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  1. #1

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    For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual
    analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are
    published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here
    are last year's winners.


    1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
    compressed by a Thigh Master.

    2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
    underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
    who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
    boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
    schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those
    boxes with a pinhole in it.

    4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room
    temperature Canadian beef.

    5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
    before it throws up.

    6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

    8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
    his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
    surcharge-free ATM machine.

    9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
    ball wouldn't.

    10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled
    with vegetable soup.

    11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
    surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy
    comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

    12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

    13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
    them in hot grease.

    14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
    grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
    Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
    p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

    15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
    resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

    16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
    also never met.

    17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East
    River.

    18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one
    that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

    19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

    20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
    plan just might work.

    21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
    for a while.

    22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
    real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or
    something.

    23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg
    behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
    power tools.

    25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
    she were a garbage truck backing up.

  2. #2

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
    also never met.

    17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East
    River.
    Those two had me laughing. As did #6.


    Who am I kidding? They all did.
    "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. "Groucho Marx

  3. #3

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    These are real?

  4. #4

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    where's Yoyoflamingo... he might have some good ones.

  5. #5

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    Quote Originally Posted by twinmom View Post
    5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
    I'd change that laugh!
    Quote Originally Posted by twinmom View Post
    12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
    EEWWW!
    Quote Originally Posted by twinmom View Post
    13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
    How exactly does this person know what fried maggots look like. Ew.
    Quote Originally Posted by twinmom View Post
    18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

    20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
    plan just might work.
    In the right context, I think these 2 might be pretty good!
    Quote Originally Posted by twinmom View Post
    24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools..
    If I was this kid's teacher, I'd be worried.

  6. #6

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    Absolutely brilliant.
    BACKPACKING REALNESS

    DISNEY TRIPS
    October 2000 - Walt Disney World Resort
    October 2001 - Walt Disney World Resort
    April 2002 - Disneyland Resort Paris
    October 2003 - Walt Disney World Resort
    October 2004 - Walt Disney World Resort
    October 2005 - Walt Disney World Resort
    October 2007 - Walt Disney World Resort
    December 2008 - Walt Disney World Resort
    July 2009 - Disneyland Resort Paris
    July 2011 - Disneyland Resort California
    July 2012-13 - UK Cultural Representative Cast Member at Epcot
    February 2013 - Disneyland Resort California
    February 2013 -Tokyo Disney Resort

    (VERY OLD!)
    TRIP REPORTS


  7. #7

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    Haha that's funny. I'll pass it to my professor.

  8. #8

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    Those cracked me up!!

    Maybe there's hope for future generations after all.....they're funny!!

  9. #9

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    Hilarious!!!


  10. #10

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

  11. #11

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    Welcome to my personal, ah, 'heck.' You would not believe the suffering I endure as an English teacher. Like spending weeks on capitals and then wondering why they aren't on papers...it goes on and on and on.

    Oy.

    Peace,
    Roo
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  12. #12

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    I like #9, the one about the bowling ball. But #11 is funny because it's TRUE!
    A signature should go here.

  13. #13

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    Quote Originally Posted by twinmom View Post
    English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual
    analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are
    published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here
    are last year's winners.


    1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
    compressed by a Thigh Master.

    2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
    underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

    3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy
    who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
    boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high
    schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those
    boxes with a pinhole in it.

    4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room
    temperature Canadian beef.

    5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
    before it throws up.

    6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

    8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
    his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
    surcharge-free ATM machine.

    9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
    ball wouldn't.

    10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled
    with vegetable soup.

    11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
    surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy
    comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

    12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

    13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
    them in hot grease.

    14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
    grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
    Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
    p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

    15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
    resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

    16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
    also never met.

    17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East
    River.

    18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one
    that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

    19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

    20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
    plan just might work.

    21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating
    for a while.

    22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
    real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or
    something.

    23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg
    behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
    power tools.

    25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
    she were a garbage truck backing up.
    I love those, they were in an article in my local paper.
    My hubby thinks I am weird for loving them so

  14. #14

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    These sound like rejected narrator lines from one of the Naked Gun movies. Just imagine Leslie Nielsen reading them in Det. Frank Drebin's voice.

  15. #15

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    Re: For you English teachers.... (#6 is my favorite)

    these are GREAT! where did you find them?



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