I've left my husband

[TINK23]

I don't know many of you here, but thought it would help to write about my current situation. If could get could come good thoughts my way or help someone else it will be worth spilling my guts on the internet.

I have left my husband. We have been together for 13 years. Married for 2. I decided to leave because I was not happy and felt nothing I did would make it better. Anytime a conflict would come up, my husband blamed me. When I asked him to go to see a therapist, he said "Why? I don't have the problem". He was unwilling to take responsibility for his part in the relationship. I felt that he put someone or something before me and didn't think my pain as something he had anything do with. I'm not perfect and I will admit that at times I can be a nagging bitch. But I am willing to work on making things better. I went to a Therapist and starting to work on me. How can I make things better? I was looking for him to make things better, when it really starts with me. And I can admit that.

He is the type of person that is content with what comes to him. Whereas I'm the type of person that seeks and goes after what I want. He is always turning things around and making me feel bad. I want someone to kiss me and hug me and share my dreams. I stayed with him as long as I did because I was afraid of being alone. I settled. An ongoing conflict was that he wouldn't tell me I was cute. A small request, silly one might say. However, he felt that he didn't have to tell me. That I should know how he feels. But doesn't everyone want their husband to tell them? Is that too much to ask? He wouldn't do little things for me that he knew I liked, just because of his pride or stubborness.

I have a son from a previous relationship. He is 14. Even though "Bob" and I had been together for many years, he was never the father he could have been to my son. They were more buddies. He never comitted to "Johnny". They still go see each other, but "Bob" rarley attended school events, or did what I think a father should do. Maybe I gaurded "Johnny" to protect him. But "Bob" tended to find the faults in both of us than nurture.

Now that I've moved out, my family has admitted that they never liked him. Now they tell me. They say they never thought "Bob" was good enough for me. They have been VERY supportive and I know I have made the right decision. But this is the most painful and difficult thing EVER. I keep thinking maybe it wasn't that bad, but he still fights with me when we speak. I moved out and he even wanted to help me pack. If the love of my life was moving, I would do anything possible to stop them. He did nothing.

On top of all of this, he never understood Disneyland. I should have known then, he wasn't the one.

Thanks for reading, it has been helpful to write. Anyone else that has gone through a divore, I would love some tips. I know I will make it and my son and I will be better for it. I am looking forward to the future, but we must make it through this swamp of muck to get to the otherside.

[samsma]

No tips, as I have never been through this. Just want to say stay strong, look after "Johnny", and yourself.

[kelly]

I am so so sorry ((hugs)) I went thru a divorce (9 years ago) it is tough at first.. but things do get better. I am now married again to a wonderful man (better than my 1st husband can ever be)

if you need to talk feel free to pm me ok

[sunnygirl]

Wow, this must be such a difficult time for you, especially after being in the relationship for so long. I have no real advice to offer, other than be strong for yourself and your child. You deserve nothing but the best.

[sir clinksalot]

Sorry to hear this, but it sounds like it may be a good thing.

I have no advice for you other than the good advice you have already given yourself. As for the family telling you AFTER, well, that's the way it always is. Unfortunately.

[Alice's Wonderland]

Wow. I don't have any advice either but it sounds like you did the right thing and i'm glad that you have your family's support. Good luck to you.

[MissTheMouse]

I'm sorry... I am going through some really tough times with my husband right now as well and a lot of it boils down to he won't get over his "pride" issues and that while he says he would do anything for me, even DIE for me... he can't do the simple things that would make me happy. We don't see eye to eye at all anymore. I say what is most important is your happiness. Without you can't provide for your kid what you should. Your mind is clouded with unnecessary crud. I have started shifting my relationship. I hope we don't split apart but I like to think that if he truly loves me and is meant for me we won't... I don't want to grow old and look back on my life and think "Wow, my entire life has gone by and I didn't get to enjoy it." It's hard to leave (obviously we are still together) but the other night I really let him have it. If he doesn't like what I have to say and doesn't want to live "kinda" the way I want to live then maybe he should find someone else. I love him enough to know I really don't want him miserable his whole life as well. Sometimes, people just aren't meant to be together long term. While your heart feels crushed and you cry your eyes out, try to do what I do. I think about the last time I went through a hard break up and realize that I made it just fine and sometimes things got better because of it. I don't want to separate from my husband. I really want to grow old with him but that is the key word "WITH" I don't want to grow old "AS" him because everything I do is what he wants. It's a hard habit to break. I struggle abiding by my own advice. Anyway... I wish you the best. I'm here if you need an ear. :-)

[Nancywitt]

I'm sorry you are going through so much pain Tink. But it sounds like you tried to make it work and really thought hard about your choice to leave. Good luck to you in the future.

On a brighter note, now you can go to Disneyland all you want. Maybe you may even run into a handsome prince who understands your Disney need and your need to provide a wonderful environment for your son.

Hugs to you!

[BFJen]

You will be so much better off. You need to keep yourself surrounded by people that uplift you and make you feel like a better person. Mental Abuse comes in so many forms.

Be grateful that you've done this now and not later in life. My dad treated my that way - everything was always her fault, even when he cheated on her. She was 58 when she divorced him after 35 years of marriage. It was hard for her to find her true identity again and to find some self worth. But, 2 years later, she's thriving! You will too.

[Wotan]

I am so, so sorry to hear about this, and what a rought time you've undoubtedly been going through. It's really really tough, I know.

I hope you're able to take things a day at a time, and remind yourself that this will pass, and things will get better, eventually, and I'm sure you'll rise above this. Let us know if there's ever anything we can do to help.

[superstacie]

I've never been through a divorce (im only 20) but i just went through a breakup with my bf of a year. He didn't seem to interested in making me happy anymore. Also, he totally didn't get my love for Disneyland. He wouldn't even go with me on my birthday. But it gets better. We've been broken up for 2 months and I've felt so much better. I'm happier thats for certain. I know that what I went through is nothing compared to your situation, it gets better. Even if you loved that person with all your heart, it heals.

[TINK23]

Thank you ALL. This has been a healing day. You words have brought be comfort.

[TikiRoomLiz]

It's good to read that you went through therapy to try and work things out, but the fact that he didn't want to go ... and even tried to help you pack ... you made the right decision. Life is indeed too short to have someone in your life who doesn't appreciate's both you and your son.

[barfownz]

If your wife/hubby doesn't understand Disneyland, I understand...

[Mousey Girl]

It is hard when a long term relationship heads south. Every day, for me, has had its ups and downs, since finding out about the baby. Last night was really hard. I saw the baby shower registry, under my husband's name. It is finally sinking in that it is over, even though he has yet to tell me that she is pregnant.