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  1. #1

    • Minion
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    Talking Honest opinions on this story i've started

    Its short....but are you intrigued? do you want to keep readng?

    I've had a story in my head for YEARS like since freshman year, and i've decided to take th bull by the horns and commit it to paper. I don't have a title, probably wont till its done, but how does this little paragraph make you feel?


    Honest opinions, it is a work in progress so i'll take anything you want to throw at me



    It was only June and already, everyone wished summer was over. Rain had not fallen in what felt like months and the ground was hard, standing proof of the driving blaze coming from the unforgiving sun. Only a few cows were left, both bone-dry and eating off the weeds in the old, yellow, lifeless fields behind the once great home of Benjamin Foster. The clapboard was washed out and in dire need of a new coat of paint. Shudders hung from their hinges, no one bothering to re-hang them. The once stunning gardens of roses, begonias, iris and crawling ivy had withered away and left behind only skeletal ruins, reminders of this once great estate. The only small patch of life left stood before the proud, decrepit manor; its white head burst forth in the heat. A lifeline that promised Kalista, in only a few short weeks, maybe even days…food would be on the table again, and taxes could be paid. A cluster of cotton plants stood, flourishing in the summer sun.


  2. #2

    • We wants the Redhead
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    Re: Honest opinions on this story i've started

    I think it sounds wonderful. Is it going to be a post civil war story? I cannot wait to read more.... I love the way you describe the garden, it really came to life in my mind. You are very talented with words...
    Janet
    John 3:16

  3. #3

    • Minion
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    Re: Honest opinions on this story i've started

    actually its a pre/during/ slightly after story followingstated character, kalista and a childhood friend from age 8 ish to about 25/30, depending on how i feel towards the end, lol She is around 18 at this time in the story. Benjamin Foster is the friends grandfather. get into details later, lol


    ok, so thats 1 continue


  4. #4

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    Re: Honest opinions on this story i've started

    You are very brave to open yourself up to criticism on the board! So, even if I didn't like the paragraph, I would still have to give you huge props for courage.

    Here's my honest opinion as a really avid reader: it hooked me. My dad and I used to exchange books lots and discuss them together, which I really miss now that he is gone. I read so many books and I am not one to give up on a book too fast if it doesn't hook me right from the start. However, I love it when a story does catch me right off, which yours did. Great start!

  5. #5

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    Re: Honest opinions on this story i've started

    Don't fear me, but I'm an English teacher...we do have a writer's board over in MiceClubs, so if you want, I can ask those authors to come over and visit.

    For me, I believe the act of writing is, by far, more important than the English grammar or rules. Just write, I say!

    This is an excellent start! The problem with it?

    IT STOPS.....keep going!

    Peace,
    Roo
    husband, petowner, wordsmith, imagineer, martialist, playwright, traveller, ardent, wit, critic, barista, Taoist, superhero, fortuneteller, reader, fidget, teacher, dreamer, author, blogger, ghosthunter, voter, patient, bear, gourmand, Floridian, friend

  6. #6

    • Minion
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    Re: Honest opinions on this story i've started

    It sounds excellent! I am working on a teen novel right now that has only been in my head for two months, but I know how it is when you have a story for years, but you never know when to start it.
    The daydream princess

  7. #7

    • Minion
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    Re: Honest opinions on this story i've started

    well, i guess i shall continue, lol


    i'll try and keep you updated, maybe add bits and pieces once and a while.

    thanks for the comments guys!


    Krystle


  8. #8

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    Re: Honest opinions on this story i've started

    I liked it
    Good morning, son
    In twenty years from now
    Maybe we'll both sit down and have a few beers
    And I can tell you 'bout today
    And how I picked you up and everything changed
    It was pain
    Sunny days and rain
    I knew you'd feel the same things...





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