Here's some fun puns to tickle your funny bone.
1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after
years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of
the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate,
he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll
give you 50,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the
King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied,
"When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
(2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family
were avid bowlers. Many recent historians wondered for which team they were
bowling. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately
destroyed in a fire, thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
(3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted
"Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle
down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
(4) A marine biologist developed a race of
genetically-engineered dolphins that could live forever, if they were fed a
steady diet of seagulls. One day, the biologist's supply of the birds ran
out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two
lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over
them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls
across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
(5) Back in the 1800's, the Tates Watch Company of Boston wanted
to produce other products and, since they already had made many beautiful
cases for watches, they used them to present the handsome compasses. The new
compasses, however, were so bad, that people often ended up in Canada or
Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the origin of the
expression, "He, who has a Tates, is lost!"
(6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all
the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A police spokesperson was quoted
as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
(7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the
medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long,
thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off,
chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the
medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged
and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
(8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and
found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on
complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I
must have taken Leif off my census."
(9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin,
one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All
three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who
slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that: the
squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other