Sorry, I just gotta rant
Issue 1: There are so many blacks and other people of color in the parks. When did this fascination begin? I used to nod knowingly at my fellow pale males during the more racially funny parts of attractions such as the Jungle Cruise, but now those days are gone.
Issue 2: Them characters are H-O-T hot! They are so damned hot that I can’t hardly handle myself.
Issue 3: The Tiki room looks okay, but some of those totems keep rolling their eyes at me. After the show my five year old rolled his eyes at me mimicking the totems. Please! If Disney can’t make characters that are okay for my five year old to mimic, then don’t make characters at all!
Issue 4: I don’t really enjoy standing in line. They should do something about that
Issue 6: November 1963 "Face-To-Face With...The Lizard!" Valued at $2,700 (Near Mint)
Issue 7: There is so much sex in Disneyland! Just about every attraction has to do with sex. Like Pirates of the Caribbean. Why are those women being sold? So the pirates can have sex with them! Why are the pirates chasing the women? So they can eat their food before they have sex with them! It’s not just that either. The overt sexual nature in rides such as Thunder Mountain, Star Tours, and The Mark Twain is as offensive as it is imaginable. I can’t go there with out thinking about sex the whole time.
Issue 8: I like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. That frog got what was coming to him.
Issue 9: What’s with all the non-Mickey characters? I saw Chip, Dale, Minnie, Max, Rafiki, Aladdin, Goofy, Donald, The Abominable Snowman, Some Robot Guy, and a host of others, but only saw Mickey once! If Disney wants to keep me happy they need to make sure all the characters and rides are only based of off the mouse that started it all.
Issue 10: I couldn’t help but notice that everything is freshly painted and the grass and flowers are all nicely trimmed. I wish they would just leave the place alone so it is just as I remember it from my childhood of 1985.
Issue 11: Those poor kids in Small World, you know the three playing musical instruments? They grow up to be pirates. That’s not good.
Issue 12: The Oedipus logical connotations of shooting Buzz Lightyear’s Father with a phallic-symbol gun is appreciated, yet inappropriate to the attraction’s main customer focus. And I can’t get past level 3.
Issue 13: Those Dancers in the parade are so freakin’ HOT!!! To borrow a chestnut from my Hebrew brothers, Oi Vey! Trust me. I am SO not a Homosexual Gay. I like the women. And the occasional effeminate man, but not in THAT way. Well, I like the GIRLS in that way… You know what I mean. Go Strait Boys!! Woo Freakin’ Hoo!
Issue 14: The rumor that the Mormons are buying Disneyland troubles me. Sure, they can handle a rapidly growing church with membership in the ten millions, but I don’t know if they have that special “Magic” that Disney needs, plus, they have been known to occasionally renovate a building. That‘s not the absurd focus on the past that I want with Disneyland. The Scientologists could make a good owner, but them folks can be just weird. Perhaps the Baptists could buy Disneyland. They would at least put an end to the effeminate dancing.
Issue 15: I really liked that bench in Critter Country that is in front of a tree. More of Disneyland should be like that.
Remember: Parody is a high form of compliment