from the August ESQUIRE by Mary-Lynn Rajskub (Chloe on 24)
1. We travel in packs and howl at the moon
2. One third of us are mermaids
3. A little-known fact: Mermaids can talk to whales and dolphins
4. We have the ability to become invisible. At night, we look through the homes of strangers.
5. When we call you Daddy, we really mean it.
6. We keep unicorns in our pockets and fairies behind our ears.
7.Sometimes we go number two.
8. Occasionally, we feel sympathy for a pile of leaves.
9. It's a mistake to assume that we all like shopping and rich men. Infact, we would prefer a law that declared every other day "Parachute pants with a cut-up Sweatshirt Day" and made all rich men give their money to those who really need it, like starving artists, underpaid teachers, and gamblers.
10. We think shoes that turn into roller skates are really cool.
11. We are not afraid of bugs, men who are mommies, or men who want to dress like girls.
12. Wait - isn't your job to keep a list of things you don't know about us? Don't be surprised when you end up with more than ten.
13. We invented the windsheild wiper but not the ding-ding sound the car door makes when you open it.
14. We're not microwavable or bulletproof
15. When you are showing off, bragging, or telling us some dumb story, we see a little baby crying for help. Weirdly, that's attractive to us.