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Thread: Airline Laughs

  1. #1

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    Airline Laughs

    Just in case you need a laugh:

    Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripesheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.


    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


    P: Something loose in cockpit.

    S: Something tightened in cockpit.


    P: Dead bugs on windshield.

    S: Live bugs on back-order.


    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

    S: Evidence removed.


    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

    S: That's what friction locks are for.


    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


    P: Suspected crack in windshield.

    S: Suspect you're right.


    P: Number 3 engine missing.

    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


    P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


    P: Target radar hums.

    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


    P: Mouse in cockpit.

    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last..................

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

    S: Took hammer away from midget

  2. #2

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    Re: Airline Laughs

    I'm so proud that that is my National Airline!
    Go the flying Kangaroo

  3. #3

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    Re: Airline Laughs

    i had a funny thing happen flying from Minneapolis to L.A. earlier this month.

    We were all waiting to board the plane, already on the jetway, and the pilot walks up alongside of me.

    He looks at me and I look back. He looks into my eyes and then totally deadpans, "You're going to Los Angeles, right?"

    Dumbfounded, i nodded and replied "ummmm yeah"

    He then says "Oh..Okay. Good, cause that could have been awkward."

    after a brief pause i broke out into one of the best laughs of my life. God bless him for having a sense of humor.
    Nothing matters in this whole wide world, when you're in love with a Iowa girl

  4. #4

    • D'LAND BIRTH YEAR BABY
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    Re: Airline Laughs

    I am not a good flyer , I do it in CA short distances but do not like it. I have flown into SF, SAC, Oakland, Burband and Ontario but never Orange Co.
    At Thanksgiving my daughter missed her LAX flight and ended up driving to Orange to get a flight when she got to Sac she was telling us about the no noise take off from orange and how weird it was and scary and that I would freak!
    Last month I flew into Orange which I had done before , but I didnt make my return flight thinking I would go to my other daughters up by LAX to return. After delaying my return for 2 days I finially decided I must put on my big girl panties and suck it up and leave from OC for the benefit of everyone not having to transport mom all the way up to LAX.
    I made sure the weather was clear on my departure date , went to the airport , got on the plane.
    The pilot comes on before leaving the runway and states for those who have never flown out of OC they do it a little differenty here...to continue "the Disney experience SWA had it own version of Disneys Tower of Terror..." ok so now I am terrified ( dont get me wrong I love TOT) but not at this height. Luckly a man with his teen son are sitting next to me and I hear him tell the son 2000 ft ,4000ft, ect..now it happens ..
    Lol after all the stess I barely noticed that the engine feels like it cuts and drops!

  5. #5

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    Re: Airline Laughs

    DJ,

    I never knew this about OC's John Wayne airport.

    Oh dear.

    Great, just great, now I wonder how I'm going to handle it the next time.

    Thanks for the heads up, I suppose!

    peace,
    Roo
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  6. #6

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    Re: Airline Laughs

    Flying out of John Wayne is the greatest!! It is definitely an E ticket ride!

  7. #7

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    Re: Airline Laughs

    this put a smile on my face! Thanks!
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  8. #8

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    Re: Airline Laughs

    I flew out of John Wayne this past February and didn't notice anything unusual.

    However, I've done takeoffs from and landings on aircraft carriers. Perhaps it's jaded me.

  9. #9

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    Re: Airline Laughs

    I love that!! I did give me a good laugh. It's Saturday night, and I'm so bored!!!

    Will trade husband for Disneyland and DCA Pins!

  10. #10

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    Re: Airline Laughs

    I thought that there was supposed to be a "Spew Warning" on posts like this. Good thing I was between sips, else my keyboard would have been under water.

    Thanks for a great laugh,

    CU@DL

    Andy

  11. #11

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    Re: Airline Laughs

    I'm taking off for across the country tomorrow for the first time in eight years so I found this particularly funny tonight.


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  12. #12

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    Re: Airline Laughs

    Gotta love OC's airport and especially SWA's employees, they tend to always have a quirky way of handling things on their flights. Thanks for the laugh!
    Mom, remember, it's not what a person is like on the outside that counts,
    it's what they are like in their HEART!


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  13. #13

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    Re: Airline Laughs

    I do take isse about the first paragraph - just because you don't have a college degree doesn't mean you are any less able to fix an airplane than someone who does!!

    Pretty funny otherwise!
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