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  1. #1

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    Angry I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    Okay, I gotta vent.

    I've spent the last 14 months saving up for a trip to Disneyland. This would be my first time paying for a family trip, and the initial plan was just to take my parents this past February, as a late anniversary gift. So just the three of us. They were really excited, initially, but soon felt it would be insensitive of us to go to Disneyland and not invite my sister's two kids. This revelation tacked a couple thousand more bucks onto the trip, and pushed it back by 6 months, but I was fine with it.

    A little background. My sister and her husband are total mooches, and in my opinion everything that is wrong with American society. They have awful credit. They make awful business decisions. They quit jobs for the silliest reasons ("my boss wanted me to be at work at nine", "their internet was slow"). They moved back in to my parents' house a couple of years ago, due to their poor credit, and have slowly but surely taken over most of the house (whilst continually promising to move out 'soon'). They get tons of hands-up (or hands-out) and they never say thank you. I feel so bad for those kids. It's common to overhear exchanges between the kids and parents, which go like "Mom? Can you take us to see this movie? When I was little Grandma and Grandpa never took us to see movies!" or "Mom? Can I ask Santa Claus for a Buzz Lightyear this year? When I was a little kid, Santa Claus wouldn't bring us toys!" Which is a bold-faced lie, because I grew up with her, and she got loads of SWAG as a kid, and saw new movies every weekend. Meanwhile when a paycheck does come in, whatever doesn't get garnished, goes straight to Best Buy. The Mom & Dad have a 60" TV & a PS3 in their bedroom. Do the kids get to play with it? No. Would you care to guess who does take those kids to new movies, and who does spend $60 on Buzz Lightyears come Christmas? This guy. Do you want to know how many times she's said thank you? Big old goose egg, that's how many times: 0.

    So when my parents suggested that we take the kids along, my immediate reaction was "Yeah, those kids definitely need a vacation." I started asking for extra hours at work. I was putting extra money away, all while holding the trip a secret. Well today I called the Walt Disney Travel Company, got the trip priced out, and I've got enough. This trip is happening. So I meet up with the grandparents, and tell them that it's time to break the news to my sister. She comes upstairs, and we tell her, and this is her reaction:

    Her: "Ugh.... WELL, Bob (her husband) hates California, so he won't go."
    Us: "Well, we just want to take the kids... get them out of your hair for a week. That way you and Bob can have some time together, alone."
    Her: "But what about Timmy (her kid in this story)? He has school."
    Us: "He doesn't have school that week (year-rounder). We checked."
    Her: "Yeah, but I think it's really unfair to take them when we need them."
    Us: "Need them for what?"
    Her: (She mumbles.) "I hate you."
    (We all look around, dumbfounded.)
    Her: "It's just really unfair what you're doing!"
    Us: "What? Why?"
    Her: "Go to hell!" (At this point she runs downstairs and slams the door behind her.)
    Now tell me, if someone came up to you and offered to take your kids off your hands for a week, and take them to the happiest place on earth, would your reaction be "Thank you!" or "Go to hell!"? I'm this close to rescinding the offer, and saving my money, but those are some really good kids, decent kids, and they don't deserve to be punished because their mother is a twerp. Oh, I really need a cheeseburger right now....

  2. #2

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    Seriously... have the cheeseburger. And a double order of fries.

    I'm thinking mom is jealous because she's not getting to go for free. She's gotten so use to having things handed to her without having to pony up anything, she now things she's entitled to more. And from what you said, it sounds like she and her husband have very little regard for their own children... a serious case of arrested development, where the parents never matured past the age of about... 2.

    I know exactly how you feel right now. It would serve her right to pull out on taking the kids, leave them home with the parents and just go enjoy yourself. But I'm pretty sure you also know the ones to pay for that would not really be the parents... but the kids. And I'm pretty sure too that you really don't have any intention of leaving the kids behind just because their parents are flakes. Because once you get to the park, YOU are the ones who will get to see the unbridled joy and happiness in the kids faces, and YOU will be the ones who will be able to share this experience with them, and make a positive difference in their lives.

    It may be years down the road, it may be never, but at some point in their future they will be old enough to look back and realize who REALLY looked out for them and made an impact on their lives.

    And that will make it all worthwhile.




