You can love your partner and do things for them all the time, but if you're not doing the right things and they don't tell you (a problem men have), how will you know if you're making them feel loved or if you're doing things that would make you feel loved?
That's the beauty of communication! Pure and simple.
Here's the problem: men have a different approach, generally, to sex and love (from the mouth of a male relative). Women have emotion first, which makes us want the physical, and men have physical first, from which they develop the emotional. So, for guys, love has a whole lot more to do with sex than it does for us ladies. If you're going to talk about understanding eachother's needs, then you also need to understand that guys need the physical to lead to the emotional. (Yes, I realize that "the physical" might not have to be all the way, but guys are going to need some touching, it's how they're wired)
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe...
Let's also remember that a guy does not go into a relationship the way we do. We go in it thinking it will be like the movies. Hollywood does a great job in tricking us into thinking it will be Blissful, then tragic and the happily ever after in the end. We who live in reality know this is not to be true. That's our emotional sappy selves. It's all about emotion for us!!! Communication is key and let's face it...even people who have been marrried for 35 years say that they constantly struggle at times to communicate. Also relationships require compromise. I personally do not buy the whole 50/50 mumbo jumbo. It's all about compromise and being giving and selfless to your partner!!! There are times you will have to compromise and do something you don't like (i.e. going to a NASCAR race or a Manchester United game....oh no...I don't forsee that in MY future ) and there will be times he will compromise and do what you want even though it's less than thrilling for him (plays and what not)
Let's face it though if a guy was interested in a woman and she refused to date him or get intimate until he read a book......shoot even I would not read a book some guy was adamant about...Love me for who I am not for who you think you can make me become!!!
Last edited by Disneykat; 06-27-2005 at 04:49 PM.
Katie Founding member of the BA I LOVE us!!! FIGHT ON!!!!!!
I understand that reading relationship books isnt for everyone..and thats ok. In defense though of those kind of books..If your in a relationship (and this book is good even if your not in a relationship..it helps to understand yourself better) hopefully you that other person is the greatest person in the world..wouldn't you want to do everything possible to have the greatest relationship possible ? Lets face it..relationships are WORK !!
Hey, I had Sex with my wife before there was Love. There was alot of Lust involved, but no love then.
You gotta test drive the car before you buy it.
Morrigoon, very well said, you know us guys too much, and must therefore be eliminated.
There are only 3 things a guy needs ... Sex, Food and Sex. I know most ladies don't understand it, heck, we don't really understand it. I just find the female species to be so beautiful in every way that I can't get enough of looking at ya. It's a sickness for which there is no cure.
And VERY well said Katie. The quickest way to get a man not to like you is to try and change him. It may work for awhile, but a man is who he is. No amount of books or nagging or fighting is going to change that.
I just love it when women say after a break up that they didn't know a guy was a jerk. Yes you did honey, you just looked beyond it at the beginning of the relationship because you were so "In Love".
I know it's hard to throw emotion out the window, but sometimes you have to for your own good.
Gregg - One of the "Nice Guys" who always seems to finish last ...
Last edited by sir clinksalot; 06-27-2005 at 07:35 PM.
Yay, someone derailed this thread...it was getting a bit too serious.
I'm glad I read the book...it definitely pinpointed for me, what I will need from a future partner, so that I'll feel loved. If he is a gift giver, that's great, but what I need to feel loved is Verbal Affirmation...I don't need him to be doing things that are a waste of his time, when all he has to do is what I need and I'll have to find out what his love language is, so I can be sure to do the things he really needs as well.
We don't stop playing because we grow old; We grow old because we stop playing.
------------------------------------- Vows are spoken
To be broken
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
I definitely think everyone is different, and it's important for the other to realize what makes the other person feel loved.
For me, I'm an "action" girl - effort means everything to me. It's not the value of the gift or the words spoken, but HOW. A little love note on a Post-It would make me feel more loved than just hearing "I Love You", or an actual Valentine card would be much nicer than just hearing "Happy Valentine's Day", because it actually took *effort* to stop for a few moments and browse through a card rack to find just the right one. Maybe it's because I'm a more "visual" type of person in general. Who knows? And, I tend to show love in the same way.