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To all my Irish and Non-Irish friends:
Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty
years, but he will kill any man who does.
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Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's
very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.
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The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often
among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy
opponent.
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An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an
Irishman a question, he answers with another question?" "Who told you
that?" asked Paddy.
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Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple? Answer - So the English can
understand them.
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Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and
announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I
can keep the money?"
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Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."
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Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the
vase on the mantle piece?" "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all
the time."
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What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? A bachelor.
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Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the
morning. I can't break her of it. Keenan; What on earth is she doin' at
that time? Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.
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Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said. "Send an
ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!" "Tell me, is this her first
baby?" the intern asked. "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."
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"O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your
wife's appearance?" "It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin'
off!"
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Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their
honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?
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My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life
and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights
of theirs?
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Father Guffy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners: "The drink has
killed millions-- it rots their stomachs and they die in agony. Smoking has
killed millions--it coats your lungs and you die in agony. Overeating and
consorting with loose women have also killed millions..." 'Scuse me,
Father," hollered Reagan from the back, "but what is it that kills the
people who live right?
Originally Posted by LightBeer 
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