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  1. #16

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    Quote Originally Posted by Barbaraann
    My youngest, was my monster child. I always say, if he was born first, he would have been an only child.
    My parents still say this about my younger sister, who is 26. They said it often during her wedding reception weekend and I think it hurt her feelings.

    I said it once about my youngest after a long day with her and my husband said, "Uh-uh. If we had her first, she would have figured out a way to MAKE us not have more kids. We'd have no say in it." She would have made a perfect only child. It's alllllll about her.

  2. #17

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    Let me clarify something about my "monster child" comment.

    I love my kids. I also love my grandson, of course. With all the pangs of growing up, there's and mine, I wouldn't trade the time I spent with them for anything. You take the good with the bad. As parents you do the best that you can. The way you have been brought up, has a direct bearing on the way that you raise your children. You do somethings the same. You change other things. For example: My mom never let us sleep over anyone's house. Not ever. Answer was always no. My boys had many sleep overs. I always had a house full of kids. boys, boys, everywhere. Them spending time away from us, taught them manners, and many other social skills that they needed. I felt I was too shy and fearful as a child, because I was kept at home, too near my parents.

    So my greatest advice is this. Get to know your kids. Spend as much time as you can with them, while they are young, and maybe they will come back and see you when they are older. Sadly, some kids don't.
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  3. #18

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    Barbaraann-
    I can feel your pain. I hope you are able to bridge the gap with your son. Someone once told me having kids was like pulling out your heart and watching it walk around. I know the "parenting" need or desire to part of your kids life doesn't go away when they walk out the door.

  4. #19

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    Kids, oh I have those.....

    Davis is 15- some people know he has major history. He came home yesterday from a residental treatment center. He is a new kid and sometime this week I plan to actually update people on that whole thing.
    He's attractive, very intelligent and becoming frighteningly grown up. He is nearly a man and it freaks me out a bit.

    Braden is 13- he's a funny monkey. Has a biting wit, startling sense of humor but no sense of responsibility and hates to work hard for anything. He has some recovering to do from damage caused by his father- poor kid.

    Ian is 12- good kid, Gets good grades and even when he does not want to help around the house, he still does it, because he knows he should. Cute kid, my little hobbit. One of the things I like best about him is his ability to know himself and his limitations. He knows and understands himself very well and that is admirable at his age.

    Rose is 5- she is my angel. She started kindergarten this year. I feel like time is just slipping away. All my kids are in school now- no babies at home anymore. She is both the most loving and most frustrating kiddo all at once. Very much a prima donna, yet sometimes works harder at helping than anyone else. I love love love having a daughter after 3 boys- she is the light of my life sometimes. (boys are crazy- but I love them anyway)

  5. #20

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    Monster children, that would be my middle one, too. I swear that child can be the Devil himself some days! It takes a lot longer for her to get me riled up than it does for her Dad to lose it, though. She's so near and dear to my heart because of this. I've seen many, many, MANY people look at her in pure disgust. People who are supposed to be our friends and always made such nice comments about her, if they didn't know I was looking. I am not violent at all but never have I wanted to punch someone in the face like I did when things like that happened. THIS child is the child I used to see in public with other parents and swear never, ever, ever would I have a child like that. Throwing fits, dirty face, snotty nose, clothes don't match, hair not combed, etc etc etc. Well, my first one was just perfect. Quiet, never got sick, never got dirty, never did anything wrong at home or in public. So, I was just so right, I wouldn't ever have that kid. Boy, was I wrong! This child, you can wash her face in the car and hold her hand while walking into the store 30 feet away and somehow her face is dirty again. And she is the one who will wander off no matter where she's at. She'll never hesitate to lay on the floor in a store and pitch an all out fit that makes me rage - she once did this on the asphalt parking lot at the grocery store in the middle of August and got burns on her arms and legs!!

