What would you do?

[OogieBoogie]

I have a question for all the MiceChatters, but first let me give you some background on my situation.

2 nights ago at 11:30, I get a text from an aquaintance of Liz's and mine named Rita Mae. The text says 'Good bye forever. Much Love'. This confused Liz and I since we aren't that close to this person (We've only been around her about 6 times). We tried calling her to see what this message was about, but we got no answer.

We then called a mutual friend of ours and hers named Lettice. She hadn't gotten this text, but was worried by it, so we all went over to Rita Mae's home to see what was going on. We got no answer despite knocking and ringing her bell for about 15 minutes. We didn't have a key to get in, and there was little else we could do, so Liz and I went home and went to bed, thinking we would try again the next day.

Yesterday morning Lettice goes back over to Rita Mae's and finds that Rita Mae decided to take every single pill in her house (or so Rita Mae says). Rita Mae was ok, but still doped up when she went to work (She's a nurse supervisor btw so you can only imagine what all she's got at her place).

After checking around we found that Liz and I are the only ones that got the 'good bye' message, and Rita Mae is refusing to talk about what she did with anyone, even her best friends.

So what would you guys do in this case?

The thought of just telling her to get help and don't call us with this garbage anymore has entered my mind, but I guess I'm too compassionate of a person because I'm not pressing the issue and trying to think of ways I can help. She lost her b/f recently and she's thinking about leaving her job for self employment (she's not sure what she wants to do though). The only thing really stopping me though is that I've spent most of my life dealing with people like this.. people who don't want to be helped and are just wanting attention, and you can't help anyone who doesn't want to be helped.

Thoughts?

[Stitchy]

Personally.....I'm a little disturbed that this lady got "all doped up" and went to her job as a nursing supervisor. To me, that is endangering people's lives. If she wants to end her own life....fine. But, you shouldn't mess with other people's lives in your moments of stupidity. On the same note...she had to get to work. Maybe she rides a bus or takes a cab...that's great. But, my guess is...she drove to work in that "doped" altered state. THAT is something I can't tolerate. The moment she got behind that wheel...she was endangering people.

What's even more shocking...is that, she would take both of these steps in endangering people's lives and well being...when she is a nurse. Aren't nurses supposed to be more concerned with HELPING and HEALING...than, possibly hurting and killing?

If it was me...I would have called the cops on her the moment I found out she had gone to work like that. I can understand if she needs help. And by all means...she should get it. But, that is no excuse for the way she acted. As a nurse, she should know better. Should have behaved better.

I think you should be finding out who her family is...and contacting them. If you can't find family. Call the police. The least they will do is put her on suicide watch in a hospital. Maybe then she can get the help she needs.

[sunnygirl]

I would definitely be making her close friends and family aware of the situation. It may just be a ploy for attention, but it may not, and if it's not, you don't want it on your conscience that you knew something and did nothing.

[kimbaloo05]

Sounds like shes in need of attention, dont you think!

[Sambo]

What would I do? I'd let it go. My life is too short to worry about and deal with the drama of others. I have spent all my life figuring out who I am and what my place in the world is - I have neither time or resources to help someone else figure it out. There are professionals out there who do that.

Yes, I may be an a$$hole, but what I said is true. This person needs professional help - not yours. The best you can do is get them to that help.

[aimster]

This sounds like a total cry for help.

[Jazzman]

Don't let yourself be baited into someone else's obviously drama laden life. Notify her family, and since she's a nurse, I'd notify her employer so that nobody innocent dies as a result of her lack of good judgment. Then, wash your hands of the situation. If this was a family member or dear, lifelong friend then it would be different, but it's not, so you're at risk of being terribly taken advantage of. Cover your bases, then look out for you.

[Roo719]

The mere fact she notified you means she wanted help, she needed to talk about something, she didn't want to die--she wanted you guys, someone to pay attention to her.

She could have not contacted you as well.

Secondly, to go to work 'doped up' means she didn't follow through, that she was lying about taking drugs in the amount she mentioned. She'd be dead if she wanted it profusely enough. But going to work in an altered state meant that people would ask "what's up?" frequently, and she could say, "oh nothing" whilst still feeling content with the fact that people do care for her.

Ignore her? Not get caught up in the drama? Well, depends on your measure your friendship with her. I agree, don't play the game by her rules--be frank with your discussions with her and talk to her about why she needs more attention. Discuss what you will do if this happens again. Don't ignore her, per se. Ignore the attention-seeking behavior.

Remember, you cannot control others-only yourselves.

You can recommend therapy, which is profoundly evident. But in the end, it is a decision she has to make. Suicides follow a specific pattern. The giving away of valuables, sudden contentment at making a final decision, that kinda stuff. Didn't sound like she had suicide really on the brain.

Sounds like she might have a borderline personality disorder or even bipolar. Again, if this friend is important enough to you and yours, then read up and learn a bit.

My bestest friend in the entire planet is profoundly bipolar--but he is my friend. I have learned about his situation and tried my best to understand where his brain comes from. He sometimes hits a rock and cannot get around it-so having someone on his side helps. At the same time, I've called him on occasion with my petty aggravations, and he has consistently pulled through for me.

In fact, after a recent bout, my husband and I kidnapped him and took him to Walt Disney World. Within twenty four hours, on Sunset Blvd, I pointed out to him..."Dude! Where's you illness now?"

"I guess, I guess I'm not sick here."

He realized that problems can and will go away. Then we rode Twilight Zone Tower of Terror 10 more times.

Peace out and good luck!
Roo

[sunnygirl]

Some of the responses in this thread really make me feel angry and sad. This, IMO, illustrates part of what makes the world a sick place today. It's all good to "not want to be involved in someone else's drama", but when that "drama" extends to someone trying to take their own life, I feel you (general you) MUST get involved somehow. I don't mean talk her down, or personally enmesh yourself in the middle of it, but I feel you're (general you, again) OBLIGATED to say something to someone who may be closer to the situation and thus more able to make a difference. I, personally, would feel morally obligated to tell someone. That way, if she does (God forbid) take her own life or injure herself seriously, you know in your heart you did what you could.

[I Heart Disneyland]

I had two family members kill themselves. Neither called and left messages, or left notes, etc. They just DID IT. When a person does this type of thing, it's a cry for help. They should get the help, but, you aren't responsible for getting this person help. If you know a family member, or, the friend who you contacted, have them contact a family member. The person probably should be on a leave through work for mental help. She can enter a facility and get help, and, still keep her job. If she keeps up this way, she could lose her license as a nurse, which would add a whole lot more trouble to the picture.

[SusieP.]

Nobody thought to call the police? They could have taken her to the ER and kept her for observation. I wouldn't have walked away until I could be assured that responsibility had officially changed hands. Yeah, maybe it required a little more work in the first place, but then I'd be guilt free, knowing that I did all I could to help.

I hope she didn't cause any damage while she was at work. I couldn't sit on that information, especially knowing what kind of job she has. Hopefully she got busted at work.

[elly]

this woman, imho, is in no shape to be working as a nurse. being a nurse myself i can't imagine trying to care for critically ill people while impaired, and she can and should lose her nursing liscence for reporting to work while still "doped up"

if you cannot get her family to do something to get her help, which obviously she needs, then i would call the police and report her situation as a wellfare check type case.

under NO circumstances should this woman be working, its situations like this that give nurses a bad name:|