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  1. #1

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    To Our Pets (Humor)

    Found this on another board:

    Dear Dogs and Cats,

    When I say to move, it means to go someplace else --- not to switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

    Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --- canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

    The proper order is kiss me --- then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!


    To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

    Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

    1. They live here. You don't.
    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
    3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
    4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
    5. Dogs and cats are better than kids ... they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.

  2. #2

    • keep moving forward...
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    aawwwww that was so cute :o ,,, and funny

  3. #3

    • I am a Pluto lover
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    That was great!
    Mellymouse




    (do you think the Finding Nemo Subs line will be under 3 hours by then?)






  4. #4

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    OH, how true this is!
    Marge: Barnacle Bill's Home Pregnancy Test? Homer, shouldn't we have gone with a better-known brand?
    Homer: But Marge, this one came with a corn-cob pipe!
    Marge: [reading from the test box] "Ahoy, Maties! If the water turns blue, a baby for you! If purple ye see, no baby thar be!"
    Homer: So, which is it? Blue or purple?
    Marge: Pink.
    Homer: D'oh!
    Marge: "If ye test should fail, to a doctor set sail!"

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cuzco-topia
    OH, how true this is!
    I agree...I love my two dogs (a miniature pinscher and a pug-both males)...and they own my house!!! When I take them on walks, they actually walk me.
    "Somewhere under the sea and beyond your imagination is an adventure in fantasy."

  6. #6

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    Actually, this is true. But in my case I have 7 cats and a dog. The dog is the moderator of the cat squabbles.
    1st Amendment-Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

  7. #7

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    Change cats to rats and add, "I can lock them in a cage when I have had enough," and you have a scene from our house. The thing with the food dish is verrrrry true. I had 5 extra noses in my icecream bowl earlier (the 6th was sleeping). Right now they are all on the sides of the cages looking at me. They are really waking up for the night and they all want to come out and play.

  8. #8

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    That was so cute! But there needs to be a rule in there to the cat to make sure he actually goes IN the litter box...not just gets in and goes over the edge. Anybody got any ideas to help me on this one?

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by angh8r
    That was so cute! But there needs to be a rule in there to the cat to make sure he actually goes IN the litter box...not just gets in and goes over the edge. Anybody got any ideas to help me on this one?
    Covered box. Works like a charm.

  10. #10

    • Gay Man
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    . I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
    Yeah, I can relate. 5 cats and two large-size people on a Queen-sized bed can be a challenge. Sometimes I wish I was an amputee or had been decapitated.

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