    I tell you all this but still, she is the one who needs me most because this is the way she is. I wouldn't really want her to change, although it would make like easier in a lot of ways. Then she just wouldn't be HER, if you know what I mean. Someone else said above that they feel like they are the only one who understands their son most of the time, that is exactly how I feel about Autumn. Her Daddy, her grandmother's - they just don't understand her. I blame them and find it to be THEIR loss that they would want her to change into someone they can understand and I'll fight tooth and nail to keep her like she is. I'm kind of on the fence really, we had a meeting with her teacher and her school counselor last year on the last day of school. We all separately filled out this little checklist they have with traits of ADD and every one of us filled the thing out and left only 2 or 3 of them blank. So, I wanted to talk to her doctor and we may decide to medicate her if it comes to that. The reason is because she needs to be able to focus in school and get through it, without making it her teacher's worst year ever and without me crying through most of it because it just doesn't seem to be working. I don't want her to change, though, I just want her to be able to focus in school and control her emotions a little better. I'm afraid it will stifle her creativity, her boundless energy and all of the beautiful things that make her her.

    Gosh, I love that kid! I want to go home right now and give her a big bear hug and sing the Lumpy song from The Heffalump Movie, LOL!! She loves singing that and has an awesome singing voice, which is funny because her singing is more eloquent than her speech. She can inflect tones and notes and whatever all that singing stuff is called and can imitate songs perfectly, it amazes me!

    "Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
    — Mark Twain





  6. #21

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    Awwwwwwwww I know how you feel J, you know that, because of everything I've gone through with Shawn. I'm sure we're going to have the ADHD talk at his first IEP this year too.

    hugs



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  7. #22

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    You know what I love about this thread, the honesty. Its often hard to come by when folks are talking about their kids.

    Me, I've got a 21 yr old college student who has no focus.
    Does it frustrate me, yes, should it frustrate me, no.

    He is who he is. He has always lacked focus in school and is in no hurry to venture out completely on his own. He wants to define his own life, live his own life but more as a kid than an adult. Its ok, thats what college is for. We've been good about telling him most people don't decide 1st year in college what they want to do with their life and to take the time, try things and when you find the thing that catches your fancy, go for it.

    Drives me crazy, he's slobby, forgets to do whats asked of him, always in trouble, includinng a few run ins for under age drinking, forgets to pay bills, won't say he's running out of money until he already has and is racking up over charges.

    But, he's also incredibly kind, surrounded by friends who love him and is loyal to a fault. He really understands that life is short and he needs to fill his time with things/people that make him happy.

    He also still likes to do things with the family, so we must have done something right.

    He's special, wouldn't trade for all the tea in China

  8. #23

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    My daughter Paige is 11 years old. Being a young single mother (I was only 16 when she was born) has given me the ability to be able to relate to her better than most other parents I know. She is a very sweet child when she wants to be, which is getting fewer and farther between the closer to adolescence she gets. She doesn't listen very well, and she hates to be told what to do. She isn't a bad kid, but she is testing her boundaries (and my patience!) in a way I never thought possible.

    She loves animals. More than she loves people, I think. Dogs are her favorite, but if it has fur, she'll adore it. She plays soccer (3rd year just started) and she's pretty good. Very aggressive, too. It's funny to see my sweet little girl plowing through other kids on the field like she's playing football or something. Speaking of little, she's not. She was born at 10lbs, 2oz, and now, at 11, she's nearly as tall as me. She stands five feet two inches tall. Her shoe size is bigger than mine (already a size 9! Jeez!) and she can wear the same size clothes as my 21 year old sister. People often see that she looks about 14 years old and expect her to act 14 years old. Sometimes I'm guilty of it, too. It's easy to forget that she's still a little kid. I try very hard not to treat her like she's older, but sometimes it's difficult.

