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  1. #1

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    Question Small Children and Weddings

    Hi ladies!

    As many of you know, Ken and I are getting married at a beautiful outdoor location this fall. And, that outdoor location includes an unbound lake, and it will be a nighttime event. So, to prevent any bad things from happening, we're asking our guests to please not bring children under 8 years old. (The age minimum was suggested to us by a few friends who are parents.) We know that kids like to run around and play and stuff, and considering the reception sits right on the edge of the dark lake, it would just be a potentially hazardous mix.

    But, that "rule" also includes small toddlers and infants, mainly because we don't feel it's necessary for them to be at a formal event, unless they're part of the ceremony. (And, we have no attendants anyway.) And, this is also partly because we've had a couple friends say things like, "Great! I can't wait to bring my little one to show her off! She'll be eight months old by then, and everyone will just love her." Um...... I'm sorry, but get your own $6,000 party to show 'em off.

    Anyway, our closest friends (they're like a brother and sister to us) announced the other night that they're pregnant. Both Ken and I are absolutely ecstatic over this. And.... the baby's due right around the time of our wedding. So, we may end up with a very pregnant guest, or we've offered to "break" our own rule for them, and to please bring the newborn, because we'd love to have he/she there.

    Well, the friend who said she would bring her 8-month-old to show off is now challenging me on this and demanding why it's not ok for everyone to bring their babies. (By the way, these friends don't know each other at all. And this other friend doesn't know anyone in our family or anything, and I haven't even seen her in 6 years.)

    We kinda thought this type of thing might come up and cause a few people to balk, so we're prepared to add-in a little "addition" to our ceremony at the last minute, if by chance our good friend's baby has arrived by then - just a brief acknowledgement of the child born closest to our wedding date, which bestows a blessing of fertitility.

    Are we being "mean" or "rude" by asking that small children not be present??

    We just feel that this is *our* big day - not anyone else's. And besides, we're paying for it - we should make the decisions.

    And, most importantly - there's a safety concern with that dark lake there!

  2. #2

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    I don't see a problem for lots of reasons..
    water and children and it being your event is reason enough for me.
    Newborns are an exception to the rule anyways maybe due to more frequent breastfeeding issues.

    Unless I am missing something..it is not a family picnic. It is your wedding. Congrats and best wishes

  3. #3

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    No not mean or rude... you are concerned about the lake, night event and issues that have to do with weddings and unattained children. there are no children in the wedding party so I don't see why any children should be there if you don't wont.
    if these are your friends this shouldn't be a problem. what wrong with them getting a sitter for the night? then they can enjoy the evening as just adults.
    not sure what you should do about the preg friend but that really doesn't have anything to do with the real issue. THIS IS YOUR WEDDING AND IF YOU WANT IT TO BE CHILD FREE THEN YOU SHOULD!!!!
    aka Sara




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  4. #4

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    Not mean at all DP!!! On our wedding invitations we had printed in bold type on the bottom "Adult Reception Only"

    Well.... I actually had someone call and say that they didn't think it was fair that they couldn't bring their 3 year old son when MY 2.5 year old son would be there. I was like OMG!!!! HELLLOOooooo MY 2.5 year old son is IN the wedding party and so is a 6 year old girl and they will be the ONLY two children there.

    Our ceremony was in a chapel at the same location where our reception was so it wasn't like we could drop off the 2 kids someplace on the way to the reception but to be honest, if we had someone to leave our 2.5 year old son with at the time he would have been at a sitters house too!

    Well, needless to stay we stepped on a few toes but I really didn't care. It was our day and I was not about to have it ruined by kids that don't behave and by their parents that just sit there and don't say a word to the kids when they are out of control

    I remember when I was a kid that we were NEVER allowed to go to weddings with my parents. The first wedding I went to was my cousin's and I was 17 years old.

    I believe a wedding reception is no place for children to be.

    *A friend of ours had a huge wedding with all kids present 6 months before we got married. When they got to the reception to start taking pics a few pf the kids were running around like maniacs and tripped, the one kid pushed the brides uncle who was holding a glass of red wine and guess where that red wine landed? Yup, right on my friends wedding gown There was red wine all over the front of her gown She was so sad and all her pics were taken from the waist up from that point on
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  5. #5

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    you do what's right for you...that's all there is to it. This does bring back a painful memory for me though...my very very best friend from high school got married when my kids were quite young. we had no family & no sitters. their invite said explicitly 'no children'..although it was worded much better! lol
    anyway... my hubby & I stayed home..sent our regrets & a gift. My dad went to the wedding & came home to say there were kids all over the place. Apparently we were one of the only ones to actually follow the request. So, be prepared for that.

