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  1. #1

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    Just Heartbroken

    My sweet, kind, smart mother-in-law is about to leave this world and I am heartbroken. No this is not a mother-inlaw joke. Cancer sucks! She was in her 5th round of chemo, to be followed by radiation, to be followed by a trip to Disnyland in Feb for all of us. We wanted her to get through all of her treatment and get some strength back. When she was in the hospital the nurse asked her what year it was and she said 1905. So they quickly ran tests and found it was in her brain. Her very good outcome was changed to 4-12 months with radiation. She was going to start radiation last week, but took another turn for the worst. She is now at home with Hospice. They say a few days to a week. Trying to explain this to a 4 year old is hard. She asked me if Heaven was a nice place and would Jesus take all of Nana's "sicks" away. I said yes, and then she tells me "oh ok Nana can go to Heaven, and then come back to go to Disnyland with us." I do not want her to link Nana's death and Disneyland. Has anyone had to explain this to a child before?
    "You can't judge a book by its cover."
    "No, but you can tell how much it is going to cost."

  2. #2

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    Re: Just Heartbroken

    As I've never experienced this, I have no advice for you. I just wanted to say you have my deepest sympathies.

  3. #3

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    Re: Just Heartbroken

    I'm not really sure how to put it into biblical sense, but I can tell you how we treated the death of my sister in laws father last year and how we explained it to my oldest nephew who was 7 at the time. We told him that his grandfather went to go see his mommy and daddy because he missed them. He won't be able to come over any more because his mommy and daddy live far away, but so long as you remember him and keep him in your heart, he will always be with you.

    I am truely sorry to hear about your loss. .

    hugs.
    Growing older is manditory
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  4. #4

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    Re: Just Heartbroken

    I have no advice to offer about the child, as I have none of my own... but having been through far too many of these situations, having to say goodbye to people in this way, you have my sympathies and support.

    Sending you ultra-positive vibes...




  5. #5

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    Re: Just Heartbroken

    I'm terribly sorry to hear about you Mother In Law. The following Hospice website has some guidance for dealing with children and death:

    http://www.hospicenet.org/html/talking.html

  6. #6

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    Re: Just Heartbroken

    Just a little overflow from the hug thread for you....
    -Tim

  7. #7

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    Re: Just Heartbroken


  8. #8

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    Re: Just Heartbroken

    My thoughts go out to you and your family poohnpiglet.

  9. #9

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    Re: Just Heartbroken

    I'm so sorry, having lost a father to cancer I can understand the pain you are going through. My heart goes out to you and your family.


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    Re: Just Heartbroken

    Oh, I am so very sorry for your mother in law and for all of you who love her so much. I will be praying for you all and for your child who does not understand. Its hard for us adults to even understand the pain and saddness is the worst, but childen have there own pain to understand..Just know I am praying for your mother in law and all of you as you go thru this very sad time. I hope you are all praying with her as she goes thru this so she has peace.Take care **Karla

  11. #11

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    Re: Just Heartbroken

    I think that you need to be as completely honest to her, regarding what will happen. That God will take all of Nana's sick away, but that he'll also keep her up there so that he can constantly take care of her. But that Nana wants you all to go to Disneyland to enjoy her memory and celebrate her sickness being gone. Who knows, maybe her relationship to Disney will only intensify, making it an extra special place for her.


    BTW, I'm very sorry to hear of this. My father is currently undergoing his chemotherapy treatments as well, and I know how quickly things can go from good to bad.

  12. #12

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    Re: Just Heartbroken

    oh my, my heart goes out to you and your family, you are all in my prayers.

    as far as advice with your baby...I do have a little experience with this, though not as a parent...many years ago when my grandpa passed away from cancer I had to explain it to one of my little cousins (I was only a kid myself-14...boy that was hard)

    I told him that grandpa went to heaven to go see god and the angels, and that he would be very happy there, but would not be able to come back here to see us.
    I also told him we could think of him and remember him when ever we want and he would always be with us in our hearts.
    I remember he asked if we could see him and I told him no not until it was time for us to live with god, but that would be a very long time from now, we we are all grown up and old...but that grandpa would wait for us.

    that seememd to work, I hope it helps you. (I know the explanation I gave to my little cousin helped me deal with the situation too.)
    procrastibating

  13. #13

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    Re: Just Heartbroken

    So sorry to hear - no experience with the kids - just being as honest and sweet with them sounds like the best plan, though.
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  14. #14

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    Re: Just Heartbroken

    So sorry to hear My children have had to deal with death a few times with close family members. Their 9 month old cousin past away when they were 4 & 8 years old. Then last Christmas (ages 6 & 10) their Nana past away and we had to bury her on Xmas Eve. It's never an easy thing to deal with but be honest and be simple. I think it's good to tell them that their loved one is now an angel and watching over them every day.

    I will keep you and your family in my prayers during this time of passage.
    ~~~~~~

  15. #15

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    Re: Just Heartbroken

    Less than two years ago a very close grandmother of mine died from lung cancer. She was diagnosed the previous summer. I know how you feel right now, and it helps to be alone some times, but remember, keep talking to people! Same with the kids, make sure they get out and see their friends and such. Nothing is worse than having a grandmother die AND being cooped up in a house with nothing to do! Anyway, just hang in there, it'll work out.
    ...a vaguely celtic music fills the air...

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