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Thread: adult fairtales

  1. #1

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    adult fairtales

    CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.
    As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m.
    The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
    "Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
    "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
    The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"
    Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, Peter, Peter, something or other..."





    PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
    A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
    Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"




    LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat,
    said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a ..44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."




    MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
    Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."





    SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"



    Did you know...Captain Hook died from jock itch?


    One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged to have sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."
    Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"
    "Just checking for bees," said Tarzan.
    aka Sara




    One of my children
    isn't pictured,

    ABE is still hibernating

  2. #2

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    Re: adult fairtales



    OMG...where did you get those? That's pretty funny stuff.

    TOV


    Hit 'em where it hurts..right in the sales aisle.Help support the 'girl-cotting' of A&F. Pass the word..tell your mom,your sister,your wife and girlfriends.Show your support for women everywhere by supporting the girl-cotting of Abercrombie.

  3. #3

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    Re: adult fairtales

    My Oh My.....lol
    -----------------------------------------------
    DISNEYLAND: Greatest Man-Made Place On Earth

    YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK: Greatest *GOD-Made Place On Earth

  4. #4

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    Re: adult fairtales


    PantheMan--I have to disagree. TEXAS is the greatest god-made place on earth.

    TOV


    Hit 'em where it hurts..right in the sales aisle.Help support the 'girl-cotting' of A&F. Pass the word..tell your mom,your sister,your wife and girlfriends.Show your support for women everywhere by supporting the girl-cotting of Abercrombie.

  5. #5

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    Re: adult fairtales

    TEXAS--- uh... no comment.....lol. I have been to Texas... Ever been to Yosemite?

    and Back on Topic...

    There once was a man from Natucket.
    -----------------------------------------------
    DISNEYLAND: Greatest Man-Made Place On Earth

    YOSEMITE NATIONAL PARK: Greatest *GOD-Made Place On Earth

  6. #6

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    Re: adult fairtales

    Ugh, my mom just announced that she's moving back to that State - and she's not nuts about it either, but her grandkids live there.

    Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe...



  7. #7

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    Re: adult fairtales

    Nice... great.. they make perfect sence...

  8. #8

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    Re: adult fairtales

    ~~~winces ~~~oh the pain Capt Hook must have felt! OUCH!!
    1st Amendment-Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

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    Re: adult fairtales

    I just spit out my Cider, laughing so hard over those.....
    Robert
    B5, Marcus Cole:
    I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair, then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserved them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe........

  10. #10

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    Re: adult fairtales

    Oh my!
    "The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion. " -George Washington

  11. #11

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    Re: adult fairtales

    Love it!

    I actualy tell the Mickey Minnie one a lot.....

    I was cracking up over those
    procrastibating

  12. #12

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    Wink Re: adult fairtales

    I was in an alumni musical production of Into the Woods. This thread reminded me of that production. Very adult but not R-rated.
    Cliff
    WDW '72, '97, '00, '02, '03 '06 '07, '08 DL '98, '05, '10 DLP '00 DCL '09





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