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  1. #1

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    Help, I feel like being a butthead

    Okay, here's the dilemma. Normally, I'm pretty easy going and willing to go with the flow just to keep the peace. But I am mad about something that happened at my church and I feel like being a jerk even though I know I shouldn't.

    I am on the church council and there is a lady who ALWAYS gets everything she asks for no matter what. We have a benevolent fund for people in need and usually we use it to help people in our church , but sometimes we help people outside our church too.

    A few months ago, I asked if we could send some money ($500) to my brother and his family to help them out because they lost a lot of things in their home to Hurricane Katrina. My request was denied. Now this lady is asking for money for someone she knows to put first , last and security deposit on an apartment she wants to rent.( ($1500) Had the council said yes to my request , I would probably vote yes on this. But because they said no, I am voting no. It just feels too much like this lady gets whatever she wants all the time.


    I feel like a little kid for feeling this way , but it makes me mad.

    Any advice?

  2. #2

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead

    Pray about it first and then see where God is leading you to. Now that being said I know how you feel. There are 2 women at my church who get to do anything they want ( I personally think they have pictures of our church board or something). They never go through the proper channels just show up and get their way. A new bible study started for us who are church drones(always working or watching kids for others to attend Bible studies). One fo the two is in it. She just took over our CC ministry and has no people skills. I just sent in my resignation letter because I have different ideas where the children's ministry should be going ( she hasn't come out of the 70's). Now she is in this bible study with me. I can't stand the woman and I really don't want to spend my time with her. Last sunday her daughter wouldn't come into my SS class. I was ok the girl has seperation issues. So her mother tells me if you were here on New Years she wouldn't be like this. I told her I was there. She tells me no you weren't and walks away. I was there and none of my kids showed so I put up a new bullentin board. I can't get [paroled out of pre-school. Sorry for the rant. Just to let you know you aren't the only out there.

  3. #3

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead

    Thanks wfoxx. I figured people who go to church would know what I'm talking about...there's poltics everywhere. I really like this gal at my church , but I just think she always gets what she wants because she was one of the people who founded the church 20 years ago and she and her husband are best buddies with the pastor and his wife. I wouldn't mind so much if other people got what they wanted just as often. I sent an e-mail to our council chair expressing how I feel, but I also felt like a 2 year old by doing so.

    Sorry about what happened to you at your church too.

  4. #4

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead

    Sometimes my church feels like family ( the good, the bad and the ugly). There are some people I really like and some are like the relatives you wish would go away. There's a faimly at our church who won't stop having kids. They have 7. Dad is disable and can't work. Mom has heart problems. They have 4 ranging from 17-13, a 5 year old, 3year old and a baby less than 2. Every pot luck or free event with food they are there. They are the first in line and are on seconds while everyone is still getting their first and have no trouble cuting in line. No they are not starving they get aid from the state and from us and the salvation army. The kids are all homeschooled. I just wonder sometimes why am I there?

  5. #5

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead

    Quote Originally Posted by WFoxx
    I just wonder sometimes why am I there?
    Wow! It's an awful feeling isn't it? I don't like thinking bad thoughts about people but it's hard not to notice certain things and sometimes my emotions just get the better of me.

    I love my church family and like I said I really do like this woman. I think I am just mostly mad because the church wouldn't give any money to my brother's family. But they did give money to a church of the same denomination down south that was helping lots of Katrina families.

    I do want to help this lady's friend and our church certainly has enough money in the benevolent fund so I will probably end up voting yes. But I will be watching closely to see what else gets voted yes on and voted no on in the next few months.
    Last edited by Princess Buttercup; 01-11-2006 at 09:35 PM.

  6. #6

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead

    Rent?

    Buttercup, don't feel like a jerk for this. I mean, sure, it's tough to pay off for having a roof over your head...but your family went through Hurricane Katrina! That's a mile of a difference, I'd think! (Obviously I don't know the specifics of everything in this case, but from what you've said, this is what I've inferred). Good grief, people in New Orleans ended up with basically nothing! Sure, your church donated already, but it's not like the problem has gone away.

    Way different. Don't feel bad.

