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  1. #31

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    Lightbulb Re: Fifth grade crush....

    Quote Originally Posted by stinkerbell
    Whoa. I'd be a very bad mom if I what? If I take her to an all-school picnic, where I'd be nearby? It's not like I'd TELL her that's why we're going. It's not like it's a date. And letting her go to her sister's soccer practice, knowing that he might be there doesn't seem like it would make me a very bad mom. Watch your tone.



    Like I said, it wouldn't be a "set-up" and she's not requesting to spend time with him outside of school. She just recently admitted to me that she had a crush on him. He's had a crush on her for a year, openly. I'd just be allowing her to see him outside of school under very naturally occurring circumstances, but it would take a bit of effort on my part.



    HELLO? That's not what I said. I would BE there. I would be present. My kids are NOT at ALL raised as as I was. My daughter doesn't ride her bike unsupervised around town, I know the parents of every single one of her friends, my kids don't go somewhere unless it's me taking them, for the most part. I don't even carpool very much, because I like to have my hand in everything they do.

    Ugh, you turned this thread into something not very fun. My daughter is reaching certain milestones and I know there are other parents on MiceChat who can relate, give advice, or commiserate. Apparently, that's not you.


    Sorry, but I just thought it was odd that you feel your 10 yr old daughter needs time outside of school to socialize with a boy she has a crush on. Okay picnics and school related stuff is fine..but when you said it's time she spends time alone..Umm what is that? Am I the only one that thinks this is weird? Apparently I am! . So now I am leaving this thread because it just makes me feel uncomfortable. Bye!

  2. #32

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    Re: Fifth grade crush....

    Quote Originally Posted by HugsForDCA
    Okay picnics and school related stuff is fine..but when you said it's time she spends time alone..Umm what is that? Am I the only one that thinks this is weird? Apparently I am! . So now I am leaving this thread because it just makes me feel uncomfortable. Bye!
    I think what you are referring to what this comment:

    I don't want to go out of my way...it interrupts our family's schedule, but she's also at the age that she needs to have some time away from us and she likes hanging out with him.
    in which case I coud see how it could be misconstrued as her encouraging her daughter to spend time alone with a boy, however you failed to fully understand the remainder of her post which was:

    At the same time, they're so freaking YOUNG. I wouldn't even consider it, if I didn't know his family and openly adore the kid myself.

    What would you do?

    In which case she likely meant that time away would be say a SUPERVISED outing with a member of his family present. That to me is "time away" from her immediate family!!!! Smetimes it's good to read something a couple times before you automatically click the reply button. I knwo I myself read her post at least twice so I understood what Stink was saying. But, that's me...personally I have reading comrehension issues myself.....However, flying off the handle and calling someone a bad parent is not a very nice route to go. IMO
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  3. #33

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    Re: Fifth grade crush....

    All I can say Stink, is that I think you are a really cool Mom- issues like this are not going to go away. They are only going to get bigger and more complicated. This is the time when most of the influence in a child's life comes from their peers, not their parents. Anything a pre-adolescent wants to open up about should be considered a gift.

    She is very lucky that you are concerned about her building good friendships and the foundation you build with her now will carry both of you through the difficult times ahead.

    I grew up in a very conservative Mormon community. All the dates were group dates- everyone knew everyone else and parents were always involved in friendships and relationships. Our group of friends were good kids, we never got in trouble, non of my friends got pregnant or drunk or had to drop out of school, because family was so important. Their parents were not afraid to get involved in their lives. I saw the direct results of more involved parenting and it works. Its hard and uncomfortable, but our country would be a lot better place to be if more parents weren't afraid to get their hands dirty and do what is best for their kids in the long run.

    Good luck my friend!
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  4. #34

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    Re: Fifth grade crush....

    However, flying off the handle and calling someone a bad parent is not a very nice route to go. IMO
    And it will get you little red boxes under your name....

  5. #35

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    Re: Fifth grade crush....

    Hey Stink, just wanted to say that you are one cool mom- it's great to see parents being open with their children and to remember what it was like when "WE" were their age.

    My son is 11 and in the 6th grade, if we don't have any after school activities planned I take both of my kids over to our town park where they meet up with tons of kids from town and I go off to a park bench and read while they all socialize. Like you, it's socializing while mom is not too far off

    Does your daughters school have any 'school dances'? The town I live in has 6 grammar schools (K-8) and some schools sponsers a dance every so many weeks for grades 3-5 and then 6-8. This is a great way for the kids to have supervised fun at this age too.

    this goes out to all the cool moms on this board
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  6. #36

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    Re: Fifth grade crush....

    Quote Originally Posted by HugsForDCA
    Sorry, but I just thought it was odd that you feel your 10 yr old daughter needs time outside of school to socialize with a boy she has a crush on. Okay picnics and school related stuff is fine..but when you said it's time she spends time alone..Umm what is that? Am I the only one that thinks this is weird? Apparently I am! . So now I am leaving this thread because it just makes me feel uncomfortable. Bye!
    It's already been explained to you, but I didn't want them to spend time alone. I've said time together outside of school. That does not mean alone. At naturally occurring locations and times. Where I'd be. But where they could stand around and talk.

