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  1. #1

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    What do you think?

    I have a friend who has almost 4 year old triplets -- 2 boys and a girl. The thread about the boy wearing the Cinderella dress made me bring this up. Anyway, one of her boys is always wanting to wear his sister's clothes. He says he wants to be a girl, pink is his favorite color, etc. He is her most challenging of the three, constantly testing her, pitching fits, getting into things he shouldn't -- an all around strong willed kid. She has put her foot down on him wearing the clothes when her husband is home or if they are going out. She plans on bringing it up to their pediatrician when they go for their next appt because this has been going on for several months. My opinion is that he shouldn't be allowed to wear the clothes because they aren't his; the fact that they are girl clothes I don't see an issue with. Being a multiple, they have to share alot; they shouldn't have to share clothes. What do you think?

  2. #2

    • Original Mice-Chatter
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    Re: What do you think?

    I think both mom and dad need to set some serious boundaries- I know this was a huge thing for my kids.

  3. #3

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    Re: What do you think?

    How is the boy's relationship with his brother? Growing up with a parent in psychiatry may have me over analyzing this but he could just be trying to relate to his sister because he and his brother have issues. OR, in some unintentional way, mom and dad may give more or different attention to the girl and the boy in question may be wanting to get in on that.

    There could be LOTS of reasons for him trying to emulate his sister.

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  4. #4

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    Re: What do you think?

    While I don't have a problem with him wearing girls clothes, I agree with you that he shouldn't be allowed to because they are his sisters. They probably have to share a lot, being 4-year-old triplets already, and her clothes are hers and only hers.

    Now, him saying he wants to be a girl, that's something to think about. Since you said he can't wear the clothes when her husband is home or when they go out, I assume she lets him a small amount of the time? So, she doesn't have as much of a problem with that part? I like that. But, I agree that she definitely should bring it up to the Pediatrician.

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  5. #5

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    Re: What do you think?

    It's difficult to really make an opinion when there can be so many reasons why the child is looking for extra attention. And, I certainly wouldn't want to come off as questioning your friends mothering skills. She's sounds like she's on top of it and a call to the ped. is a great idea.

    Just a few things in my own experience, having a strong-willed son.

    1. We ensure that he has his own special space, that he has a say in how it's decorated and organized. (keeping it clean is another matter)

    2. He clearly understands the schedule for the day. At the same time, when days can be more flexible he participates in the decision process

    3. I try not to harp on him about every little thing. I forgive a few minor "offenses" everyday.

    Parenting is the hardest job in the world. Us mom's have to stick to together to figure it out!

  6. #6

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    Re: What do you think?

    It's so hard to have an opinion about this without personally knowing them. But my first thought is that maybe your friend unknowingly shows more attention or affection or favor to the girl because she can relate to her more than to the boys so maybe that's why this boy wants to be a girl...so he can get that same type of attention/affection/favor. Another possibility is that maybe he's relating more to his mom than his dad at this stage of his development so he's trying to emulate her. (I still remember my nephew going through a stage of wanting to wear jewelry and high heels "just like his mom") I also think it's interesting that your friend will let her son behave one way when only she's there , but another way when Daddy's there too.

    I think you're wise to keep your opinions to yourself and let the pediatrician be the one to give her and her husband advice. When it comes to parenting and male/female roles people have all different ideas of what's acceptable/unacceptable and I really think it's up to each couple to decide how they want to parent their kids. My husband and I traveled to Hawaii once with a couple and their 6 year old son and a few times the son cried and his father made him cover his face with a napkin so people wouldn't see him crying and told him only girls and sissy boys cry. It made me uncomfortable and sad for the little boy but I kept my mouth shut. I know him as a teenager now and he is a very happy go lucky , but he also still has a sensitive side so who's to say whether what his dad did was right or wrong or impacted him in a positive, negative or even neutral way.

  7. #7

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    Re: What do you think?

    I think all children in a family have to have their own 'spot'. I have 3 girls. Each of them seemed to have the need to carve out their own spot in our family. One is the 'tester'. She tested every boundry we ever put before her. She told her closest in age sister "It's easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission." Yeah. My middle is my social butterfly. Cheerleader, band member, leader in our church youth group, all A's, etc. My youngest is my 'tomboy'. She rides horses, has to be made to shower and do the 'girly' things. The two older are very talkative-one a smart mouth, one a pleaser- my youngest is very quiet and shy. They all have their roles.

    Maybe your friend's son is trying to define his role. The girl is -well, the girl. Is the other boy more of the 'alpha-male' type? If so, that could explain alot.

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