Fifth grade crush....

[stinkerbell]

I'm wondering what to do about my fifth grader, Courtney. This boy, Jordan, likes her, adores her openly. All his friends know. All their parents know. Everyone knows. He's not even embarrassed about it.

He's a great kid. Really really nice. He has a brother and sister in Cassidy's grade, so between their three kids, I know the parents fairly well.

All three of my daughters have a gimongous crush on him. Courtney...it took her a while to acknowledge that she was crushing on him, too. And now she talks about him quite a bit, gives me updates on who likes him, and how their friends will try to get him to like them, blah, blah, blah.

I'm wondering....should I make an effort to take her places I know he'll be? For example, the school picnic. I don't want to go (interferes with soccer practice) and it'll be a big scheduling/driving pain. But he might be there. Should I make an extra effort to go, so she can socialize with him out of class? She also wants to go to her sister's soccer practices and hang out (I usually drop, since parking is a nightmare and it's right when I'm making dinner) because he's there for his siblings' practices. I would have to stay, too.

I don't want to go out of my way...it interrupts our family's schedule, but she's also at the age that she needs to have some time away from us and she likes hanging out with him.

At the same time, they're so freaking YOUNG. I wouldn't even consider it, if I didn't know his family and openly adore the kid myself.

What would you do?

[Cuzco-topia]

Geez...if it were my parents? Lock me up for the rest of the school year!

I suppose it all depends on your ideas of boy/girl socializing...and then dating.

[dsnylndmom]

Sounds like a question for Evilfer!!! Since daughterdisneyfer has probably gone through it.

I don't think I would disrupt the family schedule though, that's just me. I think I would maybe give her extra time and a little space at events that they are both at, but I don't think I'd go out of our way(but I'm lazy like that )

Kyler's already done with his 1st crush this year, it was a quick one! LOL! But he has admitted that he has had "girl dreams" this year already!

[Princess Buttercup]

Originally Posted by stinkerbell

I'm wondering....should I make an effort to take her places I know he'll be? For example, the school picnic. I don't want to go (interferes with soccer practice) and it'll be a big scheduling/driving pain. But he might be there. Should I make an extra effort to go, so she can socialize with him out of class? She also wants to go to her sister's soccer practices and hang out (I usually drop, since parking is a nightmare and it's right when I'm making dinner) because he's there for his siblings' practices. I would have to stay, too.

I don't want to go out of my way...it interrupts our family's schedule, but she's also at the age that she needs to have some time away from us and she likes hanging out with him.

At the same time, they're so freaking YOUNG. I wouldn't even consider it, if I didn't know his family and openly adore the kid myself.

What would you do?

I personally wouldn't make any extra effort to get the two of them together. If they see each other at school and their interactions are age appropriate...great! If they happen to see each other at activities outside school and their interactions are age appropriate ....again...great!!

I think 5th grade is a little young to be actively pursuing any kind of romance and I even think in middle school boys and girls should spend time together in groups, not one on one. But I'm pretty old-fashioned.

[Tinkerbelle]

That's a tough one Stink...Our girls are close in age and I have no idea what I'll do when K admits she has a crush...(were living in denial and I'm fine with that for now)

I guess maybe go the extra mile on occasion but not every time...maybe stay for one or two practices but not all of them...

and to what Cuzco said, how do you feel about boy/girl socializing/dating
(for the record I think they are to young to date...but group things...????...I don't know yet)

boy I'm absolutly no help at all...aren't you glad you read all this?

How 'bout I sympathise and wish I could offer you some advice..Your going to be paving the way for a lot of us on this issue I think....

(a lot of 10 and 11 yr olds around here)

BTW this terrifies me...my 'baby' will be 11 in 3 weeks....I had my first kiss at 11....oh boy, (we were playing hide and seek.....somehow i doubt that helped...sorry)

[dsnylndmom]

Originally Posted by Tinkerbelle

boy I'm absolutly no help at all...aren't you glad you read all this?

Okay this CRACKED ME UP

Originally Posted by Tinkerbelle

BTW this terrifies me...my 'baby' will be 11 in 3 weeks....I had my first kiss at 11....oh boy, (we were playing hide and seek.....somehow i doubt that helped...sorry)

Can't help but derail, I can so relate!!! My baby turns 11 TOMORROW and when I think of the things *I* did in 6th grade I shudder!

[All Aglow]

Oh my, already crushing... and winning his attentions over all those others :devil:

But anyway, I was also going to say that I wouldn't go out of your way and disrupt your family schedule just so they can spend time together. However, I would probably be tempted to let her plan a little get together and invite him - a group thing, of course. Maybe a movie, the mall, just hanging out at the house. That's just me, though. At this age, I'm thinking it is all pretty innocent and I would view it as more of a friendship than a romance that they are pursuing. I'm an extremely laid back Mom, though, so most probably wouldn't share my view points.

