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  1. #1

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    Am I being over senstive?

    So, last night I called my dad. I talk to him a couple times a month. We aren't super close but we don't have any major issues between us either. 5 years ago my parents divorced and not too long after they both started dating other people. I was 19 when they divorced and while it was weird when they started dating - it wasn't a huge deal.
    So dad and I are chatting and he mentioned that they had a birthday party for Lena, his girlfriend who moved in w/ him some two years ago or so, Sunday night. We chatted about the party for a while and then he says
    "Oh, by the way, at that party we announced we're getting married!" I knew nothing about this! I made happy noises and got details ect. They are talking about getting married in Feb. and I said ok I'll talk to my bosses and let them know i'll want to be home around then. And he said
    "Oh dont' worry about it. It's just going to be a small thing anyway."
    Now, understand I am happy for them. I'm not against them getting married at all. But they got engaged in mid August and announced it Sunday night at a huge party and my sister and I only found out yesterday. Only because we happened to call him.
    I'm a little hurt by that. I'm not super mad. I'm not going to boycot the marriage. But. I am his daughter. I would have liked to be told before 100 people at a birthday party and not as a 'oh by the way' type of thing.
    Am I expecting too much from my dad? I mean both my sister and I are out on our own. We don't live near home anymore. And I can understand wanting to start a new life w/ someone....but...it still hurts that we weren't told earlier. And that he doesn't even want me there....

  2. #2

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    I agree i think you and your sister should have been told before the people at the birthday party were, because you are his flesh and blood.. that isnt right.. (even if you both are older) you should have been the first to know. When I remarried.. my older kids (as well as hubby's older kids) were the first to know before anyone else. then i told my parents and friends

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  3. #3

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    I too agree.

  4. #4

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    Thank you both. I have a tendency to be over sensitive and i've been a lil down and teary today and if I was being silly I wanted to be able to tell myself to knock it off and get on with life......


  5. #5

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    Not being overly sensitive at all.
    You deserved to be on the short list of people that should have been informed prior to a public announcement.
    I would certainly mention to your father that you are bothered by this and the fact that you feel a bit excluded in the important happenings in his life.

    I'm so sorry, I can only imagine how painful this must be for you

  6. #6

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    Yes....I know I should talk to my Dad. I just don't quite know how to handle it. I don't want him to think I'm unhappy about the marriage, but I also don't want him to feel like he has to tell me EVERYTHING (which is what my mother and her boyfriend do...). Sigh. Thank you for your encouragement. It means a lot

  7. #7

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    Quote Originally Posted by cpdisneyprincess View Post
    Yes....I know I should talk to my Dad. I just don't quite know how to handle it. I don't want him to think I'm unhappy about the marriage, but I also don't want him to feel like he has to tell me EVERYTHING (which is what my mother and her boyfriend do...). Sigh. Thank you for your encouragement. It means a lot
    I would be upset. and I would email him, or write him a letter telling him how you feel. do not put it under the carpet, it needs to be said. he was not thinking of you or your sister, just himself and he needs to know it!

  8. #8

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    Yes. I think I'll sit on it a few days and pray about it. I hate confrontation. Thanks again. I feel better already

  9. #9

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    It doesn't need to be confrontational- just to say that you were hurt that all the people at the birthday party were told before his own daughters. I can totally understand how you felt marginalized. And to say he doesn't want you to come to wedding? Wow.
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  10. #10

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    You're not being overly sensitive! Not at all.

    Maybe a card of congratulations with a handwritten letter letting him know you'd like to be involved/invited to the wedding?

    I know from past experience with my dad that suggesting a future positive is better than dwelling on a past negative.

    I think our dads could be twins.....my dad has done NUMEROUS similar things to my sister and me over the years.

    Chin up! It's not you. It's him.

  11. #11

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    i agree with everyone.. you have to talk to your dad and let him know how you feel.. and tell him you are happy with the marriage ( engagement) but he should have told you and your sisiter first.. tell him how hurt you feel (without being confrontational of course)

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  12. #12

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    You have every right to be upset. Unfortunatly, i had to deal with a similar situation with my wife. Her parents divorced when she was 18 and she is very close to both her mom and dad. Well, i've known her family for 15+ years and a few years after the divorce her father had meet someone. She is very nice and my wife likes her a lot, they have very similar tastes. Anyway, so after about a year of dating my now FIL proposes to her and she accepts. We are all very happy and wish them well. A few months later, while they were out of town, they get married. At first my wife thought that it was a spur of the moment thing. She then finds out, through her uncle, that they had been planning this since he proposed to her. When confronted, her dad said that he didn't think it was that big of a deal for them to be there. My wife is a woman who hides her emotions behind a thick layer of toughness, but she was very upset, at both her father and step-mother. This ended up doing a small bit of damage to the relationship between the kids and their father. She is still close to her dad, but she carries this with her constantly. When we were planning our wedding, she played an April Fools Joke on her dad and called him and told him we had eloped to Vegas! He hit the roof. It was always his "dream" to walk his daughters down the aisle, and he was hurt that we didn't tell him. She told him it was a joke and explained her reasoning. He still didn't see why that would upset her that she wasn't at his wedding, although he did apologize.

    My advice, call your dad and explain how important this is and if he still does not want you there "demand" a explaination as too why. If it's BS, call him on it. DO it respectfully, but do it!
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  13. #13

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    Hugs Be strong. I agree with you it wrong he did not tell you and does not want you there. Maybe talk to him tell him how you feel.

    Hugs


  14. #14

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    I'd be upset too.

  15. #15

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    Re: Am I being over senstive?

    This would upset me as well. I agree with everyone on talking to your Dad.

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