
    begin to prepare for when my son leaves?

    That I can't answer. I have two daughters who are going off to college next fall and I am going to miss them like crazy. But they will only be a phone call away and they'll be somewhere in CA so I know I'll be able to drive to see them if I can't stand it!

    For years it was just him and I, we are close still, but in just a few short years he'll be ready to go out on his own. The thought of it freaks me out. Can you have "empty nest syndrome" before it even happens?


    I'm sure you can. I remember getting teary eyes a lot when I thought about my wedding day, but when it actually came I was totally calm and then really giggly! We never know exactly how we're going to respond to things until they actually happen. But I'm sure there will lots of other moms in the same position as you who you can talk to and will understand how you're feeling.

    I know its a parents job to teach a child so they can move on to live their own lives but how do you let go?



    In gradual steps.


    Does anyone else think about all this? How did/do you deal with it?

    Yes. My daughters started driving at 16 and sometimes I just have to not think about them being on the road as young, inexperienced drivers or I would go crazy with worry. But I honestly belive that God has a great plan for their lives and that they are ultimately His not mine so I just have to trust that He knows what He's doing with them.

    Am I weird that Im stressing about all this now? Sometimes I think maybe I need a shrink. Who knows. Any suggestions out there?


    Nah! You're not weird and you proably don't need a shrink...just some reassurance from other people in the same boat or who have already gone through this. But if you think talking to a professional would help, it's never a bad idea! Hope this helps some!

  7. #7

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    Re: Getting Older

    Quote Originally Posted by Princess Buttercup
    [/B]Nah! You're not weird and you proably don't need a shrink...just some reassurance from other people in the same boat or who have already gone through this. But if you think talking to a professional would help, it's never a bad idea! Hope this helps some!
    I liked that...how about the thought of having more kids at 35-36 does that kind of scare you?

  8. #8

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    Re: Getting Older

    Quote Originally Posted by Disney4Me
    I liked that...how about the thought of having more kids at 35-36 does that kind of scare you?
    Well I'm 40 and contemplating it - scary, but also a very happy thought!

  9. #9

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    Re: Getting Older

    Quote Originally Posted by MTNGIRL
    Well I'm 40 and contemplating it - scary, but also a very happy thought!
    My ex DH was 40 when we had DS. I was just contemplating the possibility of it too.

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    Re: Getting Older

    I can't relate to your situation right now, but I will say if you have a heart to raise a child- please adopt! There are so many children of all ages who are all alone in the world and would love to have a home and a mother to care for them. Even become a foster parent, as doing this gets you financial support from the state.

    In our society, age is not really all that important anymore, there are still many doors open to you and you have plenty of time to accomplish what you want to. If you are truly unhappy, then examine what you don't like about your life. Then you have to be realistic and look at what you can control and what you can't. If you work on improving the things you can control, then you will be able to find peace with the things you can't.

    Good luck and Happy birthday!
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  11. #11

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    Re: Getting Older

    This sounds very familiar. A few months ago I was going through a old military footlocker that I keep all my keepsakes in and found my old Jostens High School memory book. One page of it asked where I saw myself in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, etc. At 20 years I said that I would be married, have kids, nice car, good job, and have my own house.

    My 20 year reunion is next year and I haven't accomplished one of these. I have tried to get a place of my own but my credit isn't good enough. I have a good job, but it doesn't pay what I want it to, but in the bay area those are impossible to find. I have a good car, but its a 87 and past its prime. I have been engaged twice but the first turned out to be a joke and the second I caught cheating on me. As for kids I have to borrow my neice and nephews to get my fix.

    Do I feel sad? At times yes. I'm going to be 37 this year...3 years from 40...But all in all, I think I have it pretty good. My brother is 27, has a place, has been married 8 years, has 3 kids, a new car, and is COMPLETLY MISERABLE!!!! The grass is always greener on the other side I guess.

    We have to remember that this is a different age than what our parents and grandparents grew up in. Things are alot harder for us. Up here in the bay area we have seen people go from riches to rags once the dot com burst. I'm sure its the same no matter where you go though. My personal feelings are that if you have friends and family who watch out for you and care for you, you have a roof over your head, and food on the table.. you're doing good. The rest of the stuff is just icing on the cake. Having a good therapist helps though.

  12. #12

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    Re: Getting Older

    Quote Originally Posted by Disney4Me
    My ex DH was 40 when we had DS. I was just contemplating the possibility of it too.
    Hey....40 is the new 30!


    I personally wouldn't want to be having any more kids now...I don't think I'd have the energy for it. But that's because I've already spent all my energy doing it. I have plenty of friends who just started having kids in their late 30's and early 40's ....I think it was the right decision for them and I think having my kids young was the right decision for me. Isn't it great that we live in a country where as women we can choose not only when , but how many?!

  13. #13

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    Re: Getting Older

    I neither have the energy for more kids nor would it be right at 50 , but when I see my grandson wow I feel 25 again. I was really concerned when my daughter went on her honeymoon and I was going to have him for a week all sorts of thing ran through my mind , basically was I up to caring for a baby 24/7 for a week? That week flew by and I wish she would go on vacation again soon so I can have him again.

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    Re: Getting Older

    I'm still trying to come to grips with the fact that I'm turning 20 this year.
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    Re: Getting Older

    my previous boss was in her early 40s and had given up the thought of having children after many miscarriages. she did have all sorts of tests and it was determined she was not able to have any. then one day she started feeling ill, thought it was the flu but when it didnt go away she went to the dr and was pregnant, the hormonal fluctuations of early menopause made her more fertile and she quit and is now a fulll time mom, so you never know!
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