[dramaqueen]

I think encouraging her to persue him will ensure that she feels open and will talk with you about similar things in the future- in this day and age, its important that she knows that she can talk to you about boys, so as long as you can supervise, its probably a good idea to let them hang out. But, like the others, I wouldn't go out of my way or disrupt my life to make it happen.

Oh, and my parents would have locked me up, romance was not encouraged in our house, that's for sure!

[Cuzco-topia]

Originally Posted by dramaqueen

Oh, and my parents would have locked me up, romance was not encouraged in our house, that's for sure!

DITTO! In fact....my dad didn't know about Jeremy until many YEARS later...after i graduated college. THAT'S how bad my parent's were regarding dating.

[Grumpy4]

So I guess asking "What Would Claire Do?" is out in this case.

And if you like this kid, maybe you should help in "coincidental meetings".

[stinkerbell]

The last thing I want is for her to clam up and not tell me anything, so I'd rather encourage some time together, than have her plan things behind my back. One of her friends lives next door to him, for example. I'd hate for her to plan to spend time at her friend's house, just so she can see Jordan. I'd rather do something I can supervise that's also not a date or group date situation. Something that would naturally occur and not be too much of a pain to supervise.

I was lucky when I was her age. My crushes were friends with my neighbor/best guy friend, so they were always around. Plus my girl friends lived near most of my young crushes, so there were always opportunities to hang out. Plus, our parents never paid attention to where we were, so we were in and out of other people's houses all the time. My daughter doesn't have that freedom. We also had school dances starting in fifth grade.

And yes, by sixth grade, kissing was happening in our social group. Boy/girl parties, dances, group dates, the skating rink, in sixth grade. In seventh grade, we had school dances PLUS we all joined the "cotillion" at the country club, so we had four semi-formals, too.

I just don't want her to be sneaky or not tell me things. It took her a loooong time to start opening up to me. She used to get SO embarrassed about everything. Every teeny tiny little thing was mortifying to her. It's just been the last six months that she's relaxed and truly told me what's happening at school, with her friends, who likes who, etc.

Thank you everyone!!

[MTNGIRL]

ahh stink, its the start of that tough time...
With my boy, I was big on the supervised activities. I never went out of the way to interrupt schedules for girls, but, I did make our house the "house". My house was always open to all my son's friends, boys or girls. I always had snacks and drinks, we had movies and games (pinball, pool table and every video game imaginable). It was great, it didn't disrupt our schedule much and I always knew where the kids were and that they were supervised.
I really think this helped my relationship with my son. I really knew his friends and what girls he was crushing on. I didn't have to pry for info because I was seeing alot of it 1st hand. It s that fun time where you have to prove you won't overreact to new situations and that you respect their privacy.
Just be careful not to become to attached to the young suitor within your family. Chances are this crush won't last forever and you don't want to be bugging her about what happened with Jordan, he was really nice.
Good Luck, the fun is just beginning!

[Nephythys]

yeah- freaky for me......I can't wait

Rose is already coming home and telling me about her "boyfriends" plural.....and she is only 5!

[HugsForDCA]

Originally Posted by stinkerbell

This boy, Jordan, likes her, adores her openly. All his friends know. Everyone knows.

He's a great kid. Really really nice. .

All three of my daughters have a gimongous crush on him.

I'm wondering....should I make an effort to take her places I know he'll be? Should I make an extra effort to go, so she can socialize with him out of class?

... but she's also at the age that she needs to have some time away from us and she likes hanging out with him.

What would you do?

Oh my god!! I would buy her a Barbie doll and tell her to enjoy her childhood while she still can!! You're a very bad mom if you let her do that!! She's in 5th grade!!! This would be okay if she was, like,in maybe 10th Grade!! Not 5th Grade.
Boys will come later and she will have plenty of time for them. I mean, she's not even a teenager! It's okay to have crushes at that age , I guess. Tell her she can spend time with him at school, but not "socializing" out of class because that would be just Very Wrong.

[Tinkerbelle]

Hugs...
I don't think 5th grade is too young for crushes...I had my first crush in 3rd grade (yes I have always been boy crazy)
and stink wasn't suggesting her daughter dating yet...just socializing.

I think the feeling behind the question is her keeping communication with her daughter and allowing her to grow up (but not too quickly) hence why we all ask one anothers' advice. As a mom it's hard to let go and step back letting your children do things on there own and knowing where that line is. We help each other and support one another around here.