    DMof2~~They don't have school dances. They had a year-end sock hop last year and a school carnival. They were during the same week and Courtney was grounded. I went to the carnival and Jordan followed me around like a puppy dog, asking about Courtney and teasing my seven year old. And since she didn't get to go to the sock hop, I'm not sure what that's all about, but I know parents stay for the whole thing. It's not like you drop the kids off. I guess I'll find out this spring.

    When they get to middle school, the thing to do is drop the kids at the community center on Friday nights. I'm not actually that cool with it, but we go swimming as a family those nights and I've seen the kids and they behave really well. Basically the kids stand around and talk. Have snacks. Some go swimming or play basketball. Parents come get them by about 9 p.m.

    I remember when I was in fifth or sixth grade, we'd go to the skating rink. Or the mall. Or we had this big sportscomplex and everyone's practices were at the same time and we'd hang out there. We had school dances. At the end of fifth grade, two teachers used to rent a tour bus and take a group of kids from North Carolina to Washington DC, then to Pennsylvania to Amish country. I think we spent three nights away from home.

    Anyway, we had SO many opportunities to socialize. I learned a lot and had so much fun. But these days, it's not that easy. You have to watch your kids 24-7. It's hard to grow up in a vacuum. But they don't know any different. I do, though. I think it would suck to only see kids at school. But since she doesn't know any different (except her close girl friends, I mean--they see each other all the time outside of school), she doesn't ask and she doesn't know what's she's missing. It's all about making memories and growing up. Slowly.

  7. #37

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    Re: Fifth grade crush....

    Quote Originally Posted by stinkerbell
    Slowly.

    You can say that again....

    Slowly!!

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  8. #38

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    Re: Fifth grade crush....

    Quote Originally Posted by stinkerbell
    What I love about their grade is that they don't revere the jerky kids with attitude. The most "popular" kids are the nicest kids with good grades (or at least who have positive attitudes and try hard). The bully boys and the gossipy girls are not the best liked kids with this group. I'm happy to say that both Jordan and Courtney are very well-liked. I love their grade! I know things will change in middle school, but for now, this group is just about perfect.
    This makes SUCH a difference. As you know, Kyler was having tons of socialization problems last year at his old school. It was the opposite there, the "good kids, good grades, helpful, school spirited" were the "unpopular" kids there. The "popular" ones were the ones that were always in trouble. Even Kyler used to say "this school is so backwards!"
    Now that we've moved the attitude is more like the one at your school. The "popular" kids are popular for a reason, they are good in their classes, they are active at school and generally good kids. The parents WANT to do things at the school here, volunteer etc.
    The school supports school spirit and school activites. It makes a HUGE difference! Kyler is happier and more confident here within the first 3 weeks than he was after 5 years at the old school. It makes me regret not moving sooner!!



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  9. #39

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    Re: Fifth grade crush....

    Wow, I hear you!! I'm so happy for Kyler! It made a huge difference when we moved here, too.

    I first heard of our school when it made the local news. The school was up for closure by the school board (it's small), and it was all over the TV, because the parents banded together, showed up at every school board meeting, they wrote to The Oregonian, they invited reporters to the classroom. It's an excellent school, the kids excel in every area. The parents raise money for art and music. Parents fund the PE teacher and the librarian. We volunteer in the classroom, we cover for the school secretary when she takes lunch (!), we take care of the grounds. It's truly a neighborhood school and the kids are awesome. I knew I wanted to be a part of the school, so we moved right into the neighborhood!

    But you never know how kids will adjust when you move. I'm just so glad that it's a great thing for Kyler!

  10. #40

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    Re: Fifth grade crush....

    Wow your school sounds WONDERFUL!!! I can understand why you totally pushed to get into the neighborhood. What a fantastic opportunity for the girls!
    Kyler and Shawn's school has only been open for 4 years this year, so it's still pretty small. It's great though because they are going to get to do things *I* did in school this year that the old school NEVER allowed. Simple things like:
    Halloween Parties
    Halloween Parade
    Christmas Parties
    Spirit Weeks
    "Patriot Days"
    Christmas Production
    They were NEVER allowed to do that stuff at their old school!! I'm happy that at least Shawn will have alot of time at the school.



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  11. #41

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    Re: Fifth grade crush....

    Quote Originally Posted by stinkerbell
    Snort! I had to read that a few times. Hahaha!
    Goal #1 accomplished.

    Quote Originally Posted by stinkerbell
    I never had a particularly cool relationship with either of them. I couldn't tell them everything. I don't want that with my own daughter.
    Just keep in mind that you're also a mom, not just a "friend." You're walking the fine line.
    "Here You Leave the World of California Today and Enter the World of, um, er, California Today."

  12. #42

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    Re: Fifth grade crush....

    Quote Originally Posted by sediment
    Just keep in mind that you're also a mom, not just a "friend." You're walking the fine line.
    Um, yeah. If you knew me, you'd know I'm a mom, not a friend. I'm actually a bit too over-protective. My kids don't get a lot of space or freedom. I'm on them like white on rice.

    So....no....I'm definitely on the parent side of the line. I'm just excited that she's opening up lately. And I want to further encourage that new part of our relationship, but on my terms.

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