    The older she gets, the more turbulent our relationship has become. I have to ground her or take away privelleges for mouthing off. Some days I just want to run away from home and come back when she's like 25. But for every one moment like that, there's about six where she lets me hug her and love her and tells me, "You're the best mom ever" or "I love you five hundred", which is our code for like the ultimate anything. I love that kid so damn much, and I'm proud of the kind of young lady she's turning out to be.
    Looking for the truth about giraffes? http://www.menacinggiraffes.blogspot.com/

  9. #24

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    Quote Originally Posted by Barbaraann
    So my greatest advice is this. Get to know your kids. Spend as much time as you can with them, while they are young, and maybe they will come back and see you when they are older. Sadly, some kids don't.

    Wow. This post really got to me. It reminded me of the book, 'The Giving Tree'. It made me wonder how my parents feel? I am one of eight kids, and we love our parents to death, but we don't always call or make trips. This makes me really glad that I am taking my Mom to DLR for her first trip ever in Sept!

    I have no kids (and I don't have the parts to be a Mom...) but working as a therapist with At Risk Youth, one thing that I see ALL the time is parents who try and be their child's best friend, rather then their child's Mom/Dad. Trust me, kids don't need you to be their friend, they need you to be their parent. Friends won't tell you not to steal, do drugs, or mess up your life, but your parents will. When your kids become adults, that is when the friendship starts, as you are probably already experiencing with your parents.

    I would also like to extend thanks to all the MC Moms, you guys do an amazing job that us guys will never truly understand. The love and affection you give your kids will pay off 100-fold when they get older. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us non-parents, it will help us avoid silly mistakes.

    Respectfully,

    MF

  10. #25

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    Quote Originally Posted by Max Fischer
    Trust me, kids don't need you to be their friend, they need you to be their parent. Friends won't tell you not to steal, do drugs, or mess up your life, but your parents will. When you kids become adults, that is when the friendship starts, as you are probably already experiencing with your parents.
    I so agree with this. You can be their friend to some extent, but in the end, you are the parent. I think in our society a lot of people forget this in their attempts to be closer to their children.
    Looking for the truth about giraffes? http://www.menacinggiraffes.blogspot.com/

  11. #26

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    Oh boy, I could go on and on about my little one. He is just about 3 1/2 now, which is unbelievable. He amazes me every day. He is so smart and sweet and funny. I am more proud of him than I ever imagined I could be of anything.

    Just today I was reading him a book we got at the library last week. We have only read it 4 or 5 times, and he had the entire thing memorized! I couldn't believe it! He is so smart, just like his dad I can already tell.

    He already asks me such deep questions. I am not even sure how far into subjects I should go with a 3 year old. Like the other day he asked where he was while watching some old home movies. I said, "You weren't born yet." He said, "Was I in your tummy?" I said no. He said, "If I wasn't in your tummy, then where was I?" How the heck do you answer that? Then he asked me how I got into his tummy. I didn't think I would be having the birds and the bees talk with my child at age 3!

    I think the most important thing for me is to always be honest with my son. Even down to the smallest things. I want him to be able to trust me no matter what and know that whatever I tell him will always be as true as possible. I never sneak out of the house when he is being babysat without saying goodbye and explaining when we'll be back, I never bribe him with things, especially ones he won't get anyway, I never make promises I can't keep. That is just really important to me as a mom.
    “In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.” -Michael Jackson



  12. #27

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    Quote Originally Posted by Max Fischer
    one thing that I see ALL the time is parents who try and be their child's best friend, rather then their child's Mom/Dad. Trust me, kids don't need you to be their friend, they need you to be their parent. Friends won't tell you not to steal, do drugs, or mess up your life, but your parents will. When your kids become adults, that is when the friendship starts, as you are probably already experiencing with your parents.
    I also agree with this, it does happen way too much. I mean, you are their friend to some extent and I believe you have to be or you'll never relate to them. I do lots of things with my girls that they would do with their friends and I would do with mine. Sit and have long chats, play hide-and-seek, play video and computer games, color, draw, board games, wrestle, etc. But parenting always has to come first. My Dad was always the one out on the playground with us, on the field trips with us, playing board games with us (and he SO cheated, LOL) and that was how I grew up - but he never hesitated to whip our butts and take everything we held dear from us when we needed it. My Mom wasn't like that at all, she was very critical of us all, believed that it just had to be her way no matter if something else made more sense and strong-armed us. When we became teenagers, we fought every step of the way and drove further and further apart. To this day, I can't spend more than 2 days with her and not want to just run away and argue with everything again. And you know what? My neice just moved in with her a few weeks ago and now she's asking ME for parenting advice! Anyway, I learned from my Dad how to be the parent that I want to be and that's what I do. I'm their friend as well as their parent, and the parent always comes first. That's my job. More than my job, that's my life now.

