(Drum Roll - Lights - Sweeping shot of golden statue)
Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together as MiceChat and the world celebrate the 2000th post of the Dusty Sage with the "The Golden Dusty Awards".
Tonight's program is directed Woody Allen and choreographed by Debbie Allen .
(break for dancing water and ballet number)
And now, the one and only DustySage:
Hello everyone and welcome to the 2005 Golden Dusty Awards. Tonight's awards commemorate my 2000th post. It is hard for me to believe that this site is only 9 months old. It seems like we have been here forever with some members in the 5000 post range. For me, the last year has been a sort of dream. We have lots of exciting things up our collective sleeve for our second year that we think will help keep you entertained and addicted to the site. All we can tell you is that E=MC2 where you gain much and (oh never mind, just read the darn thread)
Tonight's show features some of the most famous and infamous MiceChatters in the world. Since there are only a few awards tonight, most will not be recognized for their outstanding achievements. However, it is an honor just to be alive and breathing. We also apologize to those who were accosted on the red carpet by Joan Rivers and her little dog Melissa.
(Break for commercial - Music swell - lights dim - shot of golden dusty)
Welcome back, and now the first award of the evening:
Most outrageous comedy in a dramatic thread: Tui
(Tui bounds to the podium, is kissed by two beautiful girls in sparkly gold sequin Bob Mackie dresses)
Most dramatic posting in a comedy thread: Escape
(Escape is passed over the heads of the audience toward the stage but is accidentally dropped by Crazylegs)
Most Thought provoking posting in the morning and evening hours: Barbaraann
(Barbaraann starts a post before leaving for the stage, but falls asleep. No worries, she wakes up soon enough with another thread and picks up her award from the morning janitor)
(Cue Superman number. 20 young men in tight pants and Superman capes perform an aerial number inspired by Mel Torme music)
Dusty: Wow, that was inspiring. You know what else is inspiring? The following four Dusty Award winners!
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain award: Monorail Man
(Dusty begins to explain the many ways in which Monorail Man is the technical genius behind MiceChat - Monorail Man enters from behind the MiceChat control panel and the site immediately crashes)
(Page can not be displayed error - Cut to commercial until site comes back up)
Always on connection award: DramaQueen
(DramaQueen is unable to accept her award because she is too busy posting)
Most reformed troll award: (A grunt is heard in the audience, then a scream. Lights fall. A struggle is taking place in the audience. It is unclear who is fighting with whom or for what reason. Dusty moves the award to the Litter Box and introduces the next topic)
The always ready to help MiceChat award: Is a tie. Please welcome to the stage BigDaddyKyle and Crazy Legs.
(Crazy races ahead to claim her award and runs over BigDaddyKyle who falls into the water fountain pit at the front of the stage. CrazyLegs reaches to help him out and rolls into the pit herself. They then perform a water ballet number as if they had planned the whole thing all along. )
Dusty: Well, we are running a bit over our time limit. So let's rush in a few more awards:
Most drunken posting by a mom in a single thread: Dsnylndmom
(In a stunning gown with beautiful gold-plated hip flask, Dsnylandmom takes the stage and begins to thank all the little people who made this award possible: Grumpy4, Murphy, Tui, . . . . . . . the microphone and podium slowly sink into the stage and the music swells)
Most powerful Moderator who can also carve pumpkins that look like Stitch award: Disneyphile
(Dusty begins to thank Disneyphile for making his job easier and for having a perfect grasp on the rules and procedures of the site. Disneyphile closes the award and moves it to the Entertainment section, then gives Dusty negative rep points for giving her an award in front of everyone before she has a chance to fix her hair and makeup)
Dusty: With the bandwidth that the awards have taken thus far, I'm unable to present the following awards tonight:
Most entertaining Thread starter
Most shameless plugging of their own site
Most negative poster
Biggest Disney fan
We'll just have to wait for my 3000th post to continue the show
(Show ends with a tap dance number - fountains come up with beautiful lighting effects - Jazzman continues to push BigDaddyKyle and Crazylegs back into the pit because he can - the credits begin to roll on the production)
And that's our show ladies and gentlemen. We have so many more people to thank and members to insult. I look forward to see you all again in another 1000 posts for the "Golden Dusty Awards"! Good night everyone.
-The Dusty Sage