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  1. #1

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    Some of The Best Simpsons Quotes

    I have over 200 hundred Simpsons sound wavs saved on my computer. And whenever I need a good laugh, I let em loose. Too bad I can't post them on here, but I can at least put em in text format. Spell em out for ya anyways, literally! I know at least Fishbulb will enjoy this one, among others. The first one I have is the infamous 32 doh's, but of course, that won't be listed below. And no, not all of them will be listed either. Too many, and some, well, this is a family board and certain words aren't allowed.

    Well, here ya go and enjoy!


    Wiggum: Alright smart guy, where's the fire?
    Homer: Over there <pointing to a building on fire>
    Wiggum: Oh ok you just bought yourself a 317, pointing out police stupidity. Or is that a 314....? No no 314 is a dog in....or is that a 315? You're in trouble pal!



    Wiggum: <waking up suddenly to a car speeding by> This is Wiggum reporting a 318. Waking a police officer!



    Sideshow Bob is singing to Bart "Grown Accustomed To His Face" and Homer pounds on the wall...
    Homer: Bart! Turn down that original cast recording and go to sleep!!
    Bart: <joining in with Bob>: You've grown accustomed to my face.
    Bob: This isn't a duet.



    Apu: Thank you for coming! I'll see you in ____! <fires shotgun>



    Artie (while some music plays): He's a loser, Marge. Dump him! (sings to the tune of Eurythmics "Sweet Dreams) I've traveled the world in the seven seas....I AM WATCHING YOU THROUGH A CAMERA!!!



    Homer: You heard me! I won't be in for the rest of the week. I told you! My baby beat me up!



    Homer: <flying over Epcot Center> Ohhhhh!! It's even boring to fly over!!!



    Gang riding on the Enron Ride of Broken Dreams...
    Lady: <ride starts up a hill> We're all gonna be rich!
    Guy 1: <ride goes down a drop> We're gonna crash!
    Guy 1: <ride levels out> We broke even.
    <ride then goes down another drop, and stops in a shack called "The Poorhouse"
    Guy 2: Mmmmmm, that's good satire!




    Bart: Can't sleep. Clown will eat me. Can't sleep. Clown will eat me.



    Homer: Can't stop. Krusty collectable toy jammed under brake pedal. <stomps pedal>
    Krusty doll: Hey hey! Hey hey! Hey hey!



    Wiggum: Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me.....Chief Piggum!!



    Homer: <watches dog interact with George H Bush> I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong bush! heh heh heh
    Homer's brain: There it is Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it!
    Homer: DOH!



    Mayor Quimby: Hmmm, I guess we're not gonna find anything.
    Otto: How we gonna get outta here?
    Homer: We'll dig our way out! <grunting sounds as he's digging>
    Wiggum: No no dig up stupid!



    Kent Brockman: Homer, organized labor is being called a lumbering dinosaur.
    Homer: AHHHH!!!
    Kent: Ah, my director is telling me not to talk to you anymore...
    Homer: WOOHOO!!!



    Lisa: This award is the biggest farce I've ever saw!
    Bart: What about the emmys?
    Lisa: I stand corrected.



    Homer: I've got to call the plant and warn em! <pushes buttons on phone>
    Recording: <error tone> The fingers you have used to dial, are to fat. To obtain a special dialing want, please mash the keypad with your palm now.
    Homer screams



    Marge: The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.
    Homer: Woohoo! Four day weekend!



    Marge: Alright family. Who can guess what's different about dinner tonight?
    Homer: Eh, same ol garbage. <laughs>
    Bart: <laughing with Homer> This guy's always on!!



    Robert Goulet: Jingle bells, batman smells, robin laid an egg. Batmobile broke its wheel and joker got away, HEY!
    <audience claps, Goulet twirls microphone cord, cracks Millhouse in the head with it>
    Robert: Oh I'm sorry kid!



