These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered ď1″ ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. Youíre a big girl. If itís up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You donít hear us complaining about you leaving it down, do you??
1. Sunday sports. Itís like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. Thatís what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you wonít dress like the Victoriaís Secret girls, donít expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think youíre fat, you probably are. Donít ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color! Pumpkin is also a fruit or something. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say ďnothing,Ē We will act like nothingís wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you donít want an answer to, expect an answer you donít want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Donít ask us what weíre thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. (Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really donít mind that? Itís like camping.)