    What I love about kids most is that you get to experience everything for the first time, only this time you are old enough to understand what you are experiencing. I'll never forget my oldest being just a few days old and staring out the car window. I couldn't figure out what caught her attention so well and finally figured out she was staring at the bright blue sky - it was absolutely stunningly beautiful and I hadn't noticed it at all. They really do stop and smell the roses, and every other flower and weed along the way. They love to stop and watch a line of ants on the sidewalk. They find joy in so many little things that we've forgotten about long ago. Like getting on a swing and just going as high as you possibly can - SO much fun still! It's like everytime you hit the highest point, a little more tension falls from you. I know there is a saying that is something like seeing things through the eyes of a child - it's very true!

    Ooh I love those little munchkins!! I can seriously talk on this all day, obviously, LOL!

    "Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
    — Mark Twain





  13. #28

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    Quote Originally Posted by All Aglow
    I also agree with this, it does happen way too much. I mean, you are their friend to some extent and I believe you have to be or you'll never relate to them. I do lots of things with my girls that they would do with their friends and I would do with mine. Sit and have long chats, play hide-and-seek, play video and computer games, color, draw, board games, wrestle, etc. But parenting always has to come first. My Dad was always the one out on the playground with us, on the field trips with us, playing board games with us (and he SO cheated, LOL) and that was how I grew up - but he never hesitated to whip our butts and take everything we held dear from us when we needed it. My Mom wasn't like that at all, she was very critical of us all, believed that it just had to be her way no matter if something else made more sense and strong-armed us. When we became teenagers, we fought every step of the way and drove further and further apart. To this day, I can't spend more than 2 days with her and not want to just run away and argue with everything again. And you know what? My neice just moved in with her a few weeks ago and now she's asking ME for parenting advice! Anyway, I learned from my Dad how to be the parent that I want to be and that's what I do. I'm their friend as well as their parent, and the parent always comes first. That's my job. More than my job, that's my life now.

    What I love about kids most is that you get to experience everything for the first time, only this time you are old enough to understand what you are experiencing. I'll never forget my oldest being just a few days old and staring out the car window. I couldn't figure out what caught her attention so well and finally figured out she was staring at the bright blue sky - it was absolutely stunningly beautiful and I hadn't noticed it at all. They really do stop and smell the roses, and every other flower and weed along the way. They love to stop and watch a line of ants on the sidewalk. They find joy in so many little things that we've forgotten about long ago. Like getting on a swing and just going as high as you possibly can - SO much fun still! It's like everytime you hit the highest point, a little more tension falls from you. I know there is a saying that is something like seeing things through the eyes of a child - it's very true!

    Ooh I love those little munchkins!! I can seriously talk on this all day, obviously, LOL!
    You are so awesome Just thought I'd remind you in case you forgot!



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  14. #29

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    Quote Originally Posted by dsnylndmom
    You are so awesome Just thought I'd remind you in case you forgot!
    Aww, thanks, my dear!!

    "Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
    — Mark Twain





  15. #30

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    Re: Have kids? Let's chat about them here...

    This thread just brings tears to my eye,
    I'm amazed listening to all your stories and listening to you talk about your kids Just from these brief posts, you're all raising loving, caring families. Your kids are lucky to have ya and in return, you'll be blessed with loving families.
    Lots of people forget how lucky they are to have kids and raise a family. You've all figured out that most of us are lucky to get the chance.

    Congrats to all the great mom MC's

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