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  1. #1

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    Smart a$$ answers

    It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline.
    "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
    "What are my choices?" John asked.
    "Yes or no," she replied.





    A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
    As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
    trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need
    to see your ticket not your stub."





    A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she
    couldn't find one big enough for her family.
    She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
    The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."




    The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
    down his window.
    "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
    The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
    When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
    ticket.





    A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
    reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of
    him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
    Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets
    out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
    says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
    bridge and ran out of gas."



    #1 SMART ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006

    A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I
    won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
    I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or
    a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
    whatsoever!" A smart-a$$ guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
    asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete
    and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and
    snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the
    student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to
    write the exam with your other hand."

  2. #2

    • itty bitty
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    Re: Smart a$$ answers

    The last one was great!
    "I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. "Groucho Marx

  3. #3

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    Re: Smart a$$ answers

    LoL, I liked the last one and second one. Classic

  4. #4

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    Re: Smart a$$ answers

    LOLOLO those were grea!

  5. #5

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    Re: Smart a$$ answers

    Quote Originally Posted by twinmom View Post

    A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
    As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
    trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need
    to see your ticket not your stub."


    The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
    down his window.
    "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
    The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
    When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
    ticket.


    #1 SMART ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006

    A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I
    won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.
    I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or
    a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
    whatsoever!" A smart-a$$ guy in the back of the room raised his hand and
    asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete
    and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and
    snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the
    student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to
    write the exam with your other hand."
    These are to funny
    Quote Originally Posted by aashee (Farter Extraordinair) View Post
    Wow. If regular MiceChatters saw this thread they might think we are normal. Thanks Dan & Gina!


  6. #6

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    Re: Smart a$$ answers

    Here's one I observed today at the airport:

    TCA lady: finds water bottle in carryon bag "Yes, see this water bottle? You know how the sign says more liquids? Water counts as a liquid."

    50-something weary traveler: "Yes, water is a liquid. I knew that. As you can probably tell, I clearly forgot that it was in there. But instead of pointing that out with the kind of mutual respect that I would ordinarily expect, you decided to be a wiseass and suggest that I don't know that water is a liquid. I know water is a liquid, and so does everyone in this line. You knew that too, but thought it would be funny to act like I don't know, so you can humiliate me on top of the undignified stripping me of shoes and jackets and emptying my pockets. Do they force you to do that for security purposes, or, in the future, might you get able to get permission from your superiors to act cordially and respectfully when you have to correct a tired traveler who's making an innocent mistake?
    Fight On! Beat the Huskers!

    Tom Chaney Memorial Debate Lounge Quote of the Week:

    [None]
    The brick walls are there to stop the people who don't want it badly enough - Randy Pausch

  7. #7

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    Re: Smart a$$ answers

    I liked the last one....
    HDAlien

    -----------------------------------------------------
    "I dream of the day when you can go to a drive through, purchase alcohol, tobacco, and bullets, and use them all before you get home" -- Dogbert

  8. #8

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    Re: Smart a$$ answers

    The last one was classic. Thanks for sharing!
    -Jack
    Doc Brown had 2 Deloreans!

  9. #9

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    Re: Smart a$$ answers

    I liked 'em all!


    This has been a Filmways presentation dahling.

  10. #10

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    Re: Smart a$$ answers

    Great stories all! Thanks for sharing them? Kind of reminds me of Mad Magazine's "Snappy Answers to Incredibly Stupid Questions" in a way

    --Barry
    God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

  11. #11

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    Re: Smart a$$ answers

    Awesome! Thanks for the laugh!

  12. #12

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    Re: Smart a$$ answers

    A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
    reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of
    him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
    Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets
    out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and
    says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
    bridge and ran out of gas."
    That's one of Bill Engvall's "Here's Your Sign" jokes!

  13. #13

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    Re: Smart a$$ answers

    Very funny! Thanks for sharing!!

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