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  1. #1

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    pickle jar factor

    So i didn't see the show, but last Friday's Oprah was on dating stuff.
    The guest, Patti Novak, gave advice to women on why they are not hsving luck dating.
    So the one part mentioned was the 'Pickle Jar Factor'.
    [QUOTE]"sometimes you have to let the man open the pickle jar."[/QUOTE]

    Basically, sometimes you have to ask him to do something for you to let him feel more manly or needed.

    I don't have to think about lettting my man do things for me- sometimes I really need a jar opened and I can't do it, and he does all of the fixing manly stuff around the house (his dad was a handyman, so he knows how to do a lot. I married a manly one, fixes things around the house and works on cars for a living!)

    Anyhoo.... discuss.

  2. #2

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    I watched that and I totally agree!
    I'm very independent so it's hard to ask for help.
    When you're single for long periods of time, you forget that a man is around to do things for you. I'm getting better, but sometimes i forget and he has to remind me that he's the man of the relationship...
    A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes....

  3. #3

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    screw that. I'm quite capable of doing stuff myself. I'm not going to just ask for help when I don't need it. that's silly. Thankfully my BF is not threatened by strong women and he is secure with himself and doesn't need me to make him feel like a man. GOD I hate oprah...

  4. #4

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    i love that my two responses are completely different.

  5. #5

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    Quote Originally Posted by SCUBAbe View Post
    screw that. I'm quite capable of doing stuff myself. I'm not going to just ask for help when I don't need it. that's silly. Thankfully my BF is not threatened by strong women and he is secure with himself and doesn't need me to make him feel like a man.
    I'd have to go more with this. I do like it when men open doors for me (it's just nice, I don't NEED it done), but I can open my own jar.

    There are enough things I do need help with, I'm not going to play "damsel in distress" on things I don't. And quite frankly, I'm not sure my DH would want me bugging him with stuff like that. I can mow the lawn, open jars, carry my own bags. But anything to do with technology, I do ask for help.
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  6. #6

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    In fairness, Oprah called Patti Novak out on this, basically dissing the damsel in distress routine. But Patti Novak came back saying that of course women were capable of opening their own pickle jar... that if you're alone, open your own pickle jar, but if he's around then ask him to do it.
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  7. #7

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    Quote Originally Posted by hoppypooh View Post
    In fairness, Oprah called Patti Novak out on this, basically dissing the damsel in distress routine. But Patti Novak came back saying that of course women were capable of opening their own pickle jar... that if you're alone, open your own pickle jar, but if he's around then ask him to do it.
    I wouldn't agree with Patti Novak, whoever she is! When DH and I have gone on vacation, I hate it when he carries my bags. I don't mind if he took a small one, but he'll put my heavy backpack on his own back - and I tell him he's not my donkey.

    As far as jars - he will more likely ask me to help open it (I tend to do it better). But if something is easier for him - takes him less time, or less effort, I don't mind asking. There are a lot of things I don't know how to do myself, and I do ask for help. There are times when it's nice for a man to be chivalrous - whether it's offering a seat (I often won't take it), or opening a door for me (that I really like). But I don't want to play a weak woman who can't open her own jar, carry her own bags, etc. I don't think my DH would appreciate me bothering him for things I can do quite ably myself.
    Denise

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    Quote Originally Posted by TDLFAN View Post
    I think it will give more pipping pervs the reason needed to go parasailing
    on Bay Lake.

  8. #8

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    Im going to have to keep an eye out for a repeat.
    Personally, I am not an Oprah fan, so I don't watch the show, but that one little comment... I want to see this episode.
    Last edited by ladyalmalthea; 02-06-2008 at 03:58 PM.

  9. #9

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    I have always been very independent, I managed the finances, took care of the car insurance, got things ifxed around the house, took my own car for oil changes etc. We have had a lot of things change in the last 18 months and hubby has taken over a lot of those items now and he is happier and more confident in himself and our relationship, which makes me happier. I think sometimes guys want to feel like they are the man of the house and that they are able to take care of us (even if we really don need them to). Hey I get to sleep in one weekend day a week now and hubby gets up with the kids, so I am not complaining.

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  10. #10

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    Honestly- i think that would irritate the hell out of my husband if I asked him to do stuff for me he knew I was perfectly capable of handling on my own. He is not the type of guy that needs to be reassured of his manliness- he knows. I think that it is the insecurities of the guy that would need this. I am not going to cater to someone else's low self esteem.
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  11. #11

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    Quote Originally Posted by Mouse princess View Post
    Honestly- i think that would irritate the hell out of my husband if I asked him to do stuff for me he knew I was perfectly capable of handling on my own. He is not the type of guy that needs to be reassured of his manliness- he knows. I think that it is the insecurities of the guy that would need this. I am not going to cater to someone else's low self esteem.
    My husband and I (prior to getting married) broke up for a year and a half, partly due to my own lack of self-sufficiency. I had never really been on my own until then, and it really changed my life. Not that I couldn't do anything myself prior, but I can now take care of myself when I need to (emotionally and otherwise). Yes, there are going to be things I cannot do. But I am not going to pretend that handing a pickle jar will make him feel all manly. In this case, it won't. Seriously, after a few times, he'd probably start getting ticked.

    There are things that I cannot do that he can, and honestly - he's mostly prefer I learn to do those things as well.
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    Quote Originally Posted by TDLFAN View Post
    I think it will give more pipping pervs the reason needed to go parasailing
    on Bay Lake.

  12. #12

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    I guess it just depends on the people and the relationship. Hubby and I both have things that we are good at, and we appreciate those qualities in each other. For instance he isn't good at putting the kids to bed (I blame the kids really) so thats something I do, I am not good fixing my computer when it won;t connect to the INternet, so when it goes down...I go find him to fix it, and honestly I never want to learn why it breaks, he likes to fix it for me and I don;t want to fill my brain with that if I don't have to. We both are good cooks so we split that time.

    I guess I am just old fashioned. He doesnt open the door for me or anything like that but separation of duties in our house make for a happy couple...I do laundry, he fixes crap that breaks, and we both feel appreciated for the work we do. I am not saying my husband needs to feel appreciated or that he is insecure if he doesn't get appreciated, but all people like to know they are needed. Small things, like opening a jar (every now and then) are nice.

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  13. #13

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    Quote Originally Posted by SCUBAbe View Post
    screw that. I'm quite capable of doing stuff myself. I'm not going to just ask for help when I don't need it. that's silly. Thankfully my BF is not threatened by strong women and he is secure with himself and doesn't need me to make him feel like a man. GOD I hate oprah...
    LOL! I have to admit I agree with you for the most part. I hate asking for help with anything, even something simple. But sometimes my pride will get the best of me and I have to cave.

  14. #14

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    My DH says he'd say "open your own dam* jar".

    And he doesn't like some of the stuff I ask for already (anything that he THINKS I should know how to do myself). :0) He does get frustrated with me, because some things come very easily for him, but I don't know how to do them. (usually technical).
    Last edited by nbodyhome; 02-06-2008 at 06:17 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by TDLFAN View Post
    I think it will give more pipping pervs the reason needed to go parasailing
    on Bay Lake.

  15. #15

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    Re: pickle jar factor

    Quote Originally Posted by nbodyhome View Post
    My DH says he'd say "open your own dam* jar".

    He does get frustrated with me, because some things come very easily for him, but I don't know how to do them. (usually technical).
    I am sooo no technical minded.
    My husband is a good problem solver, especially with puxxle games. I just sit and stare...

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