By Thejoshualee: The small Medium at large.
Aries March 21 - April 19
You will alienate yourself this week with your constant badgering that badger is the more deserving character for his own ride. Although it’s true that he would never go to hell, you underestimate people’s love of Mr. Toad.
Taurus April 20 - May 20
What happens in Anaheim will actually follow you home and requires the use of a special shampoo and a tiny comb.
Gemini May 21 - June 21
A sudden epiphany will land on you this week: The dipping sauce does not make that much of a difference on the churro.
Cancer June 22 - July 22
The jungle cruse will leave you feeling alone and bitter. No matter how scared you act that dang skipper will never let you wear his hat.
Leo July 23 - August 22
After scientifically understanding how to get the very most out of your fast pass day, you are disappointed when the crowds are actually quite light.
Virgo August 23 - September 22
The Pixarifacation of Disneyland continues unabated, but you don’t really care. You go to Disneyland for the shopping.
Libra September 23 - October 23
You will find sudden and intense love this week, only to be disappointed when you discover that Snow White is paid to make everyone feel special. Stupid Tramp.
Scorpio October 24 - November 21
The joy and triumph of finally remembering all the lines on the Haunted Mansion will be ruined by the cretins surrounding you who don’t understand art.
Sagittarius November 22 - December 21
The gator on splash mountain, although asking to be takin' along, will break if you rip him from his foundation. Don’t do it.
Capricorn December 22 - January 19
After years of careful planning, you will get your first glimpse of Disneyland’s back stage. You will see a tray of plants and a sign reminding cast members to check their name tag. Awesome!
Aquarius January 20 - February 18
The meaning behind Snow White’s Scary Adventure will come rushing to you in a moment of prophetic brilliance, only to vanish a second later.
Pisces February 19 - March 20
As you have fun in Disneyland this week, you must remember to call the attractions by their proper names. No one there will understand you if you ask how long the wait for Iasm is.