  6. #6

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    Well, I say that it's your wedding and if you don't want small children there, they shouldn't be there. Period. If their parents have a problem with it, they should respectfully decline to attend. That is their problem, not yours. I have skipped parties before due to kids not being invited, my kids are my life and if they aren't welcome, I don't feel fully welcome. That was just a party, not a wedding. A wedding is different, I have attended those without my kids even when kids were invited. I want to be able to enjoy the wedding and reception fully and I can't if I'm chasing kids around or trying to keep them occupied and happy. So, I got a sitter for the night. Also, you have the safety issue and I believe that it's actually more responsible of you to worry about that and do something about it.

    Bottom line is that it's your wedding and if you decide one newborn is an exception to the rule, you can. I can see her challenging you if you said every kid except hers can attend, but you haven't. Again, she has the right to stay home and send her best wishes. You have the right to your wedding being your way.

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  7. #7

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    No you're not mean or rude. It's YOUR wedding, YOUR special day. If you wanted to walk down the aisle on your hands it's your decision. If the parents of the 8 month old can not understand that, then I guess they're going to miss a beautiful ceremony.



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  8. #8

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    It's your wedding day, you're entitled to what ever your heart desires.

    However, I just don't feel that a wedding would be complete without ALL those that I love and cherish are there surrounding me. If parents aren't responsible enough to stop little Timmy from sinking to the bottom of the lake, it's on them.


    BUT, your day, your rules. Tell your friend to stick it up the poop chute.

  9. #9

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    ok Migo- ugh

    Though I agree- you can set the rules as you see fit. To be honest- as a parent, it is GREAT when someone invites you to something you can enjoy as an ADULT without having to watch kids (ok, can you tell *I* am personally excited about this?) and they should appreciate it- rather than trying to hijack your plans.

    Oh and a friend of mine here at work suggested buying wedding insurance- that way if someone gets drunk and injures themselves or does some other stupidity on your day- you can pawn the costs off on insurance rather than your pocket- not sure of the details, but that was her advice.
    Last edited by Nephythys; 03-02-2006 at 09:08 AM.

  10. #10

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    It's your wedding for chrissake! You do what YOU want!

    My niece is having toddlers in her wedding the end of this month, but she's also hired a babysitter to take care of them afterwards so that they arent at the reception and that the parents can have fun without worrying about their own kids. Other than that no kids are allowed at her wedding either.

  11. #11

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    Do what you want to do, it is your choice.

    We had tons of kids at our wedding, but I also have a huge family with lots of younger cousins. The only time the kids bothered anyone was during the toasts they were a little loud. Other than that, I would have missed not having kids at my wedding.
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  12. #12

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    I would want MY kids at my wedding- but I am not sure how I would feel about other people's kids. I know that sounds like a double standard- but there is a difference between my own and other peoples. Oh well.

    I don't know many people with kids anyway.

  13. #13

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    I don't know how many kids were at our wedding. They were a non-factor. I know I had three children in my wedding party, much to the dismay of the "church lady coordinator type" who kept insisting that children of that age would ruin the wedding.


    Loved to have her apologize to me after the wedding.

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    It's perfectly fine to request not to have children attend. So what if people get snippy. You're paying for their dinner and entertainment! I've been to several weddings where there were many children at the reception where it was just silly. They were even allowed to join the 'bouquet toss' and the 'garter throwing'. Yes...one child cought the flowers, and one child cought the garter. Very dissapointing for the adults who were participating.
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  15. #15

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    Re: Small Children and Weddings

    Quote Originally Posted by Cuzco-topia
    It's perfectly fine to request not to have children attend. So what if people get snippy. You're paying for their dinner and entertainment! I've been to several weddings where there were many children at the reception where it was just silly. They were even allowed to join the 'bouquet toss' and the 'garter throwing'. Yes...one child cought the flowers, and one child cought the garter. Very dissapointing for the adults who were participating.

    There have been some weddings where I just want to strangle the parents who let their children act like wild hyenas on the dance floor. That really ruffles my fur to no end.

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