    Sideshow Bob: <on television> Whenever I could find a spare moment, I tried to murder...Bart Simpson.
    Bart: Ah! Ah!! AHHHH!!! <runs upstairs screaming>
    Homer: HE SAID TRIED!!
    Marge: Hmm, someone should really go and talk to him.
    <pause for a few moments, Homer sits there hoping he doesn't have to go. Lisa gets up to go upstairs.>
    Homer: Whew!
    Marge: HOMER!



    Burns: Ah hoy hoy <answering phone>
    Homer: Mr Burns? This is Homer J. Simpson, the father of the Big Quitter? Well I just wanted to tell you that I'm a big quitter too. And I quit. <winks>
    Marge: <whispers> Homer, Mr Burns can't see you winking.
    Homer: So..<screams>



    Lady: Now read the first line.
    Homer: I 8 P P
    Bart: <laughs>
    Homer: Why you little! <chokes Bart>
    Lady: Better, or worse?
    Homer: Worse.
    Lady: Better or worse?
    Homer: <choking harder> Much..better!



    Marge: Bart reached the terrible two's.
    Bart: <marching up and down hallway, banging on a pan> I AM SO GREAT! I AM SO GREAT! EVERYBOD LOVES ME, I AM SO GREAT!!



    Bart: <from atop of the statue of liberty, looking down onto a boat> HEY IMMIGRANTS! BEAT IT! COUNTRY'S FULL!!
    Guy on boat: Ok folks, you heard the lady! Back into the hold. We'll try Canada.
    Immigrants: Awwww



    Homer: Come on, Bart! Remember what Vince Lombardi said. If you lose, you're out of the family!



    Homer: I offer you the guidance of my daughter, Sacagawea. In our language, her name means "little know it all who wont shut her maize hole".



    Officer Joe: Do you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?
    Moe: No!
    <buzz>
    Moe: Alright maybe I did, but I didn't shoot him!
    <ding>
    Joe: Checks out. Ok sir, you're free to go.
    Moe: Good. Cause I got a hot date tonight.
    <buzz>
    Moe: A date.
    <buzz>
    Moe: Dinner with friends.
    <buzz>
    Moe: Dinner alone.
    <buzz>
    Moe: Watching TV alone.
    <buzz>
    Moe: Alright! I'm gonna sit at home and oggle the ladies in the Victorias Secret Catalog.
    <buzz>
    Moe: Sears Catalog
    <ding>
    Moe: Now would you unhook this already please?! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!
    <buzz>



    Grandpa: I'm going to the outhouse.
    Lisa: We don't have an outhouse.
    Homer: <gasp> MY TOOLSHED!!!



    Officer Lou: That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpsons place.
    Chief Wiggum: Forget it. That's two blocks away.
    Lou: Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney!
    Wiggum: <gets out of car> I'm proceeding on foot, call in a code 8.
    Lou: We need pretzels. Repeat, pretzels.



    Homer: The sum of any two sides of an icosoles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.
    Guy in bathroom stall (sounds like tim allen): That's a right triangle, ya idiot!
    Homer: DOH!



    Lisa: HEY LOOK! It's last year's winner Deborah Joe Smallwood!
    Deborah: Tonight, my reign as Ms American Girl comes to an end. And I'd like to apologize for my unfortunate remarks at the United Nations.
    <Baby Maggie starts playing Beethoven on her xylophone>
    Homer: Maggie, cut that racket!!



    Ralphie: <to two kids fighting> Why can't you be friends? Like me and Mr Finger? <jabs finger in nose> You've betrayed me for the last time!



    Ralphie: <to smokey the bear, thinking he's santa clause> Hmm, I want a bike, and a monkey, and a friend for the monkey....
    Smokey: You're not going to start any fires, are ya?
    Ralphie: At my house we call them uh-ohs.



    Wiggum: Howcome you're not at school, Ralphie?
    Ralphie: My teacher says she's tired of trying.



