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Thread: Irish Jokes

  1. #1

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    Irish Jokes

    To all my Irish and Non-Irish friends:

    Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty
    years, but he will kill any man who does.

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    Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's
    very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

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    The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often
    among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy
    opponent.

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    An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an
    Irishman a question, he answers with another question?" "Who told you
    that?" asked Paddy.

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    Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple? Answer - So the English can
    understand them.

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    Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and
    announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I
    can keep the money?"

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    Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"
    Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."

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    Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in the
    vase on the mantle piece?" "No," said himself, "but I'm gettin' closer all
    the time."

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    What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife? A bachelor.

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    Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two o'clock in the
    morning. I can't break her of it. Keenan; What on earth is she doin' at
    that time? Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home.

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    Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said. "Send an
    ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!" "Tell me, is this her first
    baby?" the intern asked. "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."

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    "O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve your
    wife's appearance?" "It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin'
    off!"

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    Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their
    honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

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    My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life
    and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights
    of theirs?

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    Father Guffy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners: "The drink has
    killed millions-- it rots their stomachs and they die in agony. Smoking has
    killed millions--it coats your lungs and you die in agony. Overeating and
    consorting with loose women have also killed millions..." 'Scuse me,
    Father," hollered Reagan from the back, "but what is it that kills the
    people who live right?

  2. #2

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    Re: Irish Jokes

    I don't know anyone named Quinn.

  3. #3

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    Re: Irish Jokes

    Did you guys here about the gay irish couple, Aaron Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzaaron.
    I find it hard
    It's hard to find
    Oh well, whatever, nevermind

  4. #4

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    Re: Irish Jokes

    BTW, I'm Irish and I must say that just by creating a thread about being Irish, you should no longer be allowed in the SMCA.
    I find it hard
    It's hard to find
    Oh well, whatever, nevermind

  5. #5

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    Re: Irish Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by LightBeer
    BTW, I'm Irish and I must say that just by creating a thread about being Irish, you should no longer be allowed in the SMCA.
    I'm part irish, part scottish.. I'm allowed.. untill i turn 21...

  6. #6

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    Re: Irish Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by LightBeer
    Did you guys here about the gay irish couple, Aaron Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzaaron.
    I know some named Patrick Fitzsomething, so this is cracking me up.

    Ah, to be Irish.

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