An employee of a fancy New York hotel anonymously submitted the following letters and correspondence between the hotel's staff and a guest staying at the hotel.
Sunday Evening Check-In
Please do not leave any more of those perfumed tiny bars of soap by the sink and the small bars by the bath tub, or any of those tiny bottles of shampoo and conditioner, since I have brought my own bath-sized Old Musk Spice bar soap and shampoo that don't smell like my wife. Please remove the three unopened tiny bars from the shelf by the mirror and the other two in the bath tub soap holder. I need more space for my things.
Dear Room 752,
The maid normally assigned to this part of the hotel doesn't work on Sunday and Monday, but she will be back tomorrow. I moved the soap on the shelf into the sink drawer, in case you should change your mind. As you asked, I also removed the bottles of shampoo and conditioner, and the soap bars in the bath tub soap holder. They are on the top shelf in the coat closet.
We are required to replace used bottles of shampoo and conditioner and soap, and leave two new bars of Caress soap and one Oil of Olay soap by the sink every day, but I added the soap to the drawer by the sink to keep them out of your way. I hope this is satisfactory.
Dorothy, Relief Maid
Dear Maid, .. I hope you are the normally assigned maid.
I am afraid Dorothy has not told you about my letter regarding the tiny bars of soap and bottles of shampoo and conditioner.
When I returned from work last night, I found three new tiny Oil of Olay soap bars stacked on the shelf by my mirror, and more shampoo and soap in the bath tub soap holder, which I added to those on the shelf in the coat closet, so there would be space for my bath-size Old Musk Spice soap bar.
I need more space for storing my things, and I prefer to use my own bath-size soap, which I brought with me. My company has requested I work at our branch office for a couple of weeks, so please remove the bars of soap and don't leave any more bottles or soap bars.
Please remove these items out of my way.
Dear Mr. Stanford,
Sunday and Monday are my days off of work.
The relief maid left you the soap bars prescribed on our daily task list. Management inventories our supplies daily to make sure we are leaving the correct amounts.
I moved the bars of soap on your shelf out of your way and added them to your sink drawer. I left your three soap bars for the sink on the counter, so that the shelf would be available for you to use.
The relief maid didn't remove the two complimentary bars of Jasmine and tropical-flower-scented soap bars. The ones we put in the potpourri dish above the toilet before you check in. You didn't ask me to remove those, so I left them.
Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.
Your assigned maid,
Dear Mr. Stanford,
I just learned that you called the assistant manager yesterday concerning problems with your maid service. I am the Head Housekeeper responsible for the maid service. The assistant manager handles all other concerns. We're very sorry to hear that the service wasn't satisfactory, and we've promptly assigned you a new maid.
Please accept our apologies for any inconveniences.
If there is anthing else I can do for you, please don't hesitate to use my direct extension (#8342) anytime between 9am and 6pm.
Friday Morning Dear Miss Elizabeth,
I only called the assistant manager last night because he was available and you were off for the night. Anyway, I only asked the assistant manager to permit the maid to not leave the prescribed number of soaps each day.
Oh, I used the potpourri earlier in the week, but not the flower-scented soap bars, which I added to the stack on the sink counter. The newly assigned maid must have misunderstood and thought I had just arrived, because she left two more flower-scented soap bars and a new bag of potporri in the dish above the toilet ALONG with the prescribed daily rations of soap for the sink and bath tub and new bottles of shampoo and conditioner, which I added to the growing bottle collection in my coat closet.
Since my check-in on Monday, I've stockpiled 25 bars of soap and 6 small bottles of shampoo and conditioner. I have to leave my things on the bathroom counter, because the sink drawer is now full of soap. I also had to move the spare pillow on the coat closet shelf to the chair to make space for the bottles and soap on that shelf. I guess the new maid didn't realize this, and brought a replacement pillow. Now the shelf is so full and the replacement pillow keeps falling down.
Why are you doing this to me?
Saturday Morning Dear Mr. Stanford,
I've asked Robin, your maid, to remove the extra bars of soap and shampoo and conditioner bottles. She won't leave any more soap and shampoo.
If I can be of further assistance, please call me anytime between 9am and 6pm at extension #8342.
Dear Assistant Manager,
I was out late last night with my co-workers. When I arrived at my room, and began a shower, I discovered that my bath-size Old Musk Spice is missing. I had to ring for the bellhop to find some soap. At that late hour, he could only find me the tropical-flower scented bars that come with the potpourri.
Apparently, the maid removed all of the soap from my room, including my own Old Musk Spice. Please give me back my bath-size Old Musk Spice.
Dear Mr. Stanford,
When our head housekeeper returns on Monday, I will inform her of this soap problem.
I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room. Our maids are carefully trained to follow our strict cleaning and restocking guidelines that prescribe leaving three new bars of soap each day, when a room is serviced.
I'm sending room service over right now with a basket selection of soap, and will personally make certain this problem never happens again.
Please accept my apologies for any inconvenience.
Dear Miss Elizabeth,
I wasn't able to reach you by phone today, because I left for work before you were on duty, and the subway commute delayed me until after you are off duty by the time I had stopped by a store to replace my Old Spice Musk soap that is still missing. Work is really hectic, and when I finally found time to call, the extension you gave me did not work from an outside telephone line!
Who the heck left 53 MORE soap bars in my room? I came in last night and found 53 little bars of soap, in addition to the basket of scented soaps. I don't want 53 little bars of Oil of Olay, Caress, and various flower-scented soaps. The smell in my room is so strong it is giving me a headache!
Blast it! I only wanted my ONE bar of bath-size Old Musk Spice.
Dear Mr. Stanford,
First you complained about having too many bars of soap, and asked for them to be removed. I personally took care of it. When I returned to work on Monday, the assistant manager said you were unhappy because the soap was missing. Again, I personally returned your soap.
Apparently, the assistant manager gave strict instructions to Robin, your assigned maid, to return exactly the number of soaps that were taken previously. So she must have left 25 soap bars, and then the three bars prescribed each day.
We've never had any bath-size Old Musk Spice soap, and I don't know where you got that idea, but I did find some bigger bars of Ivory, which I put on your table.
P.S. I don't know anything about the "basket of scented soaps" you mentioned. That isn't in our inventory list, and our maids don't leave baskets of soap. Perhaps that was a gift delivery from someone else? Tuesday Afternoon
Dear Miss Phizer,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:
When Robin services my room, please ask her to neatly pile and dust the stacks. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to fall over, except for the moist ones in the bath soap dish, which stick together and can be stacked up to 6 high. May I recommend considering the window ledge in the bathroom? It is currently empty and should provide a superb place for future soap deliveries.
- On shelf under the mirror: 12 Caress in 3 stacks of 4 each, and one stack of 4 Oil of Olay.
- On the coat closet shelf: 6 bottles of shampoo and 6 bottles of conditioner, along with 12 small bars of soap in 4 stacks of 3 each.
- On my table: 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 1 basket of a variety of 5 scented soaps, including Jasmine, Rose, and other tropical flowers.
- In the bath soap dish: 2 Oil of Olay (very moist).
- On the SouthEast corner of tub: 2 Jasmine, slightly used.
- On the toilet in the potpourri dish: 4 Jasmine.
- In the sink drawer: 12 bars of Caress and 6 bars of Oil of Olay (please do not rearrange them .. it took me 5 minutes to arrange them so that the drawer would close).
P.S. Please don't worry about accidentally discarding my used, large bar of Old Musk Spice soap. I'm now keeping it safely secured in the hotel vault, in order to prevent any further misunderstandings.