    As for the woman in question, the best thing you can do is take things in strides. There's always some form of manipulation going on within a community...you have to try your best to be the better person, while at the same time, put your foot down when things go too far. Selfishness should not be encouraged, and unfortunately, in tighly-knit communities, it is in a select few individuals, and they become prima donnas. You have to be strong when it goes too far...and take action.

  7. #7

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead

    That would be one of the reasons why I stopped going to my parents church.
    good uck. I say still vote no, but I can be mean like that!
    Good morning, son
    In twenty years from now
    Maybe we'll both sit down and have a few beers
    And I can tell you 'bout today
    And how I picked you up and everything changed
    It was pain
    Sunny days and rain
    I knew you'd feel the same things...





  8. #8

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead



    nooooo not that butthead feeling!!!
    ok, I had to do this, not sure why but you know I get weird!
    ok, I know how you feel about people getting there own way. we have been on the list for services for my nephew for like 15 years. while some folks get right in ,we never do .one guy had the state build a deck onto his house, and he got a wheel chair van to boot. we only asked for a chair lift. ok, so why does the guy get all that stuff and we never even made it to the top of the list? minipulation, some folks are good at it. I am sorry the woman got what you needed but like wfoxx said, pray about it, and see where god will lead you, and the pastor. It never fails that some one else beats me to the punch, but again, if I prayed about it first maybe they would not have. Now I am learning to pray first before stepping out the door
    did you find out why the woman needed an apartment, was she homeless, or had children and needed a place to stay?
    Sorry for your saddness, and you a butthead ?? never!!

  9. #9

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead

    I would vote no, but everyone knows I'm a butthead...LOL

  10. #10

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead

    Thanks for making me laugh gals. The lady this woman wants to help is someone who has been drug addicted for years and has been clean and sober now for 6 months. I would like to help her, but I also think if we do we need to give the money directly to the landlord or agency just to be safe. My brother has never been drunk or done drugs, he pays cash for everything and he has served this country as an officer in the Air Force both in the Gulf War anbd the war in Iraq. It was very humbling for him to ask for help. I really think he deserved help just as much as this woman. We should help all or we should help none. I am really hoping this was just a big mis-understanding and not nepotism.

  11. #11

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead

    Be the bigger person and vote yes. Your brother should have received the money, no doubt. This person also deserves money. Don't hold it against the individual in need, because of some rude church lady. You know what's right in your heart.

    I think it's a great idea to suggest it goes directly to the landlord!

  12. #12

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead

    Quote Originally Posted by evil mommie
    Be the bigger person and vote yes. Your brother should have received the money, no doubt. This person also deserves money. Don't hold it against the individual in need, because of some rude church lady. You know what's right in your heart.

    Hey, you're not an "evil" Evil Mommie after all!

    Your advice is right on that I need to vote yes.

    I spoke to the gal who originally passed on my request for financial help for my brother and she said that she knows for sure that she told at least two people , but they both said they didn't get that info. One said , if he'd known he would have liked to help. I told him "Well you still can." It was still bugging me today so I called the gal whose friend they're helping (she really is nice and not rude at all, I just think she gets whatever she wants when she asks because she is one of the founders of the church) and she said she didn't know anything about the request either . She said if I bring it up at the next meeting she will fully support it and that she thinks I should ask for $1000 not just $500 since the benevolent fund has plenty of money it. So this may all work out even better than I hoped!


    Of course , now I also feel bad for initially feeling like acting like a butthead over a misunderstanding!

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead


  14. #14

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead

    Quote Originally Posted by Princess Buttercup
    Thanks wfoxx. I figured people who go to church would know what I'm talking about...there's poltics everywhere. I really like this gal at my church , but I just think she always gets what she wants because she was one of the people who founded the church 20 years ago and she and her husband are best buddies with the pastor and his wife. I wouldn't mind so much if other people got what they wanted just as often. I sent an e-mail to our council chair expressing how I feel, but I also felt like a 2 year old by doing so.

    Sorry about what happened to you at your church too.
    I wouldn't be ashamed. You deserve the right to express your opinion. That is what you should do. I think it is quite healthy.

  15. #15

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    Re: Help, I feel like being a butthead

    I like the way you are starting to head for the high road. Charitable funds are not meant to be hoarded.

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