    Robot 1: Hey, these cards are marked! <tips over table>
    Robot 2: Now look what you've done!
    Robot 1: I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.
    Robot 3: Let's forget this whole thing happened.
    Homer: What is this? A tea party? Somebody kill somebody! <breaks off a robot head>
    <robots turn to homer and start shooting. Homer screams>
    Marge: What is it with you and robots?



    Lisa: But, but, my IQ is only 159. Maggie's more intelligent than me?
    Simon Cowell: That's right! Because 164 is a bigger number than 159. Do you see how that works?
    Lisa: <sarcastically annoyed> Yes, thank you.



    Professor Frink: Brace yourself gentleman. According to the gastrometagraph, the secret ingredient is...LOVE?!?! Who's been screwing with this thing?!?!



    Bart: Daad? Why aren't you saying anything? Where's our motorboat?
    Homer: <angry> Didn't like it. The mast had termites.
    Lisa: Why would a motorboat have a mast?
    Homer: Because! The thingy was, SHUT UP!



    Man: Can I help you?
    Bart: I'd like to get my ear pierced.
    Man: Well better make it quick kiddo. In five minutes, this place is becoming a starbucks!



    Marge: All our children are smart. Some, are just smarter than the others.
    Bart: <to Lisa> Welcome to.....the others!
    Lisa: AHHH!!



    Marge: I put the taxforms on your to do pile a month ago!
    Homer: I have a to do pile?!?!



    Bart: And I think it's ironic that for once dad's butt prevented the release of toxic...
    Marge: BART!!



    Ned Flanders: Now throughout history, when people get wood, they'll think of trojans!





    Well, that's all of them. lol even funnier when typed out.
    Last edited by AidensDaddy; 05-18-2006 at 01:31 PM.

  2. #2

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    Re: Some of The Best Simpsons Quotes

    Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

    Grandpa: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three.
    P.S. I am not a crackpot.

    Marge: Grandpa, this flag only has 49 stars on it
    Grandpa: I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!

    Grandpa: Well, whenever I'm confused, I just check my underwear. It holds the answer to all the important questions.

    Grandpa: Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by presidents 'til the cows came home! Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions!

  3. #3

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    Re: Some of The Best Simpsons Quotes

    Homer: Hey Marge, remember when we used to make out to this Hymn?

    Homer: Mom , I'm going to take you where there is no one around for miles... Disney's California Adventure.

    Bart: Hello is Homer there?
    Moe: Homer who?
    Bart: Homer Sexual.
    Growing older is manditory
    Growing up is however, optional

  4. #4

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    Re: Some of The Best Simpsons Quotes

    Phone call for.....


    Anita Bath


    Al coholic

    Myra Buttreeks

    Huge Jazz

    Jacque Strapp

    I P Freely

    Amanda Hugankiss

    Seymore Butts

    Homer Sexual



  5. #5

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    Re: Some of The Best Simpsons Quotes

    Why don't they do those prank call angles anymore???

  6. #6

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    Re: Some of The Best Simpsons Quotes

    Quote Originally Posted by silverphoenix
    Phone call for.....


    Anita Bath


    Al coholic

    Myra Buttreeks

    Huge Jazz

    Jacque Strapp

    I P Freely

    Amanda Hugankiss

    Seymore Butts

    Homer Sexual


    I think Isabelle Ringing is in there too.
    Growing older is manditory
    Growing up is however, optional

  7. #7

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    Re: Some of The Best Simpsons Quotes

    Quote Originally Posted by Disney Wrassler
    Why don't they do those prank call angles anymore???

    Cause they ran out of ideas, probably.

  8. #8

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    Re: Some of The Best Simpsons Quotes

    Quote Originally Posted by OogieBoogie
    I think Isabelle Ringing is in there too.
    I've never heard that one before. Though the ones that I posted, were all from one of the soundwavs I have, with all the prank calls.



    Though the two Anita Bath and Myra Buttreeks, are from the episode where the teachers go on strike, and Moe is one of the first substitutes that Bart must scare off. Those are the two names he calls for the roll call.

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