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  3. #3

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    Thanks Penguin. Thank goodness for In-n-out double-doubles and Neapolitan shakes.

    I think the current state of the plan is to bring the kids and hopefully over the next few weeks, she'll warm up to the idea. I've considered that she might be jealous, but a past experience is making that hard to believe:

    Two years ago, my parents planned a huge family reunion in Orlando. They bought 4 day park hoppers for everybody (18 people all together), and rented a big vacation home in Kissimee. The only thing they wouldn't pay for was transportation. So the aforementioned pain-in-the-butt immediately tells my Dad, in front of her excited kids "Well we aren't going, then. We aren't paying that much money for airplane tickets." So my parents generously offered to pay for their airfare, and told them to pick a flight. She goes on Expedia, and literally selects the first flight that pops up -- a flight with a 10 minute layover/flight-change at LAX. Long-story-short, they missed their connecting flight, and spent two days bouncing around various hubs until finally arriving at Orlando. So the kids already missed two days of Disneyworld, but they've got another three days before they head home. Guess what happens. Sis & Bob don't want to leave the rental home. Everybody else is at Disneyworld -- Sis & Bob are holding their kids hostage while they watch TV and sleep. The rest of us had to steal the kids, and babysit them for the rest of the week while Sis & Bob complained about the humidity. At the end of the trip, Sis & Bob's daughter was crying because she had a crappy trip, and didn't get to do half of the things that she wanted to, and gets yelled at, by her parents, for "being a baby." That's when we promised her that we'd take her again, without her parents. That's the purpose of this trip.

    At the end of that trip everybody in the family basically said "No more free rides" for Sis & Bob. The kids, on the other hand, deserve everything that's coming to them.
    Last edited by Santoanderson; 07-06-2012 at 11:22 PM.

  4. #4

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    I think it's a really nice gesture to want to include those kids. I know exactly what it feels like to not be able to do things because of a parent (every time my grandma took us to Disneyland my dad would throw a fit about not being able to go) and I know the kids will not only have a blast at the happiest place on earth but it would be a nice vacation from the stress (not to belittle your sister). Perhaps have just your parents try talking to her? I know my sister would feel threatened if I was just myself inviting her kids but if its Grandparents, how does one say no to time with grandparents :l.

    Good luck!

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    Isn't it strange how a parent/parents can have seemingly "normal" children like you and me, but that they can also produce an "off" child like your sis or my little brother (who sounds remarkabley like your sis). There are three children in our family. We are all adults now.

    What is the age diff if I may ask, is she older or younger?

    When it comes to my baby brat brother, he would be jealous of a trip to a place he never wanted to go to in the first place. It is the thought that he is not the center of attention... and mind you, we are Gen-X... late 30s!!! He isn't five y/o any more. Total arrested development syndrome!!!

    Now, unlike your sis, he doesn't have kids. This is good. He too is also everything that is wrong w/ America and IMO probably half of what wrong w/ the rest of the world too!

    I hope, for your sake and the kids, that she doesn't sabotage their trip and their vacation. I truely hope you can get past her issues and have a great time. It is totallllly wrong for you to have to get over her issues, but sometimes it is just best to conceade to a broken situation so that in the end, you get what you want and deserve. In this case you = you, the parents, and the kids...

    Bon voyage en avance.

    PS> And who cares if Bob doesn't like California??? What is her logic? He doesn't like California so the whole family must change to his likes/dislikes??? Bob sounds like a real catch. I am rolling my eyes so hard that I think I just sprained them both... I feel for ya! :/
    ~Jay

    "Ahh-chooo!" ~ Walt Disney
    "Bless you." ~ My Grandfather
    (Disneyland, circa 1957)


  6. #6

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    I've given up trying to psychoanalyze Sis & Bob. They're both pretty ADD, and I'm pretty sure she's bipolar. She'll be laughing and giggling one second and staring daggers down at you the next. Worse yet, she's elected to become a housewife/babymaker as her sole occupation, so throw in some maternal mood-swings on top of the pile of crazy, and that's her.

