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Thread: Some fun puns

  1. #1

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    Some fun puns

    Here's some fun puns to tickle your funny bone.

    1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after
    years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of
    the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate,
    he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll
    give you 50,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the
    King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied,
    "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."

    (2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family
    were avid bowlers. Many recent historians wondered for which team they were
    bowling. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately
    destroyed in a fire, thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

    (3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted
    "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle
    down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

    (4) A marine biologist developed a race of
    genetically-engineered dolphins that could live forever, if they were fed a
    steady diet of seagulls. One day, the biologist's supply of the birds ran
    out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two
    lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over
    them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls
    across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

    (5) Back in the 1800's, the Tates Watch Company of Boston wanted
    to produce other products and, since they already had made many beautiful
    cases for watches, they used them to present the handsome compasses. The new
    compasses, however, were so bad, that people often ended up in Canada or
    Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the origin of the
    expression, "He, who has a Tates, is lost!"

    (6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all
    the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A police spokesperson was quoted
    as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

    (7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the
    medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long,
    thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off,
    chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the
    medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged
    and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

    (8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and
    found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on
    complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I
    must have taken Leif off my census."

    (9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin,
    one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All
    three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who
    slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that: the
    squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other
    two hides.
    Growing older is manditory
    Growing up is however, optional

  2. #2

    • white and nerdy
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    Jun 2005
    I wanna bowl with the gangsters...

    Re: Some fun puns

    I love puns! In fact, I participated in a pun contest held by the local paper. I sent in my ten best puns, hoping that one of them would take first place. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

    This man named Bob opened up a flower shop, it was his life dream. But across the street was "God's Florists", a shop owned by two friars. No matter what Bob did, he couldn't compete with their prices. He talked to them, his mother talked to them, even his wife talked to him, but the friars didn't care. Finally, Bob hired the town tough man named Hugh to rough them up a little. This worked and the friars closed shop. This just goes to show, Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
    St. Elizabeth, Patron Saint of Themed parks. Protect us from break downs, long lines, and used gum. Amen.

    "Dance like it hurts, love like you need money, and work when people are watching" - Dogbert

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