I need some support!

[neuhickman79]

I posted this in my MiceSpace. But, for those of you that haven't gone gold:

Today my brother was put into a group home. He turned 18 five days ago and now is able to make his own decisions. He may never go back to live with my mom. After years of stress, calls to the sheriff, and nightmarish behavior problems my mom decided it was best to put him in a group home. I don't know how to react. I am sad, numb, torn, and angry at my mom for letting it come to this.




He came to us when he was 7 days old. It was December 17, 1987. He was the first of 3 adoptions for our family. He was born with cerebral palsy and half of his brain missing. I watched him through his struggles and triumphs in life and loved him through it all.

I watched him take his first steps at 7 years old even though he was told he would never walk. He had little to no mobility in his left arm and both legs. My mom decided it would be best for me not to "get his hopes up" and I got in trouble any time I tried to help him walk. That is where I believe the real problems started.

Months later he began taking medication for minor behavior problems that were not yet out of control. I don't think my mom did it on purpose. I think she was overwhelmed. By this point she had 4 kids at home as a single parent. She was a CPS worker for the County of Sacramento, her oldest son was graduating from High School in two years, and she was pregnant with my youngest brother after a devastating accident late in 1993 on our way home from Disneyland.

At this point my brothers behavior problems spun out of control. He rapidly began gaining weight, his outbursts became more and more violent, and it was stressful just to try to have a conversation with him sometimes. But, underneath it all I could still see the boy who had so much love in his heart and so many struggles in his life. His chances for walking vanished very quickly as his weight went up. He couldn't even stand anymore.

My mom is not one to show emotion. I've seen her cry two times in my life. Far cry from me who is known for being emotional. The last line in her email said "Don't really want to talk about this tonight". Now for anyone else that'd be normal. Not my mom! She is in a world of hurt tonight and I don't know that, at this point, she had any other choice but to do what she did.

I am so incredibly sad at how unfair this world is. I am devastated, unsure of how to react, and 2000 miles away from a situation that is causing pain deep in my heart!

[penguinsoda]

Wow... I don't know what kind of advice I could give you. I'm just so sorry for you and the situation your family is in!! I work at a high school in Special Ed and I work with the handicapped students. Just know that if you ever need to just vent to anybody for any reason or just need someone to listen to you please feel free to PM me or email me anytime!!!

[Not Afraid]

You know, I don't know what to say. I'm at a loss for words but I do send you GIANT HUGS and hope that you can come to some peace with the situation and the decisions made. I think we all hope what's being done is for the best somehow.

Lisa

[dsnylndmom]

Oh honey I just want to give you big hugs I'm so at a loss on what to say to help or comfort you. But know that we are here if you need to vent, yell, cry whatever.

[Crazy Legs]

Hugs

[MickeysGirl]

My heart goes out to you. I have been in a similar situation.
I have a developmentally disabled sister who is a year and a half older than I am. She too was very difficult to handle especially after my father died. She began having psychotropic seizures and was a danger to herself and the whole family.
Not only did my mother need to find placement for her, we also moved 150 miles to be near the closest clinic that was able to care for someone with her condition.
A disruption for the entire family, that was still getting over the loss of our father, and for my mother the selling of our business, house and coping with the loss of her husband and taking care of 3 children plus placing one who had never been away from her for more than a few hours at a time for special schooling.
One thing I learned was that though it was indeed very rough on the family, especially mom, when someone with special needs is surrounded by others like themselves they are now in "their" normal world and often they learn to function much better then they were able to when we were taking care of them.
The bond that you share with your brother will always be there.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[Mousey Girl]

[DMof2]

((((((Hugs))))))

[evil mommie]

Just and more

[Disneykat]

Daniel, there are no words I know that I could say that would ease your pain at all. I am so sorry to hear about this. I am here via phone or PM's if you need to tjust vent it all out!!!! I pray your mom will come around and talk about it. I can't imagine that it would be very healthy to keep it in. Are you able to contact your brother at all at the home? Perhaps him being in contact with you would be a good thing?

[Motorboat Cruiser]

I'm truly sorry for the situation you are faced with. I wish you peace and strength for you and everyone involved.

[alphabassetgrrl]

Wow- I'm sorry for the stress on your family. I hope your mom can talk about it, though that may not be with you. Talk to us if it helps.

:hugs
-kerry

[Tinkerbelle]

Oh sweetie for once I'm at a loss for advice to give.
we are here for us if you need us.

[SallySkellington]

[neuhickman79]

Thank you all so much for your support. This has been a very difficult time. I only just now built up the courage to send my mom an email back supporting her and what she is going through right now. I don't really know any more details. I'll keep you all updated. Thank you again. It really helps to know that you all care!