    She's two years older than me, but you wouldn't guess that considering where we've ended up as adults. I'm not saying that I'm perfect. I'm far from it, in my mind, but I try to be personally responsible, and considerate of others, and live by the golden rule. She makes odd parenting choices. She punishes those kids for the silliest things; she embraces hypocrisy on a daily basis: "No! You can't drink Coke before bedtime!" (as she drains a Big Gulp). A couple days ago she was playing some racing video game with my niece and nephew; Mario Kart, probably. My sister handily beat the pair of them for the first two races, and at the end of both races she acted like a poor winner: victory dance, trash talk, etc. Well my niece somehow won the third race and basically copied my sister dance-for-dance, word-for-word, and got sent to her room for it. Lots of yelling, doors slamming, kids crying; it was ugly. Those kids get yelled at so much for the stupidest reasons. You can see why we were so eager to give them a vacation.

    We actually surprised her daughter with a trip to Disneyland a couple years ago, and that kid was just a bundle of nerves that first day. She would apologize for things that weren't her fault. She would get really jumpy when somebody yelled her name, because at home that's an indicator of punishment. She wouldn't ask if she could have a snack or a souvenir, because "at home, mom gets mad at me when I ask if I can have something." I think that trip wound up being therapeutic for her, and showed her that not everybody in the world is a fly-off-the-handle, irrational jerk. This is also part of the reason were organizing this next trip.

    As for the trip, it's still happening. We may just wake up extra early on the day of our departure, and sneak the kids out of the house before Sis rolls out of bed at 11. It'll be easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

  7. #7

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    Somebody needs to shove Sis & Bob into a giant container and FedEx 'em to Siberia, seriously.

  8. #8

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    Take the kids, forget the parents. Remember, we can't pick our family.

    Out of my mom's 3 kids she is the only normal functional one and as a result we've taken lots of trips with our cousins. Did they grow up to be like their parents? Yep!
    But at the time, they were still small and they deserved some normalcy. If you can give it to them, then do it.


  9. #9

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    I'd have two cheeseburgers with a large fry and coke.

    I'm REALLY sorry to hear about your situation. You sound like a great uncle and I believe your sister may be jealous that you want to take her kids and not her, hence the "Go to hell" comment. And you even worked extra hours. Wow. I really hope you'll be able to take your nieces/nephews and parents to Disneyland and have an amazing time.

  10. #10

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    Quote Originally Posted by JMazz View Post
    the parents
    To clairify, I meant your parents...
    ~Jay

    "Ahh-chooo!" ~ Walt Disney
    "Bless you." ~ My Grandfather
    (Disneyland, circa 1957)


  11. #11

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    Wow that sounds aweful for you to be so considerate and take care of your nephews like that and she is a raging bi**h like that. My sister just found out she pregnant and she already said I was in charge of take it (not sure what yet) to dlr. I go at least once a week thoe. It's sad that you care more about them then her
    Im here for fun and info not be a bully! Carsland here I come

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    The only thing i can think of for her reaction ,maybe because one they were not asked to go, let them say no to going if they had said yes make sure before they did say yes it was stated they would pay for their own way(room, tickets, FOOD, souvenirs)
    The kids seem like they know what Disney is about,from the reference of the buzz toy, and maybe she feels hurt that she cant bring them and have this be something SHE does with the kids.

    Listen im not a bleeding heart TRUST me, and of course we only know your side of the story, theres always two, everyone remember that, regardless if we agree or not with it. And from just this story alone ill bet shes hurt. As much of a mooch she maybe shes still a person and has a heart(OMG whats the matter with me right now lol) so maybe shes just hurt.

  13. #13

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    Yeah, as I'm reading this part of me thinks she maybe embarrassed that she can't do these things for her kids. It sucks to have awful credit. I made some bad life choices in my past and subsequently I am living at home, trying to do good choices now, but those past ones still haunt me.

    If she is an older woman with kids, living at her parents home, horrible credit... Bob maybe making some of these choices for her that you don't know about. Bob maybe making the choices to go to Best Buy and spend all the money. And day care is expensive so she may not have those options. It sucks but I'm trying to think about it from both sides.

    I would take her to a neutral public place and talk to her about taking the kids on a vacation.

  14. #14

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    just a word of caution, are your sister or brother-in-law the type to be vindictive and want to cause trouble by accusing you of taking the kids without permission (kidnapping)?
    Last edited by gary94080; 07-14-2012 at 06:58 PM.

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    Re: I just offered to take my sister's kids to Disneyland. (I need to vent)

    Wonder how this trip went!

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