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  1. #1

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    I really could use some help.

    OK, I posted this here in the Gibson Girls Lounge because I thought that women might give better advice than if I were to post this in the Lost Boys Lounge. To be honest, I am a bisexual male. However, I'm in a tough situtation that I need some advice from other people. There is this person that I know and REALLY like. However, I am not sure of this person's sexual preference and I have often found this person and myself flirting and also caught the person looking at me quite a bit. I also return looks as well as I just can't keep eyes off of the person. Yet, I am not around this person enough to really get into the position of finding out. Still at the same time, whenever we are around, or looking at each other, and even talking, I can feel something that I have never felt before. I can even see it in the way the person looks at me that there must be an attraction somewhere along the lines. This is the problem though: the person I am talking about can come of as extremely straight, but then when were around each other, well, you get the point. Do you understand what I am trying to say? Does anyone have any advice as to what I should think or do? Am I tricking myslef into thinking that this person likes me when it is just happens to be a coincidence that we seem talk and smile at each other or even stare at one another? I do not want to do anything drastic or be quick to assum, but it drives me crazy that I don't know or even worse, can't have the person. I have tried getting over it, but I just can't. This is not jsut a sexual attraction, for me, it extends down to emotions and actually wanting to get to know the person really well.

    If you can take the time to understand and perhaps give me advice, I would VERY much appreciate it.

  2. #2

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    Re: I really could use some help.

    The best thing you can do, is to let time run it's course. You don't want to sabotage a friendship for something that may not be there. You can talk to this person, and let things develop naturally (if there is things to develop) but don't pressure the issues, especially if you are unsure of the preference.
    ...it's been a long time.

  3. #3

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    Re: I really could use some help.

    Um...what he said. You need to ask yourself how good of a friend this is and how important it is for you to to remain friends with them. You could be totally honest and let them know how you feel but, with honesty comes risk. You may lose the friendship if they are offended or uncomfortable. Then again, they might just be flattered and it could be no big deal.

    Or...

    You may prefer to take things slower and let the other person make the first move. Maybe they will or maybe not. It is safer but it could be a long wait, especially if they are thinking the same thing that you are and waiting it out.
    "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?"
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  4. #4

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    Re: I really could use some help.

    Again, thanks for replying! I truly appreciate it. We are not BEST firends, and the point we are at, perhaps waiting it out would be the best choice.

  5. #5

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    Re: I really could use some help.

    Quote Originally Posted by DisneyMickey
    OK, I posted this here in the Gibson Girls Lounge because I thought that women might give better advice than if I were to post this in the Lost Boys Lounge.

    It strikes me as really funny that the 2 responses you've gotten have been from men! That's okay, they are both very wise and respectable. (Respectable, is that really the word I want to use here?)

    I'm with them. It's too early to tell. Let it ride, see what happens. Enjoy having a crush, wait for a window of opportunity, and if you're feeling brave some time, ask. No dialing under the influence though!
    A signature should go here.

  6. #6

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    Re: I really could use some help.

    i would try to get to be better friends with this person before you let your romantic feelings come into play. you will be ready to let your feelings be known when you can discuss this with him without upsetting or embarrassing him, because by then you should be close enough to know what is appropriate for him and what isn't. that's what makes friendship based romantic relationships so great!

  7. #7

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    Re: I really could use some help.

    Maybe I missed this, but I think a really big part of the equation is "Does he know you're bi?" I'm not sure if you mentioned this or not. How out are you? If he knows, and he's being flirty with you, then just let it happen and have fun with it.

    However, if you're not out and he doesn't know you're bi, then I wouldn't bother pushing the issue with him. Hang on to the friendship and just keep it cool.

    From personal experience, I can tell you this: If you're not out (and whether you are or aren't is OK) then don't expect anything to happen. I had my fair share of crushes on cute guys when I was attending a private Christian college way back when. But I wasn't in any position to make a move because coming out at that time would have put my entire world in jeopardy. If he doesn't know you're bi --- and therefore a possible romatic interest --- then just let it go and hold on to the friendship.
    "George Bush... is only for now."
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    Just because it's gone doesn't mean I changed my mind!

  8. #8

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    Re: I really could use some help.

    Don't get your hopes too high and let things flow, just wait and be patient. If something is meant to happen it'll happen and maybe in a future you could talk about how you feel.

    Patience and everything will go fine.

  9. #9

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    Re: I really could use some help.

    Thanks again to all your advice! But like some of you had asked, he doesn't know that I'm bi and I don't if he is bi(even though word has it that he is). That is why I just have to rely on our friendship to let things develope. Still, another obstacle is that we aren't the best of friends(but not enemies), and we don't see each other as often as perhaps normal friends would. So here I am again, holding myself back and being patient. There was a point in all this that I tried to let the feelings go and move on, but damnit, I just couldn't!

  10. #10

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    Re: I really could use some help.

    Best of luck to you DisneyMickey. Since he doesn't know you're bi and you're not sure if he is, just take it easy and don't try to force anything. I know it's one of the most difficult things in the world to do. Trust me. I watched a guy that I was hopelessly crushing on get married to one of my best friends. It wasn't a lot of fun for me. But I got over it and so will you if it doesn't work out.

    You're young. That means you've got lots of time to find the right person for you. Just enjoy the ride and it will happen when you least expect it.
    "George Bush... is only for now."
    Avenue Q

    Just because it's gone doesn't mean I changed my mind!

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