1. If you are choking on an ice cube, then don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto...the blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.
5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, then take a large dose of laxatives. Then, you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.
8. Sometimes we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: In life, you only need two tools...WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move but should, then use the WD-40. If it should not move but does, then use the duct tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
Thought for the Day: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES...THEY'RE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS.